Monday, 31 March 2014

Cutting Off The Left Doesn't Make It Write

Mark Goddard has a reason for looking like this. I don't just mean bad genetics or the fact that he is English, the man is in a world of pain and the NHS won't help.

His left arm has been in pain since a motorcycle accident in 1998 but doctors won't do anything except put him onto 40 pain killers a day. He asked them to cut his left arm off but because he had an in tact, useful hand they refused to.

I can just imagine him talking to himself as he puts his master plan into action, "I'll teach you, like my hand do you? oh boy, I'm crazy .... like a fox, you can't outwit me." I would have used a guillotine for cutting paper. A handy tip for you ... at the end of the world merely unscrew the single screw holding the blade on and you have a handy curved sword.   

So the miserable looking fucker cut his hand off. People in chronic pain can smile for the 5 seconds it takes to take a photo, not that it would be an improvement. C'mon lad, worse things happen at sea.

It was after receiving a letter saying they would not amputate his arm that he started to make the guillotine, maybe he has never used an axe before or maybe he believed how easy it was to cut bits off thanks to the Walking dead and other zombie movies.

He planned it that his wife and son were out and laid plastic and paper doon in the garden. The axe only cut half way through with his hand hanging off backwards and since he wasn't able to reset his machine single handed, he grabbed a scalpel and cut through the rest of the tendons and arteries.

He had a bucket with charcoal burning away and threw his hand onto it so the doctors couldn't sew the hand back on.
After he bandaged his stump he texted his wife to call for an ambulance as the blood still pissed out.

He dragged his machine into the shed and cleaned up his drop sheets a bit. Fair play to the crazy fucker he did sit on the bench outside rather than get blood all over his hoose.

When his wife got there he got her to hose off the patio while they waited for an ambulance. It took a while so he then got her to mow the lawn and put up some shelves ..... hey you can't expect a one handed man to do it.

So now the doctors don't have any reason not to cut off his arm ... or so he thinks. Maybe having a useful hand was merely an excuse for not cutting big bits off yer body off as it's kinda dangerous surgery.

He says he'll cut off more bits of his arm if they don't, how about some psychiatric treatment for the lad. Maybe a chin implant and a hair graft .... the things he does to get out of putting shelves up.

The NHS is full of incompetents and many who just don't care, being in pain is never taken seriously as it's yer word about the level of pain yer in and hey, everyone just wants drugs right?

There are some good people in the NHS but they are fighting against a terrible system and the incompetency of many others.  

Good for him, he may be a crazy fucker but it's a crazy system with crazy standards.

Kris Hallenga has become a spokesperson for breast cancer after being diagnosed with it at the age of 23. When she was 22 she went to her doctor with a large lump in her breast and the doctor said it was hormones, you'll be fine.
After 6 months she still had it and went to a different doctor who said, ach it's probably the pill yer on, go home you'll be fine..... cos that's what doctors do.

She is young and breast cancer in young weemen is not common. It's best to go home and have a cup of tea instead of worrying about tit lumps.

NHS doctors aren't used to thinking outside the box and the last thing they want to do it to raise costs by ordering tests. They don't even weigh you or even take yer blood pressure for fucks sake. The second doctor didn't even re-examine Kris as she had been examined 6 months ago .... huh?????

Kris' mother told her to insist on seeing a consultant and a referral was made for that. By the time all of this took place her breast cancer had spread to her spine.  You can read about her amazing self right here. Kris is now 25 and is living life to the full as you never know how much time you have left or when the drugs will stop working.

It's bad that you have to insist and have to take matters into yer own hands as Mr Goddard did, so to speak.  In the US they would do tons of tests in order to rule things out and it wouldn't takes weeks to get the tests. Of course if you don't have medical insurance or money then yer fucked. The NHS may be crap but it's better than nothing.

If you have to navigate the NHS then here is Old Knudsen's advice.

GP's and other doctors only like things they can see and treat which is why chronic pain and mental illness gets brushed aside and you don't get help. If they can't treat you they may just refer you to someone who can or it's just their way of getting rid of you .... passing the buck.

Be yer own health advocate, if you aren't getting help then insist on it. If you have a lump or strange discharge make sure they do tests. If you aren't happy then see another doctor but demand treatment.

It's in yer best interest to speak up.  Old Knudsen is past caring about the feelings of doctors and surgeons who should know better. If you don't want to do yer job properly then go work at KFC.

When a doctor keeps a stack of blank wills in his briefcase then maybe you should change yer doctor. 

Doctors do not always know what is best for you, they are overworked and underpaid so it is you that must make sure they are doing their jobs. If yer referral is taking too long then check that it was actually sent. If you are told that you are fine but find that hard to believe then don't.

Going into a doctor's office with depression only to be told that you don't have depression is a load of cock.

Doctors do not like people taking time off work and would rather send you back to work even though you'd suffer and get worse. Don't suck it up, don't know yer place. Being a martyr will get you no thanks from anyone .

There will be no statues built to you for going into work and doing yerself more damage and who has time to go to the doctor when there is work to do?   Yer family need you more than yer work colleagues.    

Insist on treatment, be pushy and check up that they are doing their job.

Yer job is to check yer bits and yer tits. Men can get breast cancer too. Any lumps where there shouldn't be lumps, blood coming out where it shouldn't, fever, fatigue, pain, skin or eyes looking jaundiced or skin looking darker, white patches in yer mouth, odd moles or warts, odd weight loss .... if in doubt, get it checked it out.

The sooner the better as catching most health problems early gives you a better chance of being cured.

The NHS isn't free, you pay taxes to support it and so you are the customer. Demand customer satisfaction.  You shouldn't have to threaten legal action or cut bits of yer body off.  

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Sexy Mother Funker

In the UK it's Mother's day, otherwise known as Smothering Sunday as today it is totally legal for mothers to smother their ungrateful, demanding offspring.

Old Knudsen thought you'd appreciate seeing some mothers in all their glory as they raise their unborn children by cutting back to two packs a day and getting lots of frolic acid an shit.

Gurl with the wha? tattoo. 
If you get a tattoo and it's yer only tattoo, make sure it's big and stupid looking and can't be missed if naked. 

Christians do not celebrate today as they should be honouring God rather than their mother .... something about false gods or something.  Well if they do celebrate it they'll go to Hell. Hey I didn't write the rules. 

According to Christianity it's ok to find pregnant weemen attractive because they have a child in their belly, sort of a pedophilia by default. 

This woman isn't pregnant, she just gives off that motherly vibe which many men find very sexy. If it wasn't for stupid laws and selfish fathers, 8 out of 10 men would marry their mums.

All men except those attracted to children and farm animals keep a book called the Taboo book. This contains a list of names of weemen who you'd not have sex with because of who they have shagged such as Sandra Bullock for shagging Jesse James,  Charlize Theron for shagging Sean Penn and Jessica Biel for shagging Justin Timberlake. Other men are Robbie Williams, Gerard Butler , Colin Farrell and John Mayer as they are all walking STD's or just creepy.

Even though Scarlett Johansson shagged Sean Penn it goes without saying that she is too hot to be ruined , such things need not be explained, they just are.   

It is medical fact that if a pregnant woman shags a bloke with a big penis the baby has a 84% chance of having a heart attack thinking it was under attack by a snake. It's a fear imprinted in our primal DNA.   

Weemen who do not look pregnant while being pregnant are usually called not yer partner and should be treated with scorn. 

A future mother figures out a baby sling.

I'll probably not be on Facebook today as all the 'yer Ma is so special' crap will probably be up. What is she the rest of the year?
Whoop de fucking doo I have a mother, she is so special cos she didn't drown me at birth but she is old now and needs to be in a home. 

Friday, 28 March 2014

Dead Knight Time

How will you be remembered after death? Will anyone remember you? Does it really matter? As long as people remember you then yer rest in the cosmic soup is going to be less than peaceful.

This knight said, "If I die in battle, make me a statue on my crypt with me in my armour, with cool lions on my shoulders and my mighty sword resting on top of me, but above all, make me look like a bold warrior who died surrounded by the bodies of his slain enemies .

If you make me look ghey I will cum back and give you the willies ..... what are you laughing at? 


Thursday, 27 March 2014

10 Amazing Facts About Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong un believes that his father Kim Jong il is still around and often asks questions to an empty room hoping for a knock to give him an answer. It is said that Kim jnr is told who to kill and who to bomb by ghostly Kim snr. Every night an extra place is set at the dinner table in case the dear leader visits. 

Kim hates Bono. The U2 singer is taller than Kim, isn't afraid to point and often tells Kim what he should be doing.  U2 have never played a concert in North Korea and never will. Bruce Springsteen who is the same height (in his cowboy boots) as Kim will be playing a concert in Pyongyang later in the year as Kim is a big fan ..... well a below average fan at least.
When he launches missiles he does it while watching porn and then runs into the next room where his wife is waiting to have sex. launching missiles and killing people are the only things that will get him hard.

Kim wants to be a tall black man and spends days in recluse at his Pyongyang palace drinking cognac and playing his favourite video game, Grand Theft Takeaway in which his character is a black man who kills and takes whatever he wants. Like his actual life but black.  To cut time going to the bathroom he wears nothing except an extra large adult diaper.

There was a joke behind his back it that you can smell him before you see him. When Kim found out about this he had doctors remove the noses of his servants and replaced them with fake magnetic noses like what the actor Owen Wilson has .

Kim has a double who sometimes goes out in public instead of him. After rumours went around that the double was doing a little extra acting in the bedroom he disappeared ..... or did he? they all look the same.

According to the Chinese media, Kim was hunting bears in the North Korean mountains when he discovered a cave littered with the ancient bones of unicorns, he returned with several horns and made unicorns from the DNA, he now has the largest unicorn stable on the Asian continent.

Kim can also get erections when he hugs Dennis Rodman .... he just pretends he is hugging his hero Michael Jordan, well 'those people' all look the same to him.

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Proof That God Exists

And God doth giveth his greatest gift to weemen.

The discovery of tiny particles or gravity waves which are ripples in space time has made a big splash in the scientific community. These waves or quantum fluctuations have never been seen before until some scientists at the south pole were able see them with this really cool telescope BICEP2.

The telescope enables them to measure the polarization of light left over from the early universe. I'm not sure who it is that is making this claim as their names have not been released though others not involved in the study have spoken about it and the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics gets thrown about a lot in order to impress you.

What does this mean? Fuck all that's what.

The big bang.

These eggheads now believe that the Big Bang didn't just happen from out of no where, there was something there first, the universe existed before the bang.

Luckily this also can be interpreted into Genesis .... from the Bible, not Star Trek II which was a fucking kick-ass movie by the way.

Well duh, who the fuck created God? ...... He didn't pop out of his own belly button did he? I wonder how big God was, maybe big enough to poke a hole into a planet and fuck it like a pocket pussy, wow what a creation story you have there.

The gods are a petty lot since this one wanted a pinky promise that you'd never worship none of the other gods before him I suppose he was a little insecure. Maybe his Da or his brother were better, more mentally stable gods.

When CNN which is as dumb as a box of dried, chapped cunts puts the big bang along with what the Bible says then Old Knudsen wonders, just who was it and from what organization did this study? 

Hawking gets all his good shit from Yahoo answers.

Fred Hoyle, who coined the term “Big Bang,” famously stated, “A common sense interpretation of the facts suggests that a super-intellect has monkeyed with physics." He didn't think that it could have occurred by random chance.

Stephen Hawking said, “It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the Universe going.” 

Cage fight!

C'mon Hoyle, knock that smart arse from that smug chair of his.

Old Knudsen doesn't believe in coincidence, though he does believe that 'shit happens.'

Jesus died for yer sins...... which was nice of him.

So, finding these waves just before Easter is an obvious sign that the Bible is true and therefore the God of the Jews, Christians and Muslims totally exists. So enough with the imaginary friend shit or saying that you just believe in a god because yer a pathetic and weak person who can't cum to terms of  this being all there is and so invents some vague afterlife where everything is awesome. 

Obviously Jesus existed right? we've been talking about him for 2000 years so he must exist. Who needs fact when we have rumour and hearsay?  

James Martin who knows 5 things about Jesus. 

I liked the CNN piece, Five things you didn't known about Jesus by the Rev. James Martin. I didn't know that the C in CNN was Christian ... did you? Maybe it's not Cable News Network maybe it's Cunts No Nothing, aye sure I'll work on yon spelling why don't I.

#1 was that Jesus was from a nowhere town, aye a little bit like how Liam Neeson is from Ballymena, people say where?
Isn't it funny how 2000 years later we know everything there is to know about some sand savage from a no horse town and most people know fuck all about their own famlies 200 years ago.

Well I think it's funny, especially since he wasn't a big deal then, I mean that he wasn't the thorn in the side of the Romans like in yon movies. If he was then the Romans would have written about him cos they wrote about everything.

#2 was that he didn't know everything. That's fucking stupid, not even God knows everything because if he did then flooding the world, the plague and the Holocaust, they would just be totally cuntish things to do, now don't go making excuses for him yer just enabling him.

# 3, 4 and 5 were just as stupid, no facts but hey we know so much about him without the facts. No one expects a US President to show his birth certificate so I doubt that anyone would expect an ounce of verification from the Bible ..... ya know, something as important as that.   

If this was a TV show these two would be demons or aliens deceiving humans into thinking they were godly folk.

I like Christianity, it teaches one to be humble, to love and accept everyone as a friend, to lead by example and to not judge. I don't like the bit where you have to molest children, that's not cool.

$600,000 in donations was stolen from Joel Osteen's Megachurch in Houston. Wow, it must be Satan or maybe some black Muslim people on welfare.

That money was probably going to go to the poor in Africa , Haiti or Tahiti.  The church immediatly grabbed it's petty cash box and put out a $25,000 reward for clues.

The Rev James Martin seems like a know it all, ask him.

So yes, God does exist because we can now measure some bits of light. Even if you didn't expect facts before handing over yer time, money and soul there is always that leap of faith .... aye that's what people say when they don't have any evidence of God.

We don't need a condom, just have faith and everything will be all right. You got pregnant and caught my 3 STD's ? well God works in mysterious ways.

It's ok to put faith into people or gods who constantly let you doon or do as they please, just have peace of mind that while you may not have won the lottery during yer life or found happiness or someone was taken away from you either violently or by an illness but you were (for the most) a nice person. I mean you were a back stabbing snooty cunt but hey you didn't kill anyone, there might be a place in Heaven for you .... I said might.  


Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Northern Ireland, Love It Or Leave It

 I wonder what they are trying to say.

Top 'O' the morin to ya, to be sure .... potato! just some of the things you'd expect to hear in Northern Ireland because we're Irish with leprechauns an shit.

Leprechauns are actually the old gods that have been turned into an easy to mock caricatures by the early Christians. They didn't want their sort around here. St Patrick is celebrated for getting rid of the Pagans/Snakes .... imagine making a figure of religious intolerance a hero. The Pagans who didn't fall for the old 3 leaved clover trinity bullshit were converted at the point of a sword.  

So early on we've always discriminated and people like St Patrick came from elsewhere to tell us who to discriminate against ..... well except for St Patrick, like most of the saints having been made up. 

 A Polish woman with the block that came through her window.

DUP member John Smyth thought he'd get ahead in the polls by attacking the Poles. Even those who want to be community leaders are often hateful cunts. 

Since the 1500's the Catholics were persecuted under the rules of Henry VIII, Queen Elizabeth I, King James I and of course Cromwell when he ruled Britain, even the Protestants were persecuted if they weren't the right, sanctioned flavour of Prod .  It was all about getting rid of the Catholic Irish and taking their lands.

So we can't even abide our fellow white people who have the same faith but don't share the same exact believes.

The English didn't see the Irish as civilized which is funny as it's the British Prods who are acting very uncivilized, not very British like at all.

Many of the lower class people of Northern Ireland don't politely queue or take their turn, they don't say "excuse me" or "please" and "thank you" they don't cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze and they just aren't nice.

Why did you just spit on the ground? did yer mouth just suddenly fill up with water? Ya know what Old Knudsen never needs to do? aye, he never needs to spit on the street, like most civilized people he swallows without even thinking about it a lot of the time, may be you should go see a doctor.

Not at all British, more in common with the blacks from the ghettos of the U.S. Old Knudsen has lived in the ghetto and he's lived in Northern Ireland so he kinda knows. You don't have manners, you dress in sweats and track suits, you don't value hard work or education and you can barely read, speak, write or comprehend English, you speak spidebonics.    

But you don't like black people .... not as if you've really actually met one.
So you have all these English and Scottish Prods who resettled the north east of Ireland, they hated the Irish who were Catholics, and they saw the Irish as little more than animals. There was a time when you could legally kill an Irish person as if you would a dog ..... weemen weren't treated much better but at least they knew their place.

Is it any wonder that Catholics wanted to blow James I up in Parliament?  The Catholics (after a few centuries) decided to stop being victims and began to hate Protestants right back. Now you have two lots of bigots begetting each other ..... ?

Yes I know the correct usage of the word. Doesn't beget or begot sound like someone saying bigot in a posh way? Like how people (like me) say Croissant in the proper French pronunciation of not really saying the 'T'. 

"Oh no, I'm not a bigot, I'm from the upper Malone road, I'm a begot." or does begot sound like a French loaf?

 Suffragette Emily Davidson does suicide by King's horse in 1913

All the while that this sectarianism is going on, weemen's rights are just being ignored. Sure they got the vote but attitudes towards weemen still do not see them as being equal to men. In Northern Ireland a woman is very often not taken seriously and needs a man to step in .... also with abortion being illegal here which is due to religious beliefs, it's the only thing that the Prods and Taigs can agree upon.
Weemen in the workplace make sure they have an inch of make up on and their high heels in order to do their jobs. It's funny seeing a female Doctor walking about in fuck me pumps with her cleavage hanging out rather than orthopedic trainers and a professional looking blouse.

It's like the people of Northern Ireland have put so much effort in hating others and playing at being oppressed that they just didn't get around to becoming self aware. The Troubles are used as a handy excuse but you know what? the fucking Troubles are over, dry yer eyes. Going on about heritage and culture when they don't even know who they are as individuals never mind as a people.   

We've had seven race related attacks in 10 days which included attacks with pipe bombs in DerryLondonDerry (rape city) and petrol bombs in Rathcoole. They don't mind at all if there are children in the houses because not attacking children would be to discriminate against them as that would be ageism and that would be very very wrong. 

If you have this big fuck off message as you enter the Rathcoole estate then you should know that you are entering a major inbreeding zone so don't expect a friendly welcome if yer an outsider. 

At the moment it's mostly Eastern Europeans getting the brunt of the attacks, you could compare them to the Mexicans of America if you will since they get treated just the same .

 Yokel, "coming over here taking our jobs and living on our welfare, how dare they, well ok I didn't want the jobs cos I'm lazy and I'm on welfare, I just hate to think that others are getting more than me..... besides, day don't fuckin talk English an there bound 2B Fenian."

There is no massive outcry of rage against these crimes as that is usually reserved for important issues like flags or a parade to commemorate some person who was blown up 30 years ago. 

The people of Northern Ireland are expected to put up with shit because they don't know any different and are not used to anything better, they are told how the Africans would be so grateful for this and for that and yes, they would be, except if they got them the locals would run them out.

Many things in Northern Ireland just get shrugged at and we are told, 'that is just how things are' and if you complain too much or have a differing opinion then just like the Republicans in the US you get told to 'love it or leave it.'  Why must we always have sectarian murals? Not very clear on that one. Do you know how easy it would be to paint over them and arrest people who try to paint more? Quite easy but no, the police stand and watch them do it. 
Christine and Micheal Bower are quitting politics to look after their two young children, getting paint
bombed for being in the Alliance party was a factor that helped them decide it too. 

So bombing someone and throwing bricks through their window for being a foreigner or for having a different political opinion is something to love? this is seen as normal Northern Ireland shit. Love it or leave it sounds very much like lump it or leave it and do without. 

Why would you put up with this shit, why would you run away from it by moving elsewhere? What if elsewhere had similar problems do you just move again? 

The love it or leave it option is not very well thought through. 

You don't have to love the cuntry you live in, there is not a law that says so but what if you did love yer cuntry but the the people in the cuntry were wankers and the cuntry was heading in the wrong direction what do you do? 

Old Knudsen would think that you'd try to change things and stand up for what is right. I'm not going to pretend all is well and put up with shit because that is the way it has always been done. I will speak out and when I win the lottery I'm out of this fucking third world backwater idiot province, until then I'm stuck here and those people who don't like me complaining about what bigoted racist arseholes they are  are stuck with me too. 

If you don't like me complaining about yer inbred incestuous ways then get some money together so I can live elsewhere but if you cum near me with one of yer pipe bombs at 3am as you hide in the shadows like the coward you are then I'll shove it so far up yer hole that you can light the fuse by opening yer mouth and wiping the shit off it. 

Northern Ireland ..... don't put up with it, change it. 



Monday, 24 March 2014

How Do You Like Yer Freedoms?

The majority of people on social media always have so much to say ..... not! 

Old Knudsen has always said, "You are only as free as the government allows you to be" not much good as a chat up line but there you have it.

In Turkey they are finding out what a repressive cuntry they are even though they go on about being more European and not really radical Muslims at all ...... aye, pull the other one. Turkey is always just one step away from going full retard, they just need the push.

The Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan doesn't like the people sharing information and really doesn't like them leaking telephone calls that prove that the government is corrupt.

He says the tapes that were leaked are fabricated and then he blocks the use of Twitter in Turkey which they were posted on, looks like they aren't that made up after all. Imagine that, the Turkish government corrupt, show me a government that isn't corrupt.

The PM has vowed to  "wipe out Twitter" and what you get in Turkey now is a screen saying, oops we have a problem, I'm sure they do.
It seems funny that Twitter of all things threatens this bloke so much. It isn't the war in Syria, economic downturn or that Turkish men are all rapey, it's fucking Twitter. I wonder if you can get my blog in Turkey.

For years, Turkey has been trying to get into the EU by showing how progressive they are and the EU has told them to obey EU law and we'll see.

We'll see is what you tell children instead of 'no' as they might have a slim chance of getting what they want if they play ball and if Hell freezes over. 

When asked what others will think of this Twitter censorship Erdogan said,  "I don't care what the international community says at all. Everyone will see the power of the Turkish Republic." 

 An Ottoman

Scary rhetoric considering he fancies himself as a bit of a dictator bringing back the Ottoman empire  and getting a tight militaristic hold on all things remotely Turkish. Aye build up yer military, thats all we need, another large army for Al Qaeda to infiltrate and take over. 

A devout Muslim, Erdogan, has to be sending out warning signals to the west. How is introducing laws that can shut websites doon without getting a court order first gonna sound? It sounds like he's all 'oh the Interweb is Satan's tool and is all run by the US'  Stupid backward shit.

Obama and Cameron would love to do this but they can't look like they support this because, well it's Turkey.  'How dare you treat the Turkish people this way!' ......... shit I wish we could do that.  

Turkey just shot doon a Syrian fighter jet as it attacked rebels on the border. Turkey said the jet had violated it's airspace. Erdogan said,  "Our F-16s took off and hit this plane. Why? Because if you violate my airspace, our slap after this will be hard."

Oppressing it's citizens and looking for a fight, yep it's gonna get one, but not from Syria as they are well too busy.  

So as you think about how yer government doesn't want you to own M60's or Mini-guns .... even though the constitution mentions these by name, or how you can't make death threats or incite violence against others on Facebook, just be glad that you have Twitter and FB and that things haven't gotten so bad and we can still watch movies online without paying for them .... now that is freedom.  Enjoy it while you still have it. 

Sunday, 23 March 2014

Ass Burger Sunday

Good Sunday all you Christian pedos and various other religious molester types. Tis the day that is sacred to the lord,why should anyone get two days off work when he only got one? Some Christians huh.
Look upon these fleshy mounds of adult and turn ye away from the kiddies!  Jesus said, never.

The only thing that makes a chunky ass even hotter is the illusion of intelligence given here by a pair of fake glasses. 

This lass has no glasses and looks fucking dumb but who really cares?

Totally dumb.
A right window licker.

Ok enough with the faces, is that supposed to be hot?

No glasses but at least you could park yer bike.

Have a good Sunday and don't do anything you'd be embarrassed explaining to the paramedics .