Monday, 11 May 2015

Baba Venga Speaks Again

Baba Venga the Bulgarian psychic is on Old Knudsen's speed dial for a booty call but the other day it was she that reached out into the ether and contacted me ... via a mysterious e-mail. Yes she did die in 1996 but that has never interfered with our relationship.

She keeps me up to date with any predictions she has. If you remember she predicted 9/11 ... what do you mean no one was paying attention in 1989 to confirm this? She also has predicted Peter Capaldi would be the Twelfth Doctor and the unknown one wouldn't be known as the Doctor and that Putin would suffer from erectile dysfunction, there would be serious drought and also flooding, some smoking chimneys would blow out um, smoke and the hoor of Babylon would arise and display her greasy arse and her image would be worshiped around the werld by millions.

She has also predicted that Obama will be the last US president so don't bother trying to figure out who'll win Hilary of course  next year.

In 2010 World War III would start and would end by 2014. By 2011 there would be no animals or vegetation in the northern hemisphere and Europe would be almost empty. Uncanny huh?

I can feel you rolling yer eyes, if psychics were real they'd win the lottery or would take James Randi up on his million dollar challenge   to prove supernatural abilities that has been on offer since 1964. Baba Venga would have bought new eyes and John Edward wouldn't need a TV and books.

Nothing is exact and while one psychic said the spirits are never wrong as he demanded that a woman did have a family member kill themselves in the hoose she lived in (it was a rental) they often do make shit up.
Psychics also get confused because they may have visions of movies, did Baba Venga see glimpses of 28 days later or maybe Stonehenge Apocalypse that was out in 2010?  Was her prediction of giant robots that transformed into cars and trucks as a disguise really just a vision of some movie we haven't heard of? ... Old Knudsen has spent years guarding himself against robots in disguise just in case. 

Many of Venga's predictions are way in the future but 200 years from now when we contact aliens I'll make sure to remind you that Baba predicted it. In 5079 the world will end but I'll have a post already written and in the 'scheduled posts' section ready to publish when that happens just to say I told you so.

Here is her latest prediction and of course she did get the royal babies' name correct and the next one too.

   Prince George in the future. 

In the not too distant future, royals and celebs will be offered sponsorship deals if the parents name their children after a company. The next royal baby will be named Hyundai. It will be common place to not only sell yer wedding pictures to Hello magazine but also a video of the wedding night. The names Sky, Verizon and Facebook will become popular baby names and considering Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow have already named their kid Apple I don't doubt this prophecy. 

Baby teeth will be sold at auction and if you haven't tweeted about yer child's first steps then they might as well not have happened. People who are not on Tweeter will be shunned by society, perhaps death camps for those fuckers and there will be mass suicides if they miss getting their user name before the trolls get them.  

You will need to have personal references from professional people and pillars of the community and 3 forms of ID and a blood sample if you want to open a new Facebook account, of course Facebook will sell yer information as well as yer DNA. 

Following the success of the Richard III funeral, other famous historical people will be dug up to be re-buried with the proper sponsorship deals of course. Soon present day dying people will get in on it too. "This funeral was bought to you by Chevy .... like a rock." ..... "Cremation sponsored by Skittles .... taste the rainbow"

Anna Nicole Smith will be reburied 3 times in total and Kim Kardashian will sign up for a reality show and an early death worth millions .... there maybe repeats of the funeral too.  

CarMax will lose to Allstate to become US president in 2040 ... "You're in Good Hands with Allstate."

Her e-mail ended with the usual war in the Middle east, maybe the Balkans and the Russian clone army crap, yeah tell us something we don't know.    

It's comforting to know that the world has no shocks or surprises for us in the future that we aren't prepared for. This post was brought to you by e-lax, sit back and let the good times flow.  



No comments: