Monday, 2 March 2015

Humans Are Not From Earth

Who didn't read Erich Von Daniken's Chariots of the Gods back in the day and got "wow" then "huh?" Well not content to let the idea that aliens have visited earth throughout history die, an Ecologist which is someone who analyses and studies the interactions of organisms and their environment has got a book out about it.

Maybe Dr. Ellis Silver reads my blog and just lifted out some ideas, if he says that the Mothership the aliens came over on is called 'Heaven' then I may sue.   

Silver says that humans are not native to Earth because they get bad backs, suffer sun burn and have difficulty during childbirth. He says that neanderthals were possibly bred with another species, perhaps from our nearest solar system of Alpha Centauri.

What a load of horse shit right? We were obviously made by an all powerful invisible dude who makes planets in 7 days and people out of dirt and spare ribs .... hhhmmm baby back ribs.  Anyone who comes out and says it's aliens needs a harsh mocking, just like religious folk get. 

Except they mostly don't, odd that. We'll believe any old shite and take it seriously if told it often enough. Like the Bible you don't need proof in aliens, you just have to believe.

A cave painting from 10,000 BC, Val Camonica, Italy ... I've seen better.

Did ancient man build all that cool shit like the temple complex of Puma Punku, the giant walls of Sacsayhuaman, did they move the 10 foot tall 26 ton stones of Stonehenge, polish the stone balls of Costa Rica, build the ok Temples in Baalbeck, the Great Pyramid of Giza or even the great triangle of Bermuda?   

Belfast City Hospital, that is what we can build. Many Knudsen's have been born and died within those yellow walls.
NO! cos stone age and bronze age peeps weren't smart like what we are. Hand the fuckers a lap top and tell them to go onto tumblr and look at the crazy shit that people do with their Barbie dolls and they wouldn't have a fuckin clue. 

 From the movie 50 LBS of dildo.

This right here is what makes humans the most successful creature on the planet. We don't know how to lift 26 ton blocks so how could they? 

We're so fuckin smart some times that it hurts. Well Edward Leedskalnin a simple pamphlet making ranting Latvian did build Coral Castle in Florida in the 1920's to the 50's by himself moving 30 ton blocks and Wally Wallington from Flint, Michigan can move stone blocks with fulcrums and levers but I choose to ignore that .... maybe aliens really helped them cos we get bad backs you see. 

Wally using gravity and planks to stand up a stone on his own.
Man, I feel like a woman.

Getting back to Dr. Ellis Silver, the cover of his book 'Humans are not from Earth' says Ellis Silver PhD so lets hope it's other news outlets calling him a doctor as a doctor is someone who belittles you when you go in for some medical condition that they don't know anything about. 

He says that the harsh environment of Earth and the fact that we only have our huge intelligent Barbie molesting brains to protect ourselves with means we aren't native because we haven't adapted/evolved. What about the extra 223 genes in human beings, which are not found in any other species, and the lack of a fossil missing link? .....  Amelia Earhart and a big fuck off passenger plane are also still missing, we just can't find shit.

He thinks that because humans are such cunts that this is like a prison planet. The whole planet is like Australia I suppose but going in deeper because we have an Australia which is then like prisonception. Charles Manson trying to smuggle his jizz out of jail knows all about prisonception. 

3,500 year-old alien space ships.

I can tell you want the truth, otherwise you wouldn't read this blog of wonder. Well ignoring things like facts and the obvious I'll go full clergy and give you the truth ... with all that shite taken out. 

Aliens like to probe butt holes .... it's an alien thing I guess. So they were on the planet probing all the animals, the ones who struggled too much or bit off the odd alien head got vaporized but rounding up all the animals, 2 of each species to bring to the Arrk probing station was a lot of work and the aliens hated how their skin burned under the sun or froze in the cold.

On a side note the dinosaur population was wiped out when a Thesaurus killed Captain John the Bapster of the star ship Holaylund.   

    Aliens, or as I call them The Great Designers. 
Instead of putting some clothes and a brimmed hat on they tampered with the local primates and genetically altered them with their own DNA.  The Great Designers made the apes stand up like they did and because they hated getting ape hair in their space butter they made us less hairy. Some of the earlier more hairy experiments escaped to what is modern day Greece and Turkey. 

Early man was black skinned so he could take the sun and was a superb athlete and a great dancer, if you say that these days people would call you a racist but back then these were positive attributes. 

Later versions were lighter skinned with inscrutable slitty eyes and small cocks, able to take the cold so they could hunt the animals with bungholes that lived in the frozen wastes. 

 A Caucaloid male.

The last humans made were known as the Caucaloids, it is unclear what use their very pale skin and large bulbous eyes were , possibly to hunt the night dwellers.  For some reason they couldn't dance, were highly offensive and thought that they were the shit. When the brown skinned sand savages invented God the Caucaloids decided he was white and so was his son. 

They continue this day to make the heroes of old into white men but keeping the odd spear chucker black as you wouldn't want to be racist .... It's called diversity. 
Talking computers the size of bowling balls gave rise to ancestor worship and the keeping of heads.

What we do know from archeology is that early society underwent a change and the Great Designers found themselves surrounded by semi-intelligent aggressive man-monkeys who were sick of getting probed and capturing dangerous creatures for their naked overlords. 

There was a revolt and the humans rose up and killed some of their masters, they sent out their angel droids to destroy a couple of cities and cause some floods to cover their escape and blasted off to the stars again. 
These angel droids would continue to kill humans which is why we find vast ruins that appear to have been abandoned. After a few centuries the Deman 3000 sentinel droids fell into decay and ceased to work.    

So Dr Silver was a little correct but this is not a prison planet, this is a planet that was tried for colonization, just like what smarty boy Stephen Hawking said about blasting off to find new worlds to live on cos we've gone an fucked this one up well proper .... Except he said it like an American Dalek. 

 Rear Admiral Gad from the star ship Heaven. As long as you can see his fingers yer safe.   

The Great Designers created space Lycra and stopped working out as much. They come over from time to time and probe some hick in America or a cow to re-live the good old days. So now you know the answers I suppose no point in me writing a book and making a load of money from my story then .... fucking blogs, I've done it again.

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