Thursday, 12 February 2015

Man's Penis Will Stop Working After 100 Squirts

A man has been told by doctors that he only has about 100 organisms left to give before his cock gives out and dies on him ... Where do you start with this? First of all screw cancer and ALS this shit is serious, if weemen were nice the hot ones would be lining up to give him pity fucks to remember, maybe Old Knudsen should use this story to try for the pity fucks.

"I’m 34 years old and I have a finite amount of real, working, orgasm-capable erections remaining. They estimate I have about a hundred nuts left."

"I honestly thought the doctor was fucking with me– how do you even process that kind of information?"

I want a second opinion .... ok then you only have 68 left, do you really want to haggle?

I am the Walrus, look at my cock. 
"I’ve now seen the full battery of experts and specialists. They call it ideopathic fibrosis of the corpora cavernosa. Catchy, right? Basically, there’s a reservoir in your penis that fills with blood when you have an erection. In my case, every time I get hard, it causes an autoimmune reaction, which causes a scar tissue build-up in the reservoir. Ultimately, the scar tissue will make it impossible to ever get a boner again. I’m the first case anyone’s ever seen, and no one can tell me why it’s happening. I don’t wear briefs or hang out in saunas. There’s been no blunt force trauma to the balls. Some of the women from my past have suggested it’s karma, and I’m actually starting to believe it."
 Sorry to hear ago your condition you cheating scumbag, here is what I look like now, something for you to think about when your dick stops working lol!

I don't know why he'd tell an ex about this, 'so how are you doing? you look good still with Jeff?Yeah, good he's a nice guy. Yeah I still work at Radio Shack, oh and my penis isn't going to work after 100 orgasms.' 

Maybe he drunk dials these women who have moved on with their lives. I know that if I ever want a sympathetic ear I always go to me ex's .... except the ones who want child support and the ones who tested positive for the clap. Fuck Old Knudsen is sooo alone.   

" I’ve tried every conceivable therapy and medication there is, but nothing works. So I’ve been through the five stages of grief. I accept my fate. But that’s not the same as knowing how to cope with it. Masturbation’s obviously out of the question. I feel like I need to be super selective with women, as if all of a sudden I’m gonna start banging Victoria’s Secret models. Like I deserve it now, in some sort of twisted Make a Wish for a Dying Penis bid. And lately, I’m terrified of sex itself. I slept with one woman since the diagnosis, but when she wanted to go for a second round, a wave of incredible panic swept over me. I burst into a cold sweat and my chest felt like it was gonna cave in on itself. Since then I’ve been chaste as a fucking nun, but I toss and turn all night with crazy, disturbing sex dreams, and now I’m worried that I’ll lose a nut to a wet dream."

"So I’m hoping to start a dialogue here. Has anyone out there experienced anything like this? How does one go about planning a farewell tour- a goodbye forever- to sex? Any advice/suggestions are truly appreciated."

A dialogue huh, what you'll get is WTF?????? If this is true it gives you something to think about. How do you spend yer last 100 money shots?
Do you freeze those puppies for later just in case?
Do you hurry out and get the gurl you'll spend the rest of yer life with or waste them on one night stands like Old Knudsen does?

Ever see that documentary a day without a Mexican in which all the Hispanics are taken away from the US leaving no lawns getting cut, no fruit getting picked, no tacos getting made etc, someone should do a day without porn ... I don't even want to think about that one, oh a cold shiver doon me spine.   

How can this guy ever perform in the bedroom again? He'll be thinking about his condition when he should be thinking about the booty. He's a bit old for wet dreams however with a jizz build up anything is possible, he may even go on a shooting spree .... could you blame him?

Well the NHS would never catch this if Old Knudsen went for a check up, the only blunt force trauma I've had to me sac is yer Ma bouncing up and doon on it. I'm off to put a pair of me socks into a baggy and into the freezer in case I need some man juice for future generations. 


Stephen Barnes said...

100 squirts until it die? I'm married, so that will give me another 50 years. Chuffed to bits.

Old Knudsen said...

Same sex marriages have the odd benefit.