Monday, 20 April 2015

David Cameron Wants You To Have A Good Life ... And A Pony

As the election for the ruling party looms in the UK we see David Cameron of the Conservative party making new promises and saying things out of character everyday. It worked as a last ditch effort to keep Scotland a part of the UK, promise them home rule and never deliver on it ... stoopid Jocks, aye the Sassenachs totally underestimate the Scottish ability to never forget an insult even if it takes 40 years to screw you over we'll wait, cos it will be epic. 

He has already promised £8 billion for the NHS ... if elected again. Also no tax on the minimum wage, free childcare for 3-4 year olds up to 30 hours a week, building more social houses and giving the tenants the opportunity to buy, rail fare freezes, homes worth up to £1m to be exempt from inheritance tax, look under yer seats for free ponies for everyone, you get a pony and you get a pony.

During this time of enforced austerity he's promising £21bn of giveaways.

He's been Prime Minister since 2010, why has he not done all this or even looked like he wanted to in all that time? Where will all this money come from? They must be selling more surface to air missiles to Bahrain or Saudi Arabia or maybe they finally broke the North Korean market and are selling arms to Kim. 
He recently said, "It's time that Britain had a pay rise" but of course he didn't mean nurses or teachers.

At least Ukip's  (Conservative heavy as opposed to lite) plan to drive out the immigrants and build a wall around Britain will only cost us £10 bn which is money worth paying if you like inbreeding and warm flat ale cos all that diversity shit isn't British enough.

 On their way home from school.

David Cameron: 'George we need to make the people like us, how can we be tough like Ukip but keep the immigrant vote and not have Scotland rebel again?' 

George Osbourne: 'You're good at making promises you don't keep, do that? You said you'd love me forever and yet you still haven't left your wife.'

David Cameron: 'You know she means nothing to me. We need promises and a catchy slogan, remember Inner city the American house/techno group from the 90's who had that hit Good life? if we say that we want people to have a good life then people will get that song as an ear worm .... can we use it for the campaign?' 

George Osbourne: 'I'll check if they are on the list of artists that have told us to fuck off.'


Love is shining, life is thriving in the good life good life ..... Good life good life good life good life
in the good life...... good life.

To those who know the song .... I'm so so sorry for the ear worm, for those who don't ... don't click the link, the song is a musical STD and will cling to you and eat away yer brain. Old Knudsen doesn't know the Lyrics but the repetition of the werds good life does his hed in. Blame Cameron, he said those werds. 

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