Friday, 29 May 2015

Obama Tries To Sell Daughter

On what he called a 'fact finding mission' President Obama .... of the USA put his daughter Malia up on WifeBay to see if anyone would be interested. After an influx of offers her ad was taken down after 20 minutes.

Going by some of the comments that Obama responded to there have been speculation that alcohol may have been at play though the president has said that he doesn't drink because "alcohol is forbidden by my relig ... er my wife." 

The president seemed interested in the fully loaded Cadillac Escalade luxury SUV that was offered as a straight swop though being a shrewd businessman he knows that livestock is where the best deals are to be had.

Felix Kiprono a lawyer from Kenya.

The best offer was from a Kenyan lawyer who offered 50 cows, 70 sheep and 30 goats, Obama managed to haggle the sheep from 50 to 70 .... pretty impressive considering he can talk the Republicans into fuck all unless it's going to war.

Felix Kiprono said that he had been drooling over sexy Malia since she was 10 and said, "I will teach Malia how to milk a cow, cook ugali (maize porridge) and prepare mursik like any other Kalenjin woman."

"We will live the simple life without bathing and lots and lots of fornicating, our babies shall be kings and maybe someday I too could be president of the America." 

Another good offer came from Douglas McDougal from Ballymena, he offered 80 of his best breeding sheep for Malia, he could vouch for their quality as he has bred or at least attempted to with every last one of them.  
He retracted his offer when he realised that Malia was a girl.

The president has received wide spread condemnation for the ad from human rights and angry feminist groups .... why are feminists so angry anyways? That's what they get when they worry their pretty little heads with werldly stuff .... yon Mad Max movie will only make them more angry ya know, you shouldn't pander to them. 

Obama issued a statement justifying his actions, "You don't know me so don't fuckin judge me hic (sic) I could lift a phone and have you killed, those assholes that trolled me on Twitter, all gone, they didn't know hic (sic) who I am either."

A White house spokesperson has said that the president is suffering from a bout of flu and to not print his statement and that his computer had been hacked. 


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