Saturday, 28 February 2015

Goodbye Mister Spock

Was the stupidity of the Internet too much for Spock? His last words were, "the dress is white and gold, make them believe."

Leonard Nimoy was always interesting to watch and could have you taking a guy with pointy ears and inscrutable eyebrows that bordered on racism seriously. Old Knudsen still watches the original series of Star Trek and the loss of Spock though inevitable, is still a kind of shock.

Even in the Star Trek re-boot and Fringe over the last couple of years he was lending his gravitas to those roles thus making the movies and shows ever so much better. 

Spock understood that the way of the universe is constant change and while we feel a sense of loss when many of those changes occur we should not be stuck in the past as there is always still shit to do. Spock wouldn't give up, that would be illogical.

We've lost Bones and Scotty already but Spock was the man ... well the half man though that is still more of a man than most.

In 1995 he signed my copy of 'I am Spock' and said a classy very actor like thank you in that deep booming voice of his.

No Mister Spock, thank you.

The Walking Saturday

When the zombie apocalypse comes Old Knudsen plans to be the best walker ever! I likes me meat.

The walking dead TV show seems to kill off all its black dudes with stupid 'hey watch out' bites. Only Daryl Dixon has job security in that show, if he was killed off there would be a riots.   

This guy who plays the Penguin in that awful Gotham TV show reprised his small role on TWD. His short scene had no dialogue and he was executed with a baseball bat ..... Blondes also have a habit of karking it too.  

Chris Brown and Dennis Rodman would be super fucked.

Don't worry Tyreese you'll be fine ....... He is sooo fucked!

Rick gets to have a daughter (really Shane's kid) but if the Governor wants to keep his walker daughter in a cage so he can bring her out to brush her hair in his room full of head tanks, people judge.

Friday, 27 February 2015

No Sense? Then Go Into Politics

Jon Stewart has said that he is leaving the brilliant Daily Show because after 16 years of non-stop stupidity from the right wing Conservatives he feels as if it's aged him. Old Knudsen can understand that which is why he doesn't do too much Northern Ireland stuff .... it's stupid and hateful. 

Faux News have said how nasty Stewart's attacks have been but when you say things like "Far more children died last year drowning in their bathtubs than were killed accidentally by guns." - Tucker Carlson, Aug. 9, 2014.


"The president of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day." - Michele Bachmann, Nov. 3, 2010

Well yer asking to be mocked. These were taken from The Daily Show's 50 Fox News lies in 6 seconds article.

Nelson McCauseland from the DUP in Northern Ireland. The DUP are on the same level and share the same ideologies as The Republican Party with the exception of firearms as this is 'oh no guns scare me cos I'm a pussy' Europe.  

Though they would have guns if they could, here is the DUP leader Peter Robinson. 

The DUP want Northern Ireland to be a religious winter wonderland (their religion, Protestantism) and are the ruling party, sharing the top spot with their Nemesis Sinn Fein. The bitching and the sniping stops any real work getting done as they accuse each other of doing what they themselves are doing.
Recently the DUP wanted the Conscience Clause put into law which would allow people to discriminate against homos, blacks, chicks with dicks and the like if it went against their belief system, Sinn Fein blocked it.
The DUP then claimed they were not against gheys only to have the Internet answer with the 33 times the DUP have tried to cure, ban or go back to making gheys illegal. The Conscience Clause and anti-abortion issue are two things that the DUP and the Catholic church actually agree with yet Sinn Fein is against both.

Seeing the similarity between the DUP and the GOP yet?

McCauseland wrote  an article in that blog disguised as a newspaper The Belfast Telegraph on how you shouldn't be fooled by the words of Sinn Fein but look at their actions.

 Former DUP leader Ian Paisley doing what he did.

Gerry Adams of Sinn Fein has said, 'we'll break the bastards with equality'  meaning that the thing that the DUP fear most is the modern world without no one to oppress. McCauseland side steps the issue of equality and denounces it as a tactic because Sinn Fein want to name a play park after IRA terrorist Raymond McCreesh.
I have no idea if that's McCauseland's favourite park. It's in butt fuck Newry and is one of the places  we in the military would call Bandit country. It's Sinn Fein territory just as Newtownabbey is Protestant.
While in Newtownabbey (the place that bans plays) they have a park they voted to name Prince William play park ... that name might be offensive in Newry. Yes someone did suggest naming it after one of the Shankill Butcher gang but they were told to wise up.     

McCreesh never killed anyone except himself after going on a hunger strike. Some may see him as a hero but he will be known as a terrorist by history. McCauseland wants Sinn Fein to admit that the IRA struggle against the British army was illegal by getting them to back down over this name, they aren't going to do that, would the DUP admit guilt at what they and their followers have done?

Ian Paisley never murdered anyone .... directly, like Charles Manson he incited people to murder and then gets made into a lord and gets to rule over Northern Ireland. 

McCauseland is right that actions speak louder than words, his own actions show that he awards building contracts to friends and is bitter enough to waste funding on a made up language 'Ulster/Scots' just so his side are getting something that the Catholics are getting for the Irish language. Tit for tat politics just like the 30 years of tit for tat terrorist murders.

You shouldn't name parks after criminals nor have memorials to them (both sides do) but naming a park after some dead paramilitary dirt-bag is a lot different to denying the human rights to living, breathing law abiding people.

It's typical hate focused logic of the DUP or the GOP to get these issues confused as they try to distract away from their own hate filled agenda. I'm surprised that Jon Stewart lasted 16 years as just looking at Nelson McCauseland's article in the paper has me reaching for my service revolver.


Thursday, 26 February 2015

Old Knudsen Sees A Psychic

So I went to a psychic medium show last week. It was a small turnout of about 40 people in a side room at a hotel. I got the sense that it wasn't going to be like John Edward when the audience were coming and going to the bar every 5 minutes and vaping in their seats.

The psychic took to the small stage, he played some song to get into the mood about when you need me I'll be by yer side, very sad I'm sure.

Bob Taylor psychic medium dressed in his 3 piece suit sans jacket with his fat belly testing the the limits of his waist coat stood and breathed as he listened to the spirits behind him.

He went off on a story about how he has heard some song about using someone's pillow. I don't think it was the Drake song, 'And if you pillow talking with the women that are screwing you Just know that she gon tell another nigga when she through with you' .... it wasn't that kind of crowd. All white people (obviously) with the old weemen on the right side of the room and the middle aged weemen with about 4 men on the left. 

A woman said her pillow had fallen, hit the electric heater and caught fire and she vaguely knew of the song from when she was young, not good enough.

No one got the pillow thing, a large woman at the front who got ALL the references said she understood the pillow but I highly suspect she is one of his regulars. A bodysnatcher as he explained who takes all the people.

Someone is sucking my psychic juices I cannot speak to the dead today!

No no no, it's all your fault, you aren't paying attention and getting the connections, he berated in a more polite way. Sort of YOU DON"T BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH! Enough to make people politely nod and question themselves. Once they say that they sort of get it he runs with it and it's not like you can say no after that. People's brains make connections naturally and he is relying on us accepting his tenuous links and connections for the sake of his show. 

I only do home parties for no more than 3 people as anymore is just greed and you can't read everyone ... as he stands in front of 40 people. What if 40 spirits came through?

Ballywalter! he called out, which as it turns out is close to where he is from. A woman said, 'yes me' and he asked if she trained horses, when she was young it seems ... that was enough of a link. The lady volunteered the news that her sister had died. He asked did someone get better just before they died? .. um lots of people do that, it's one of the signs that the end is nigh.

After John Hurt's character in Alien got the thing off his face he was eating his dinner like a starving person just glad to be alive and then he died.   

Do you know the song 'Bring me sunshine?' every British person knows it just like Americans know the Mister Roger's theme. Well your sister is saying you brought her sunshine and made her smile, she also sends you rainbows.

Shit! I thought the rainbows were God's promise to not kill us all again, a sort of scary reminder to appreciate that God has let you live another day.  Like a divine raising of a hand.

Well the lady was crying and the younger lady beside her (her daughter?) was crying too. The younger lady (early 20's) had been looking back at me a lot at the start of the night, must have been my manly shoulders though I was actually thinking 'what the fuck is her problem?' aye me mating skills are that rusty, £5,00 in change is usually Old Knudsen's foreplay and yes he expects change. 

Flowers were given .... no not Valentine's day, that would be too easy. Oh flowers at a grave, imagine that. He didn't get the sister's name name though, you'd think that spirits would give that out instead of a KK name or a double barreled name which she didn't get. 

I sense a woman will meet a man, it will be awkward at first but then they will have drunken sex.

I'm getting a beautician or some beauty course that someone wasn't happy about .... silence then 'I work with make up.' None of the things applied to her such as the recent purchase of a Louis Vuitton bag or purse though the woman in front had bought a Louis Vuitton case 3 days ago. I can't even remember who her spirit was but they said she ate a lot of baked beans, which she denied but her man said she did because she was very windy. 
She'd later get an old fella who wore bicycle clips and smoked woodbine and had a wart on his hand .... out of 40 people, 10 of them knocking on Heaven's door you'd expect more to get more on that one.

He keeps saying Cody or codi .... a name of a child or pet? I thought it was a bit of a generation mistake there but it turned out to be Co-codamol, as explained by him that an elderly female relative of hers may be on. She was very quiet during the whole elderly relative part as if that bit didn't match.

If a spirit comes across I'd be validated if they said "aspirin" as sometimes I take those and am defined as a person by those wee pills.

The psychic works with dementia patients by the way .... home help? Orderly in a rest home? He didn't seem overly educated but he had balls of brass the way he told people they were wrong and the spirits were always right ..... BULLSHIT!  Even if the spirits were always right what makes you think that you are interpreting them correctly?

The drinks were flowing rightly and he even asked/told someone to put their glass down as he spoke to them.
'I'm getting a female spirit and someone who uses a nasal spray everyday'   ... the guy with the large beaky nose says, 'I use one everyday, I have it in my pocket now but there are no females involved' ... nope, it wasn't him, moving on, no one got that one either.

Somehow he landed on the young daughter lass, turns out that her grandmother may have used a spray, who knows?

Psychic, 'do you get the feeling of a male presence on your stairs?'

Gurl, 'no but I feel like someone is watching me while I'm in bed and doors I know I have closed will be open when I get home.'        

Since the lass was half decent looking and is renting her place I'd check it for hidden cameras and moved underwear in her drawer ... just saying like.

Psyhic 'It's a male relative , was there someone who killed themselves in the house? I'm getting a man who hung himself.'

Old Knudsen took all of his will power to not stand up and say, "he was not hung unless you count his huge cock, he was hanged, he hanged himself" The fucked kept repeating hung. He also said house like hise.

Psyhic 'Do you use shak 'n' vac maybe you like strong smells and what is this about a cigarette butt collection?'

Turns out she would shake 'n' vac her grandad's home and has OCD and can't stand an ash try full of butts. He also mentioned her coughing fits or maybe epilepsy, a friend of hers mined smoking cigarettes to do with her coughing, he came out with the name Matildir .... sorry Matilda which is the middle name of her sister and found out she has an aunt in Texas ... wow, how vaguely exact.

He then explained that the young gurl (not the sister, that was it with her just a middle name) was sensitive to the other side and should zip herself up in a sleeping blanket and bathe herself with protective light, it was then that the friend who mimed the smoking started asking questions. 'Are you a Christian because you sound like Pastor McConnell at the Whitewell church preaching up there' 

Psychic 'I believe in God' 

He then continued with the gurl and suggested that he came out to check out the spirit if she was worried.

The spirit went from a family member to who knows who lived there before.  

Heckler 'I paid £10 and expected to get something exact for my money instead of this shite.' 

The psychic said that he'd never convince the woman and that he was more open minded and of the importance of protecting yourself from negative people .... yes all veiled passive aggressive remarks as throughout the show.

Another woman said she had a passing recently and it was a strong person who would obviously have come through and she was surprised they didn't. The psychic said his mother had passed 15 years ago and never came to him ... I'm sure John Edward has said that.

I bet if she had paid £30 for a private reading she'd get her ghost or is that Old Knudsen being cynical?

The show ended in chaos with the psychic relying on his regulars for validation with the we are right and you are not kind of thing.


Here is what Old Knudsen got from the psychic. He watches the room as people sit and wait, people drinking and not keeping their voices down, lose lips sink ships. His plain wife sits at the back in silence. He's aggressive and bold, not at all shy and retiring and he's been doing this for years, he depends on his bold bluffing a lot.
I'm sure it isn't the first time he has told someone they are special and maybe he should call around to their home. Controlling women seems natural to him, at least the ones who let him control them.

While he may have some talent, not sure if the voices are telling him to say rainbows or not but the things he said could have applied to many people. He may understand humans more than anything.

Middle aged people and old women are likely to get his song references and stereotype people. There was some power in the room but I'm not sure it was from him.

Example of some patter I'd use if I was him, 'I'm getting someone, an older female who has passed connected with someone who went out for a meal or got a takeaway and wasn't very happy about it, could be today, yesterday or a month ago but the spirit is telling me that when you look at the photograph she is by your side..... does anyone know what that means?'      

Old Knudsen wasn't surprised that ALL the readings came from the middle aged people who were drinking while the old dears who have probably lost people that week got nothing.  I took two items that belonged to my parents to the show, if they turned up then I'd get easier validation than nasal prays and pain relief or a job I had 30 years ago.

While I'm sure that Ma Knudsen did turn up, that crazy old coot just danced around on the stage pretending to be some music hall star, never let her spirit around the spirits.

Of all the things, worlds and knowledge that spirits have access to, why do they make vague connections and tell you that they love you etc?  I wasn't surprised I didn't get a reading, I don't have anything much to say to my folks except that I hope they now understand everything better and if they are at peace and at happy.

I Googled the psychic and he has very little online presence except a webpage that isn't kept up to date and 6 testimonials from people who made the connections and were maybe jived that they were voodoo.

We are all voodoo, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Stay open to possibilities but keep yer skepticism my friends. 

He made a comment worthy of his heckler though. On some site he said about how he paid £60 to see John Edward at the Waterfront hall in Belfast only to have Edwards walk out in jeans and a hoodie, no respect for those who paid their money or for the spirit world.  

Bitchy much? 


Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Grandmother Could Lose Everything For Standing Up To Evil

If God had wanted gay sex he wouldn't have made women soo fucking sexy. 

Barronelle Stutzman the 70 year-old grandmother who stood up for freedom, for her beliefs and because her savior Jesus Christ who lived with 12 men hates gheys may lose everything. Her business, her savings, her home and her collection of 19th century vibrators.

She runs a florist in Washington, where she also bakes cookies, sings the national anthem and plays with her grandkids who had better grow up straight or it's off to corrective church for them.

"Little by little, they are stripping us of any thought we might have, or any difference of opinion. This is our religious freedom at stake."

Exactly! now you can't even fondle a boobie or lynch a nergo without getting calling a pervert or a racist. When Jesus wrote in the Bible about marriage, he clearly stated it was between a man and a woman and that all bum chumery should be done away from the marital home .... Ok maybe it wasn't Jesus maybe I'm thinking Chuck Norris. Some famous beardy cunt.

Barronelle Stutzman could be anyone's homophobic grandmother so we should go easy on her. Maybe a few lashings in the town square.

Aw fuck it I'm sick of people supporting this piece of shit, she discriminated against a couple of fags so she should expect the consequences. None of that it's her business and refusing service crap, that is just the very thing that the DUP wanted for their conscience clause.

What's next a paramedic saying, "I can't give CPR as I don't agree with their lifestyle" or a cashier sayings, "I can't serve you at my till because my church doesn't like black people" cos that is where Stutzman was heading and that is where she wants to take everyone else.

For 9 years she took the ghey money, she said he was a customer and a friend .... yeah right. She said she couldn't do flowers for his wedding "because of my relationship with Jesus." 

So she's fucking the Mexican gardener, big deal.  You know what I don't remember Jesus H Christ saying? Anything about ghey marriage that's what. The Bible said "You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."

Jesus taught people not to judge others or presume to know who are and who are not sinners ... If we judge other people harshly, we will, in turn, be judged harshly .... and get sued!

This woman is the worse type of Christian. She'll be all nice to your face and take yer money but then snap, oh I'm sorry but you aren't as equal as others and though it maybe the law I'm refusing to take any part in yer sinful day, you thought I was a nice grandmother, well fuck you homo!

Oh I'll employ them (unless she knows up front what they are) and sell them flowers but if they think they are gonna get married, well they ain't good enough. 

I do laugh at how she plays the victim because she is 70. OMG she may lose her life savings and her house .... GOOD! Robert Ingersoll and Curt Freed thought she was a nice woman who they had known for years.
Do you know what it's like to have someone who you thought liked you because they were always nice and chatty who you'd go out of yer way to help etc only to find that it was all a lie? Who knows what she was saying behind their backs all that time? That explains the smirk so and so had, shit now it makes sense and they all knew.

Old Knudsen knew a friendly old grandmother like that, sure she was mildly racist but you overlook things like that, maybe you didn't catch it right. She'd occasionally mention "the browns" but her own son in law was brown so she couldn't be racist.
Well she was a Christian, turned out to be a total backstabbing liar too so well done to the boys on winning their case because I know what it's like.

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Vegetarians Are Disciples Of Lies

People go on about being a vegetarian or vegan as if they have some kind of moral high ground .... the poor animals, they are kept in horrible conditions then killed, here let me post a video on Facebook about it.

Maybe that kind of stuff 'is' appropriate for social media, my therapist says I have difficultly with appropriateness which is why she will only see me in a public place. So if people can post animal torture videos maybe Old Knudsen can post pictures of his bowel movements then. My dookies are quite impressive if you wash the blood from them, don't worry, if they were disgusting like weemen breast feeding babies I wouldn't post them. 

She also says I have a difficulty telling reality from make believe, she can tell that to the space pirates I sold her to for 8 bars of gold-pressed latinum HA! 

I think we can all agree that the Asians are cunts cos they eat cute doggies, it's the way they do it that makes them cunts. You can treat an animal well before you kill and eat it but they shove them into cages and torture them, not cool at all.
I never eat at our local Chinese take away, not just me flashbacks to Nam but me BBQ pork ribs wagged it's tail at me and licked me hand once.

Most animals we eat are cute, in fact lamb can be doon right sexy in the right light as can a jar of liver. I mostly eat chicken cos they are descended from dinosaurs and are more creepy than cute, see? I do have feelings. 

 The Illuminati say that the Jews killed all the dinosaurs.

Hunters don't torture the animals they kill unless you count fox hunters and badger baiters etc, I'm only for hunting if the animal isn't wasted after it is killed. If there is a food shortage then eat the dogs, just don't treat them like shit first.
It makes sense, dogs breed fast and can eat scraps and dogs are everywhere. They also come in big family bargain size or quick snack size.  

We don't condemn a tiger when it eats a native, sure we might go out and shoot it dead but the tiger was just being a tiger, it wasn't being evil. I eat meat cos I'm just being Old Knudsen, I'm a hornivore  so don't fuckin judge me. Maybe if vegetables tasted better... aye it's the veggies fault I eat animals.

 Dirty protest in a jar .... very kinky.  

All those TV chefs couldn't stop vegetables from tasting like snot so I continue the age old slaughter, I hope you are happy Rachael Ray!  

 Life is too short for broccoli.

Old Knudsen is a Presbyterian Pagan, that means that I love and venerate nature while at the same time condemning it for being sinful. The rainforests of South America are the lungs of the world, they are getting cut doon and turned in 3 football pitches every day .... you know what the south Americans are like with their soccer ... thanks Obama.  

If you look at broccoli they look like little trees, that right there is a sign from nature to eat animals. The more plants you cut doon the bigger the hole in the Ozone layer and the hotter the planet gets, that's FACT bitches, if you dent it then yer an idiot Conservative who only wants to save the oil or something. "I'm voting Bush in 2016 cos I believe in second chances and he served Ronnie Reagan well enough." 

War criminal #1, Sir Paul McCartney being fed soy bacon by his nurse ... Lets go see John, George and Bingo! ..... just eat up Sir Paul so you'll be strong enough for the new hip.    

Yes, a Presbyterian, Pagan and Nature Warlock of great power, not one to be trifled with but I do like banana flavoured jello, only artificial flavours though as I respect nature. I can feel the pain of all the plants as they get cut doon and plucked from life, they feel far more pain than animals do.
Don't talk to me about how cutting onions makes you cry when an onion is cut off the vine it cries ya heartless bastard! 

Old Knudsen likes weemen so only eating veggies or tofu or whatever is just impossible to do, if I couldn't eat meat I'd probably fall off the wagon and start eating babies again, but not baby potatoes cos that is just fucking cruel.

Hitler clenches in pain mid-shart. 

Of course I'm going to mention that Hitler was a vegetarian, probably still is. Hitler and Morrissey are probably the two most famous, nay infamous vegetarians there is. The evil committed by those two still sends a shudder through the core of Mother Nature herself. If you think that farting cattle contribute to green hoose gases then just think about a world of vegetarians. Hitler nearly achieved that in 1939 but they were too weak to win once General Patton cut off their protein shake supply line in 1944.

Vegetarians say they care about animal welfare yet never offer to take the place of a cow. Rule # 64 never trust a vegetarian, ask Neville Chamberlain about that one. Creatures designed to kill but pretend to be all self righteous by eating nuts an grass an shit .... yes Hitler did eat shit, it was for his bad stomach, I eat a couple of tums but each to their own.

That movie Alive, it was a vegetarian who first started to eat the dead ass strips, on the Titanic only vegetarians survived cos they get mean when they are hungry after years of pretending to be superior. There was room on that door for Jack but Rose said, "fuck up an die so I can eat you" .... I remember it well, if I hadn't cut open a fat person and wore them for the heat I wouldn't have survived, longest movie ever! Or seemed like it anyway. 

The Presbyterian in me denies that I am an animal but I'll go to Heaven as long as I pretend to be better than everyone else, I've a soul and am fuckin enlightened, of course I'll go to Heaven. The Satanist in me ..... did I mention I'm also a Satanist? Well the Satanist in me wears black and poses in capes a lot but embraces my animalistic urges, especially the flinging poo urge.

There is nothing wrong with admitting we are animals that do what animals do, unless of course that animal is a fucking lemur, I bet those bastards eat tofu. 



Monday, 23 February 2015

Star Trek Space Seed

Captain, sensors indicate a ship off the starboard nacelle, it is an Earth ship from your 20th century. Life signs are weak and the ship is powered down. 

Can't you see I'm busy breaking in a new crew member, must you tell me of every little fucking thing that goes on around here, what do I pay you for? 

Captain here in the 23rd century, we exist in a socialist welfare society where money is not used so you do not pay me at all. I shall put it on screen because I wish to, you are not the boss of me, merely some one who is in charge .... I could snap you like a twig with my superior Vulcan strength.  

Kirk - Well someone is on their Pon Farr. Look at that Spock, it doesn't even look like a space ship, we'll beam over once I spill my space seed all over Lt Dillon's space titties... aaahhhhkkkiiirrrkkkk!!!!!

I can't believe we came over for this, it smells like 20th century space farts, what do you think Bones?

Bones - Definitely egg and onion from the mid 1990's Jim and I think our historian Lieutenant McGivers is getting a little moist at all this historical man meat hence the slight whiff of Thai food. If you smash the glass this one might wake up or die .... it's worth the risk .

Kirk - Excellent Bones, I like to smash things ::::smash!:::::

Bones - Sick bay to bridge, our patient has begun to wake up, his morning space wood is quite impressive.

Kirk - Bones I told you to call it 'The well being room' as sick bay conveys a negative image, I'll be down after I complete these performance reviews, Kirk oooouuutttt!!!!

I'm Captain James T Kirk of the USS Enterprise, you've been asleep for 200 years, and you are?

Khan .... just Khan, like Modonna, Cher and Bono. I am an engineer and would like to look at the plans of this ship, specially the life support and weapons systems.

Kirk - Even though I know nothing about you please feel free to study our ship's data base and security protocols, you must have a lot of catching up to do, there were these movies called Twilight, they'll blow yer fuckin mind .... oh oh and check out Breaking bad and Game of Thrones, great titty action in the first couple of seasons and then bleh. 

Kirk - Lieutenant McGivers a word please, your conduct on the landing party was a disgrace, you let your personal feelings of attraction for this man come between you and doing your job. I expect the utmost professionalism from my crew, you've shamed the whole of Star fleet. I don't find you at all attractive and the only reason you are still on board is because those affirmative action goons insist we have a ginger in the crew, gingers on a ship are bad luck .... If you need me I'll be in my quarters with Yeoman Rand, sucking on her ample space norks.

Khan - Ah Lieutenant McGivers or should I call you Marla? You want the 20th century man meat I just know you do. You should wear your hair down and I don't like you talking to other men.

I've 200 years of man batter saved up, wouldn't you like to taste some historical jizz? For academic reasons of course.

McGivers - No, no...

Khan - Don't waste my time I'm sure there are plenty of women in the 23rd century who deserve me more. If you want to stay then stay but you have to ask my permission.

McGivers - Can I, please stay?

 Khan - Yes you can stay and you are going to help me take over this ship. 
 The stunt actors never look anything like the actors, how lame.

But first the sexy time, 200 years, here I KKKHHHAAANNNN!!!!!  

Kirk - It sounds like he's in there playing basket ball or something with Lieutenant McGivers, no doubt catching up on sports. He may be twice as strong as a normal man but Wilson is on his holidays and we lost Philips and Edwards on Rimjob 5, oh and Simmons exploded in the transporter this morning so you are the only red shirt left, stand here with your back to the door and guard Khan, * you'll be grand.*

Yes sir!  

Kirk - Oh and give my congratulations to your wife on the birth of your first child. We'll have you back in Space dock in no time to see them. 

Thank you sir!

Next scene.

Khan - Then I pulled open the door and snapped the guard's neck as a farmer chokes a chicken. You are all fine examples of genetic engineering, we will do president Clinton proud when we take control of the Enterprise and then world after world will fall to us .... Since you women are fit like dancers I'll only give the red outfits to the men and you wear those space thongs. Oh and go make me a space turkey sandwich woman!


Spock - Captain we flooded all decks with space gas but Khan remains in engineering, you must go alone to sort him out as I have some things and stuff I'd rather be doing .... You'll be grand.  

Kirk - I'll set my phaser to kill and get him in the back, no problem.

Khan - Got you! .... That was kinda easy.

Khan - Seriously, this was your plan?  Humans have not evolved much in 200 years, I am a far Superior example of Homo sapiens. 

Space fight! .... wait a minute, who the fuck are these guys?

Meanwhile in Spock's quarters .... Like I said, things and stuff. I wonder how the captain is doing.
Kirk uses his intellect (and a space wrench) to over power Khan.  Kirk - Now I'm the superior homo!  

Kirk - I call this hearing to judge Khan and his crew and Lieutenant McGivers. 20th century people can't help but be anything but savage so I forgive them but will abandon them on a shitty planet, along with the Lieutenant who was definitely bad luck.

Khan - It is better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven, I hope you have a good pair of knee pads bitch.

Kirk - Wouldn't it be interesting to return to this world in 100 years and see what this space seed has sown?

Spock - No, not really captain. 

The crew of the Enterprise didn't bother to check out the solar system they were marooning Khan on and the neighbouring planet, Ceti Alpha VI exploded destroying the ecosystem of  Ceti Alpha V the planet that Khan was living on .... oops.

In 15 years of having a harsh life on Ceti Alpha V Khan turned into an old woman with big knockers. He had soon worn out Lieutenant McGivers who died from asphyxiation during some danger sex. 

For some reason he blamed Kirk for leaving them there and never telling anyone or checking up on them .. ever!

Kirk did think about Khan often and instead of saying his own name when he climaxed he would shout out the name KKKHHHAAANNN!!!!! His therapist believes it has to do with a deeply held belief of inferiority and perhaps guilt at stranding the 74 people on a shitty planet. 

*Irish for you are totally fucked*