Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Steak Pies And Ale Lies

  Janet Franks and Amanda Critchlow looking stunned .... maybe drunk. 

You hear about people finding things in their food such as a finger or a rodent, well this is the best story ever! These people found alcohol in theirs.

Amanda Critchlow, 56 from Cleethorpes, was tucking into a steak pie at an Asda cafe when her daughter Rebecca thought there was something odd about the meal, said she could taste ale in it.

After confronting the staff they informed them that it was indeed a steak and ale pie which didn't mention ale on the menu.  SHAME ON YOU ASDA!!!!  Asda is owned by WalMart so I'm sure this is a conspiracy of some kind.

Amanda, has been a practising Muslim for the past eight years but she does eat some non-Halal meat .... when it suits her I suppose. She has also had alcohol addiction problems and has endeavored not to consume alcohol for the past 28 years.

"I'm a recovering alcoholic and a practising Muslim – I wouldn't even eat a wine gum. I have been going to that cafe every Thursday for the past few months to have their steak pie. It's a lovely pie and now I know why I like it so much. I couldn't believe it when the staff told me it contained ale."

Not sure what wine is in wine gums but they should come with an alcohol content on the packet. Just so you know how many it takes for a kid to have before they are willing to get into yer Free Hugs van with the blacked out windows.

Amanda says she feels guilty at having broken her religion's laws on alcohol, the rule about the Halal meat is just silly so she isn't worried about that.

Her friend Janet who is 80 suffers from Alzheimer's, her medication specifies that she cannot consume alcohol. She is also prohibited from operating heavy machinery.

Anyone else, No one pregnant? .... ach like Janet cares, she's just happy to be a part of the team.

Amanda said that,  "When my addiction was at its worst I was drinking 15 bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale a day. I collapsed one day and the doctors told me that my liver had had enough. I was given the decision: carry on drinking or die."

The good news is that since she isn't on dialysis her liver has no doubt recovered and what little alcohol content there is in food gets burned off.
She is annoyed that you just don't know what yer eating. Her complaint to Asda went to the catering company then bounced back to Asda who contacted her to apologise and sent her out a gift voucher of £25 and a nice box of chocolate liquors. 

The truth is we don't know what is in our food cos they put fuck all information on the packaging. Janet has been frightened by the whole experienced and has lost trust in eating at the cafe .... it's really easy to scare and panic people with Alzheimer's over nothing so well done.

 Don't tell Janet about the Fluoride in the water.
Please do tell Amanda about the alcohol found in oral care and cosmetic products, there is no Heaven or 72 virgins in her future.

In 2012 Lee Handford, 38,was pulled over by police for speeding (he was in a car) and was recorded at being nearly double the legal drink drive limit. "I am truly sorry for what I did. It will affect me for the rest of my life. I will likely lose my job.  I didn’t feel like I had drank excessively. The steak and ale pie may have taken me over the limit."

He was banned from the road for 16 months, and fined him £165 with £85 costs. Inspector Stuart York, from Cheshire police, said a very sobering, " There is never any excuse for being over the drink-drive limit. Not only was he putting himself at risk he was also putting other road users lives at risk."

Fucking kill joy peelers, mind yer own business.

On the other side Bill Withers, 43, is a vegetarian alcoholic and is suing Tesco cafe for not telling him that the steak and ale pie served there had meat in it. Hardly his fault he was too drunk to notice the word steak.
"I love WWII and anything about Hitler so I became a vegetarian just like him, the pie was half eaten before I realised it was meat, as it came from Tesco it didn't taste like meat and yer my best fucking mate ..... no seriously, I love you man."

  Life on the streets can be tough.

Old Knudsen has had life long addiction problems, in fact when Lost was on I had to watch it every week, me wife couldn't take it any more and left me with the kids ... Or was she my gurlfriend? Anyways she left me with the children and what was I to do with them? If only she had taken them with her. 
I sold them on e-Bay and got the Lost boxed set except you can't really watch those shows over and over, they weren't that good and what the fuck was the smoke monster and that shark did have the Dharma logo on it's tail. 

Not my lowest point though, I once used to doon 12 steak and ale pies before breakfast and would take a straw into shops and suck out the innards of liquors when no one was watching, fuck I hate cherry flavour.
My then wife, might have been a gurlfriend or my older sister, they all blur after a while tried to help me quit but I wasn't ready to accept her help. I'd hide pies on strings out the windows, in upturned light shades, everywhere. It was after Sainsburys did a buy one get one free on beer battered onion rings that I was ready to stop.

A weekend onion ring bender you can't remember but the dead hooker in the garage linking you to all sorts of things has to be a turning point for anyone. 

Some people may laugh about these people and their pies and wonder how some people can be so dumb but you weren't there. Picking and choosing what offends us is what makes us human as does blaming someone or something else. I personally blame the parents, didn't they know what birth control is?

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