Thursday, 4 December 2014

Stephen Hawking Has Artificial Intelligence

In a world of infinite possibilities I still get laid more than you do ... ha ha.... ha ha.

Prof Stephen Hawking, or Captain Google as I call him has done it again. Hawking is the brilliant scientist who proved that homing pigeons were just statistically lucky sky rats and said some cool crap about parallel universes in black holes. 

He always adds at the end, 'though I may be wrong' just in case any smart fucker who falls sideways into a black hole only to get a nasty dark matter friction burn and sues him.    

He recently said that if aliens came to Earth they would fuck us up .... his words, not mine. Now he says that AI (artificial intelligence) will be the end of humanity . Oh no, we're doomed!

Not to be confused with Stephen Fry who does indeed have artificial intelligence in the same way that Jay Leno is really funny ..... with writers and extreme smugness. 

Hawking is getting an AI system that will learn how he thinks and will create words that he may say. He worries about AI adapting and learning faster than humans and eventually become a threat to all of mankind .... and weemen probably since they evolve and learn at an even slower rate than men do ... which is why you always have to tell a woman to make you a sandwich two times. 

We have all heard of autocorrect which is the scapegoat for morons everywhere but will it eventually evolve and send Putin a text from Obama calling him a cunt just to start WWIII? .... Sorry Vladimir damn autocorrect I meant to say runt.

Old Knudsen does not fear technology as much as professor roller boy does, just have a cup of tea, coffee or other liquid handy to quickly put a stop to AI world domination, or unplug the bloody thing.

Maybe wee Stevie is phoning in the genius these days, it seems that he's getting most of his ideas from movies. 

"Just watched War of the worlds Starring Tom Cruise, I may have a stunning announcement about aliens soon." 

"Just watched Terminator again, am eying up my laptop with suspicion, what if it evolves and takes me over, will anyone notice?"   

I wonder if he watches The Wanking Dead? .... damn autocorrect, ah well, every time Daryl Dixon smiles I just grin and look at those lovely nipples. No I didn't mean dimples.  

No point in having a safety word, yer computer will figure it out. The AI system will still have the famous Hawking voice as chicks really dig it but if he comes out and says something amazing and original then that is when you'll know the AI is in control and those wide eyed drooling grins was actually him trying to tell us.

I can't wait to see what it has to say. An AI that can learn to think like a genius, what will we need him for then? No wonder he's worried.

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