Thursday, 31 July 2014

Explain To Me Why Firefly Isn't On And This Is

In a world of fear, death and prejudice one man makes a stand and signs off on Facebook and automatically feels better and so he watches shite TV shows instead.

Under the dome is based on a Stephen King book ... aye that is a giveaway that it's crap. Here are what Mr King's books are like. The beginning: person with hidden talent in a strange place, a mystery unravels. The middle: so slow you could sleep to it as you realise that you don't care what happens to these people. The end part: like a blowjob, happens really fast and leaves a bad taste in yer mouth.

An invisible energy dome comes down over the small town of Chester's Mill in Maine of course, it slices a cow in half as well as buildings. Nothing can go in or out including communication. The outside world is stumped, the Americans, being Americans bomb it and nothing happens.

 The dome made you sick and I'm keeping you here chained up until yer better.

Inside the people of Chester's Mill all have secrets like murder and a drug operation run by the local council and town vicar.
The town's head councilor Big Jim keeps grabbing his shotgun to solve problems while his nutty son Junior chains his ex gurlfriend up in their old bomb bunker.

 Lots of looking up in amazement at the dome. Big Jim on the right who is "big" cos he's fat.

I really mean a lot. This is the useless town Sheriff who got the job when the other one's pace maker was exploded by the dome. They really should have some kind of standard for the Sheriff's department.

Lots of mime work too.

Junior gets made into a deputy and even keeps the job after he shoots an unarmed man dead at point blank range.

One lass is like if Michelle Trachtenberg and Debra Messing had a child. I'm not sure if she is really annoying or if it's just the show. 

I don't know how many are in the dome but new characters keep popping up. Big Jim has murdered two people, his son shot another bloke dead and the guy above killed the red head chick's husband and is shagging her.  

Is the dome alive? is it intelligent? why do people think it's a good idea to put Stephen king books onto the screen? 
I'll be avoiding Facebook by watching this crap and hating myself for it. If you want decent TV then watch The Strain and The last ship. 

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

East Belfast Racists Again

"What's this, then? Romanes eunt domus? People called Romanes they go the house? write it out correctly 100 times and if it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off."

Well done to east Belfast for reminding us that you are not a load of racist cunts by attacking the homes and cars of local Romanian residents who have lived there for a couple of years. I'm sure the children in one of the houses who were watching TV were quite intimidated when a paint bomb came through the window.

The criminal gang known as the UVF are thought to be behind the attacks which doesn't surprise me. That is what happens when you don't address yer gang problems and one of the main reasons why Northern Ireland is a lawless hole full of drug dealing mongs who don't fear the police. 

Get it sorted out or bring back direct rule if you can't.

Making Money On The Sly

Dennis Kocher is a Vietnam Veteran who lives in a gated community called Lake of the Pines, which is east of Sacramento in Callyfornia. 
He has been faced with nothing short of what the Jews went through in the Holocaust, no wait we don't care about that since Gaza right? Ok then his human rights have been infringed just like when the US Calvary slaughtered the weemen and children at Wounded knee .... did I mention he was a veteran

He makes furniture in his garage and gives it to needy families, especially military families. His home owners association has told him to close up shop or face a fine of up to $1,000. The reason he was given is because the furniture is unsightly, and his work is emitting fumes .
On the news he has said that he is donating 50 pieces to military families. Did he do that when he was told to shut up shop? Very generous NOT! Look at that garage, that is not a hobby, that's a business.  

In his Fox News interview it stated that he was in the air force 1961 - 1965 and is are a disabled vet. To be a war vet you must have served during that time of war, you may not have been in combat but it still counts. If he was in combat that would have been mentioned. Being disabled? well that might not have anything to do with the military, it could be his diabeetus. 

I really have issues when veterans use that to gain support in the U.S. from the knee jerking conservative right. The dork from Fox with the flag pin poses the question, "Is this really the land of the free?" what an idiot question, of course it isn't. Have you read the Patriot act?   

He lives in a gated community and probably has his ugly ass restored furniture sitting outside a lot. Home owner associations are around for a reason, they are voluntary, you don't have to live there if you don't want too but people live in gated communities and have rules so people don't make a mess of the place with their little hobbies. 

There was another story about a man who was told he could not have a small American flag outside of his house as it broke the agreement he signed .... yes he was a veteran, that fact was definitely put out there.   

Timothy McVeigh was a veteran, he killed 168 people in the Oklahoma bombing including 19 children in 1995. Just because yer a vet doesn't mean you aren't an evil cunt. Only appreciate those who didn't kill civilians in or out of war, those who served with honour. Veteran doesn't automatically mean hero, get that through yer thick fat civvie heads.

Old Knudsen is a veteran and some of the people he served with would in no way be called a hero. See the 1989 movie Casualties of War which was based on real events if you want to see what war can be like.  

Whats this? Dennis Kocher has a Facebook page on which he sells furniture. A nice little hobby you have there, can I see yer tax returns? Selling cabinets for $650 and people actually come round and buy yer shit. Not declaring this income is very un-American, don't you love yer cuntry enough to pay taxes to it? 
So much slant put onto this story about this poor war hero who just exists to make ugly tables for families of vets that are free of charge, you just have to look for the facts yourself and figure out what hasn't been said.
These stories are to get you stirred up by insulting your alleged patriotism.

You were in the military so you'd think that you could follow orders, it doesn't matter if those orders are not fair, you aren't a fucking teenager, you signed the agreement so gurn up. 

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

No Fool Like A Bitter Old Fool

When some yahoo's put up two Irish tricolour flags on an island in Bessbrook Pond in county Armagh something had to be done. Bessbrook which as us old soldiers would say is in bandit country but today it is a mixed community of Catholics and Protestants.... hold on that's mixed? A load of white people just a different type of Christian and that's mixed? ... stupid arseholes.

A hero arose, a man who loved the Union flag but what's more important he hated the Irish flag. 

 He loved everything English and desperately wanted to be one.

68 year-old Oswald 'Ossie' Bradley swam out to the island intending to replace the Irish flags with a Union flag because just removing wasn't enough, he had to be a cunt too.

Age is no guarantee of wisdom. 

The silly ol spiteful fool who flies a flag at home drown during the little swim in the pond. A teenage boy pulled him to the shore but could not resuscitate poor old Oswald.    

If he had been swimming out to remove them then that would be a tragedy but since he was going to replace them with a Union flag then that my friend is karma, let this be a lesson to you fleggers who use the Union flag as a tool for intimidation and as a gang colour just like those with their scabby tricolours.   

Some people say it was totally out of character for him to do this so we'll just assume he was drunk or high or something. One less bitter sectarian, it's a good start, now get those fucking flags doon they're an eyesore.

Sitting On The Offence

I saw this 1 shot 2 kills t-shirt on a facebook post that was anti-Israel. This shirt is old news as that story broke in 2009, but put a picture of a dead baby beside it and hey it's relevant cos antisemitism is the new hate.
The shirt on the right says, "The smaller the target the harder to hit"  and has what we'd assume to be a Palestinian boy in the sights of a rifle. These are offensive! Israel condemned the 1 shot 2 kills shirt when the story happened, just some lugheads in the IDF who probably don't like Arabs, they were not official and did not speak for Israel.

You get that type in every military around the world and in every walk of civilian life, glued to their Fox news and complaining about immigrants. I think the medical term for these people of profound mental retardation is Fuckwit .

Those two shirts did however have the pregnant woman and the young boy holding a weapon which marks them as enemy combatants so fire away, they would shoot you given the chance. The Congo is famous for child soldiers, many do indeed grow up to become adult soldiers. Weemen can be soldiers, if they like having sex they may get pregnant. Not the unborn child's fault that it's mother is a Fuckwit, just one of the many innocent lives lost to war.

Being a fuckwit is pretty common these days, maybe it's a trend like those low riders jeans were. They didn't look good on anyone but everyone wore and still wears them ..... except Old Knudsen, my waist band comes up to an inch below my useless man nipples, it used to be 8 inches but gravity changed that.

Wearing an offensive t-shirt is very telling. A t-shirt with Iron man on it means you like Iron man, the character, the movies, the comics and possibility have a crush on Robert Downey Jr but who doesn't? it's the big brown puppy dog eyes, but a t-shirt with I heart Hamas doesn't mean you like Hamas, it means yer a terrorist supporting cock sucking child bombing sky fairy believing coward of an ass wipe, yes, it says all that about you.

Still, most just say yer a Fuckwit.  How you like Romney and Ryan now you white trash racist loser?Just wait till Hilary gets in and you can be a misogynist too.

I'm all for expressing yerself with a hilarious shirt or interesting picture that you may have just liked but sometimes there is just going too far. This cunt with the 9/11 shirt needs some real and sudden violence in his life to enjoy the 9/11 experience a little more, such as in me punching the head off him, don't worry, to show you it isn't a racist thing I'd make sure to do it while wearing blackface.
The award for fucking up the 21st century goes to Osama Bin Laden, killing him once wasn't enough punishment for 9/11 and two terms of that Bush idiot who really fucked things up even more.

So I was pretty pleased when the CIA turned him into a zombie and allowed people fire a few shots into him for their emotional closure. The head was not allowed as a target, soon that was all that was left of poor Osama. I think it's still in a box in the Area 51 secret base in Nevada, they feed it bacon and force it to listen to Gareth Brooks, right bastards huh.

Is it any wonder that everyone in the world is so angry or attempting to not be? I do envy the people who can watch and get excited by soaps and the various reality shows without feeling dumbed doon and dirty afterwards. They seem happy with their lack of opinions and general knowledge.  The know that they like or dislike things but can't articulate why. It's usually cos they heard someone else doing it.

Old Knudsen is offended by stupidity more than almost anything else. Shirts designed to evoke an angry or upsetting reaction, not taking the bait. However, posting pictures of the dead to stir up support, when did we get so disrespectful and blasé of the dead that we post it on social media, especially dead women and children?  
If it was members of yer family would you post the pics? 


ISIS The Friendly Extremists

Chief UN investigator Paulo Pinheiro has said that ISIS may be added to a list of war crimes suspects in Syria.
Constant public executions and crucifixions being carried out by the militant group do not do ISIS any PR favours that's for sure.

ISIS has beaten Al Qaeda and other lesser known brands to be the number one radical extremist group in the Middle east. Hard work and networking has paid off.

You may say you hate America the great Satan and say that school children should only be taught the Koran to learn their morals and values and that those who insult Islam must die but are you wearing ISIS?

I'm jihadi, are you?

Show yer friends what it means to be a true Jihadifan, 'well I liked them way back when they were ISIL.'  

ISIS or now The Islamic state is hip and happening, don't get left behind or left by the road and yer head put on a stick.

Mr Pinheiro who was safely in the UN headquarters in New York then bravely went on to say.

"I am not in a position to say who is winning the World Cup of human rights violations. Both sides are doing horrific things and they will continue if there is no accountability."

Just saying that ISIS might have a couple or hundred human rights violations, who is going to do anything about it? What are you going to do send in UN troops? Maybe you can appeal to their better nature to surrender.
In Iraq, ISIS put out a statement saying that all females in the city of Mosul will undergo Female genital mutilation, the authenticity of the statement has been questioned as it was full of typos (ISIS all have university degrees) and it used the older name The Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant .

When you are number one people make up lies about you, as if they would do a thing like that. The heads on the fence in the top picture are fake heads used in ISIS training videos, they would never harm anyone.

Think about that Mr Pinata as you make up yer slanderous lists.


Monday, 28 July 2014

Suicide Bomber Bigotry

Police in Oxford ..... England have apologised to a man who was stopped by armed police as he jogged doon the Southfield Road, East Oxford.

The man 23 year-old man Abu Shalulu was wearing an exercise vest with weights inside for added resistence when he was mistaken for a Hamas suicide bomber.

"This is racism init?" said Mr Shalulu "I was wearing my vest, like the one Prince Harry wears when he workouts and the Zionist pig squad assumed I was a terrorist because I'm not white and blonde ."  

"The mask is so I don't breath in the car pollution and the head band is to keep the sweat out of my eyes, I don't know what it says, probably something like 'just do it'  I'm very surprised they didn't just shoot me dead and drag my body through the streets."

Mr Shalulu a religious studies student had just returned from a 3 week holiday in Lebanon is considering making a complaint to the police Ombudsman for racial profiling.

The Thames Valley Police have assured him they will be more considerate now they know the circumstances and will inform other officers not to stop him on his run past the army barracks,  synagogue and out to a rural landing strip where he is taking flying lessons.  

The man in the street says. 

Terry, an average person says, "The slaughter in Gaza is so terrible that I made a montage of dead children pics posted on Facebook as my screen saver, don't ask me about this story I only watch the news for Gaza, in between my soaps."   

When asked about Hamas he wasn't sure what it was.  

The World Is Depressed

During the great depression people caught anxiety and sullenation from infected French sailors. 

I've been thinking about the problems around the world and many of the problems stem from the inability to move on from the past. People want things like justice for events like murders but to open up 30 year-old cases means accusing people in the present who may now be top politicians and that just rocks the boat. Justice is overrated so get with the program. 

Nelson Mandela's shit didn't stink and everyone loved him but no one kept bringing his terrorist past. Even Che Guevara has followers today who weren't even born when he was dispensing his own brand of slaughter in Cuban prisons. The Dalai Lama is seen as a peaceful cheerful looking chap rather than a pampered cunt who misses his Tibetan slaves and who had Nazis as friends. Brad Pitt's character wasn't just a German mountain climber.

 I've always suspected him of being mildly retarded, always too happy for my liking.

Sure a top Buddhist monk in Sri Lanka has just said that the Lama has been influenced by Islamist extremists and that he isn't a real Buddhist leader as he doesn't want to visit Sri Lanka in case he upsets China but who is going to hear about a story like that with Gaza going on and planes constantly falling from the skies? 

So Old Knudsen who is an experienced healthcare expert has cum up with a solution to world peace with using what depressed people get told. 

It's in the past and you can't change the past, acknowledge yer feelings then let it go. You can only effect the present and the future so move the fuck on. 

See? as simple as that. You may still feel the hurt and the pain so grow a pair and move on, no one cares. Yer holding up the line. 

 Click on it if you want, no one cares about yer depression cos you depress them. 

Do you yammer on about sleights done to yer people 40, 50 or 100 years ago?  Do you have seething hatred for people you don't even know?  Did you have to be taught why so and so are cunts from yer parents?  Do you wave flags and complain about things that you don't have a clue about?  Do you use events from hundreds of years ago ... a time in which you or yer parents or grandparents weren't even born to piss off others while pretending to celebrate this thing which you had no hand in?

Well then yer a dickhead, time to move on as you've wasted enough of the world's time, resources and energy on this and why the fuck were you not sterilised to prevent mini yous? 

Education and healthcare was wasted on you, yer opinions are swayed by issues that blind you and you can't learn from the past. Yer as self-aware as a nutty turd. Yer idea of living in a society is to cause trouble and to bring forth the hates of the past and put it onto those in the present. It isn't all about you!

So where do I pick up me Nobel peace prize from or am I not cuntish enough to have won one?  I can't pick it up this weekend as I'm manning the suicide hotline again. I've never had a repeat caller so I must be good.


Sunday, 27 July 2014

Sexy Art


Today instead of gratuitous adult nakedness in protest against Christians Muslims and Jews who support child abuse as a part of their religious beliefs I thought I'd give you art instead. Here is Milo Moiré, a lass from .... I dunno somewhere foreign who gets onto trains arse naked except for some fuck me pumps, a hand bag and a pair of hipster glasses.
Just because she walks about like this doesn't mean that she is asking for it ... it's art. Just like the time she plopped out paint balls from her minge. I have one of her vadge explosions up on my wall, she could have at least removed the pubes.
   I believe Old Knudsen has mentioned his big man sized like of tits hanging doon ... definitely art.
You untrained plebs just see a naked chick but Old Knudsen sees the emotion that screams out like a lass whose minge is getting waxed. 
Art means not smiling but instead just ..... being.
Also it said it was art on the porn site I got it off. 
What an enigmatic expression, only she knows why she painted her toenails and not her fingernails. 
This one is saying, "help I'm retarded and haven't eaten in weeks" only a fellow artist can see the layers of subliminal artistic angst. No offense to any retards reading, at least I didn't say Spaz.
Ryan Gosling makes my stench trench weep with joy yet I remain dry and sullen. 
I don't know art but I like what I don't know, what is she about to shrug and say? 


Friday, 25 July 2014

Flying Cars Are Here

They promised us flying cars by the year 2000 and it looks as though the experts were right and holding out on us.
A car I had about 15 years ago the Vauxhall Corsa obviously didn't have the flying ability, I must have just missed out but now they can indeed fly.

A 25 year-old driver in Hop Pole, near Spalding ..... no seriously, these are real place names. Must have engaged the flying feature without aligning the inertial dampeners .... rookie mistake.

 You kicked me off the island, why?  .... oh fuck off Wilson.

Not that I'm saying that lil boy racers buy these cars and then can't drive them, ok then maybe I am. The BBC didn't say if the 25 year-old was male but c'mon the fuck, a little old to be racing around the streets of .... where is it Hop Pole? You must be sooo fucking cool you forever alone little man racer. I bet you have a fat tip too, well had until it fell off.

The car careered off the road and flew through the air and smashed into a back bedroom. No one was home and the driver got away with broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. In the age of camera phones are you saying that nobody got it? A garden fence was destroyed and some shrubs were startled.... probably won't flower again until the end of August. I hope yer pleased. 

Burritos ... Ask Me How

Besides Boojum in Belfast there aren't many places to get a burrito in Northern Ireland. Old Knudsen likes Del Taco and Bakers and he used to like Taco Bell until they cut back on their portions but now he'd even take that.

Gingo friendly Mexican food is what I want, not what they call Mexican food here, it's atrocious ... a few peppers do not Mexican food make.

So after a couple of year without any I went on the hunt for something that passed for gringo burritos and found ingredients that worked. I now share my findings with other Northern Ireland plebs who are sick of potatoes.
It's easy to cook and can be done well within an hour, 30 mins if you aren't stopping to take pictures. 

The ingredients:

I use this as the rice filler because I'm a chicken sort of person. This can be found in Sainsburys.

I prefer flour tortillas which can be bought in various sizes at Sainsburys or Tesco.

An onion and some chicken. I usually get breast meat but I fucked up and got thigh for some reason, ah well it all comes out the same.

Salsa and guacamole from Sainsburys, just any old stuff will not do. Get tortilla chips and use these as dips if you want.

Yoghurt instead of sour cream, this is from Sainsburys. Don't buy stuff called sour cream or guacamole from the makers of Mexican type food brands as they are just easy to pour shite.

You can add peppers if you want, I usually add a small can of diced tomatoes but I forgot them.

Cilantro, otherwise known as coriander.  

Refried beans as found at Sainsburys and Tesco.

The most important part .... hat sass! A burrito is just a means to get hot sauce into my gob. I found Cholula at Tesco, that's the stuff real illegal immigrants would use so it must be nice. If you can't get that then something like Texas pete, if you can't get that then Frank's hot sauce but do try to get Cholula.

So easy to make.  Wash and chop yer coriander and put it in a Tupperware. Then chop yer onion and put it to the side for now. To avoid crying while peeling an onion, do it underwater, many swimming pools frown upon this but if you do it sneakily they won't have a clue. I've made whole stews in local swimming pools.

Then chop yer chicken, obviously you chop that last to avoid cross contamination. I hope you've already washed yer hands before cooking and after handling raw meat. Old Knudsen may not wash his cock for months at a time but he does believe in hand washing and will notice every single time a food handler touches their face or hair. Some of those TV cooks are durty buggers, a 3 second hand wipe on a cloth does not mean clean.      
I also disinfect areas that I've had the packaging of raw meat on before carrying on with the cooking cos I have OCD issues.

Cook yer chicken in a pan (a deepish panwith a lid) with some oil until it's cooked .... I'll assume you know what cooked chicken looks like. I like to cook chicken with paprika cos I like the pretty colour.

Throw in yer onion and other veg if you have it, let that cook then throw in yer rice from the one pan meal, let that cook for 1 minute, stirring of course.

Add 350ml of water, the El Paso sauce and seasoning and stir.

Not very encouraging, it looks like a soup of sorts. Bring to boil then lower the temp to simmer. I put the lid on the pan and set ma timer for 15 mins.

Stir a couple of times while it's simmering.

As if by magic it becomes food. Not very colourful since I forgot the tomato and didn't add pepper but oh so tasty.

I then empty a can of refried beans into a bowl and microwave it for 2 mins. 

If you cook using gas then you can toast the tortilla over the flame for 5 seconds each side or just microwave it.

The rice meal, beans, salsa, guac, yogurt, coriander onto the tortilla. I've under filled this one since I eat like yer lass in the top pic. 

Now you have a burrito, pour yer hat sass onto it as you eat .

Everything can be packed into Tupperware containers and kept in the fridge, the tortillas can get a clamp put onto the package and put in too.... the hot sauce can stay out. 

I'll feed off this for a week just adding everything onto a tortilla and microwaving it for a minute or so.  

Good light food for hot summer days, once the work is done there is no cooking .... unless you run out of beans and have to open another can.

Now you have the secret of Old Knudsen's burritos, use this knowledge with respect, it's all about the ingredients so do try to get them.