Friday, 22 May 2015

A Shout Out To All Me Homies

Every day is about Old Knudsen, men want to be him and weemen want to do him ... sometimes the other way around but I just take who or what comes because it's all good and in the werds of Jesus, "It is better to be a giver than a taker but with enough lube the possibilities of love are endless."

Today is Old Knudsen's birthday, he has warts that are older than many of you which get their own telegram from the Queen ... do we still do telegrams? Ach I lost touch with camera phones, why have a camera on yer phone to take pictures of yer ear? I'm no a technophobe, I believe that robots should be allowed to get married and do not think it lessens the sanctity of closed circuits.

If Gog had intended robots to only use male and female plugs then he wouldn't have created adapters.

Being an adult yer presents are usually shite for yer birthday and if everyone you know is dead yer cards dry up like Callyfornia. I stopped trying to impress my postman years ago by sending meself cards but I do still go to the bakery section of Tesco and spray me slobbers over their cakes ... maybe I'll go to Ashers bakery for that this year. When Old Knudsen blows his candles out everyone seems to suddenly go off cake. 

    Can't wait for the zombie apocalypse as choice and consent will be meaningless.

You maybe concerned over the bigger issues like earthquakes in butt fuck Nepal, Daesh in Palmyra or what Simon Pegg said about Sci-Fi being childish or maybe even the rape of  Sansa Stark ... she was asking for it by the way and Ramsay is merely a product of bad parenting and society in general.

Try to drag yerself away from cat videos and selfies for 5 minutes and look at the Republic of Ireland. Today the bog trotters are to have a referendum on whether same sex marriage should be legal or not. Old Knudsen doesn't give a crap about marriage in the eyes of God or what Jesus didn't say but he is concerned about equality, doing the right thing and hates bullies. 

  After a few swigs of this I'll explain to you what the earth custom of turd burgling is. 

Of course I can't depend on humans being concerned for their fellow man ... or woman, it just isn't very Christian. Religion has always been about keeping someone in their place and never about equality. 
Gheys have been happy for too long and why should they have all that disposable income? Let them suffer the ills of marriage like everyone else. Rather than doing the right thing and voting for equality, vote to crush their souls and dreams instead. 

Also it would really show up Northern Ireland which is the only part of the UK that doesn't have ghey marriage, or abortion either. Imagine the south being all enlightened an shit, after years of being compared with Mexico they now make us look bad .... we who riot over a flag being flown as per the Queen's household rules and not when we want to fly it, aye it's difficult to make us look bad.

Like yer neighbour getting a new car and washing it everyday while yer 15 year-old Ford Fiesta collects dirt because that's what is holding it together. 

Never mind winter, here cums a white Christmas.

So Ireland, though I have an Irish passport but cannae vote I'd like a birthday present of equality please.  I'm no going to remind you how many times Old Knudsen has saved the werld or that you'd all be speaking Scroll instead of leprechaun if it wasn't for him.   

No pressure however if you vote no I will rub me blight all over yer potatoes again so you'd have to buy yer spuds from butt fuck Idaho wherever that is. 

Old Knudsen shares his birthday with George Best, Morrissey, Harvey Milk, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Richard Wagner, Sir Laurence Olivier, Paul Winfield, Dale Winton, Naomi Campbell and Katie Price.   


k said...

Happy Birthday to you - you are legendary Old Knudsen!

Old Knudsen said...

Why thank you random citizen, and you my dear have taste in yer leg ends.