Friday, 20 March 2015

Solar Eclipse Means The End Of The World

Today is the day for a total solar eclipse that will be seen from Europe, since I am in Europe this may be relevant to me. If you are not in Europe then tough tits.

The US had it's last total solar eclipse in 1979 and is due its next in 2017. The Americans being a superstitious lot predicted that it was the end of the world, many believed them and so went outside to take shots at the eclipse. A lack of solar activity followed that eclipse as experts suspected that the sun had been wounded by the bullets.

The Yanks are at it again .... who lets these nutters online? Anyway it maybe the end of the world again as God is judging Europe for letting Muslims come in and practice their faith. If a duck farts it's either climate change or the end of the world, I'm sick of these pseudo troll science experts. 

A total eclipse is when the sun has a solar hiccup as it orbits the earth and finds itself with the moon in between the sun and the earth. The moon being just slightly bigger than the earth blocks out the light.

Experts predict a mini ice-age during the time of the eclipse, there maybe tsunamis and earthquakes too.
The little solar lights in yer garden may not have time to recharge so expect widespread panic as people trip up over their gnomes. Police have advised drivers to turn their lights on but to use protective glasses (and seat belts) when looking up at the eclipse and to mind their speed.

You don't want to drop yer speed in yer car, all those nooks and crannies.

Europeans are not a superstitious lot by nature, unlike the Americans we look for the scientific reason for things before we decide it was all God. Babies born during the eclipse will be put to death and the mothers flogged for fornicating with Satan. The Pope recently said, "If you fornicate with the devil then expect me to fuck you up bitch!" .... Is it me or does this Pope seem more aggressive than the previous ones?

Extra police will be on hand to ensure there will not be any rioting or looting but if there is they caution people to do it in a safe and responsible manner. Ethnic minorities will of course be given priority for looting as we are all about the equality and respecting cultures .... except for gheys unless they are black or Muslim ..... or lesbian, we don't mind the leezers as long as they aren't butch.

The eclipse starts roughly about 7:41am and ends about 11:50am, in the UK we'll see it at its best around 8:24am in the south or just a bit later in Northern Ireland and Scotland. So if you've read this post you've missed the eclipse and the snow from the ice age will make you late for werk, lets hope the tsunamis will wash it away.

If you miss it:   

For solar eclipse fun just turn out the light in yer room with the curtains drawn, have a small lamp lit with a low wattage bulb and fumble about in the dark for 2 minutes, then turn the light back on. All yer expectation will have been crushed by then but you can go online and look at the pictures that cunts with expensive cameras took of it. Don't forget to say, "It didn't look like that to me."

They all use photoshap anyways.