Sunday, 16 November 2014

Like a G- 20


At the G20 in Brisbane ..... Australia. Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbot met Vladimir Putin and reassured him that he'd feel comfortable in Australia, "No gays will be allowed within 500 yards of you during yer stay, my security detail are authorised to shoot them on sight. Stupid queers and their equality issues, in my day no one was a poof because we were tough back then, so no women near you this weekend unless you count Merkel and even that is in question, I only let the Shelias do the cooking not the politicking." 

A startled looking Putin stared back and quietly mumbled, "no bitches? I was promised bitches and Crystal ." 

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper showed his Canuck rage when he said, "I guess I'll shake your hand, but I have only one thing to say to you: You need to get out of Ukraine eh." Putin replied, "make me hoser."

Wow, just wow, in Canadian terms that was almost a berserker like rage. Harper then went and sat in a closet to 20 minutes until his hands stopped shaking.

Obama however will shake anyone's hand, he said, "You can have Afghanistan back, we're all done with it" Putin interrupted by saying, "I can't speak English so don't waste your breath and my time, do you like apples? How you like those apples in Syria?  ... next!"  

Obama walked off muttering, 'should have mentioned Ukraine ... damn it.' 

Then he met the head of  Al-Qaeda who was doing the rounds to get funding. For just £3 a month you could give an Al-Qaeda fighter some much needed bullets to kill some infidels, adopt a fighter and receive a cuddly toy and letters from your fighter trying to indoctrinate you and boasting about beheading some Free Syria rebels. 

Putin told Angela Merkel that if she invaded Russia during winter she'd get a warm erection, er reception. Just look at them, probably plotting something devious. 

David Cameron was just interested in showing everyone just how unfriendly he is towards Putin though as usual behind closed doors Dave is everyone's buddy. Putin told him, "I'm just happy to see little countries like England get invited to these events, you should be honoured, Ireland and Italy didn't get invites."    

Putin is a one man party at meetings like this, his fart jokes are hilarious, not to David Cameron who is trying to look tough. 

While everyone talked about Ukraine and sanctions Putin played Angry Cossacks on his phone and updated Twitter, "Am getting told off by the grown ups .... yawn, they aren't the boss of me."

To remind everyone that he can bring on World War fuck you up he had a warship and three support vessels doing exercises off the coast of Australia.

Tony Abbott said that it was a "regrettable pattern of Russian military assertiveness which appeared to be trying to recreate the lost glories of the Soviet Union." Well said Tony except it was said by a leader of a country that never had any glories of its own. 

The glories of Australia, Abbott got the one with mange. 

What kind of cuntry has deadly snakes and spiders but bears that a child could beat into submission? Australia's navy is two guys wearing speedos. Go on Tony say "vagina" you can't can you .... real men don't say the v-word it seems. 

Cameron had the best put down about the Russian fleet "I didn't feel it necessary to bring a warship myself to keep myself safe at this G20, and I'm sure that Putin won't be in any danger."  

Then again is Cameron really classed as a world leader? ... does anyone even care enough to try to kill him? 

Obama brought some good ol made in America produce and tricked Tony Abbott into touching it, "You'd think it was slimy but no, it's actually dry and warm to the touch, what is it?" 

I'm gonna let you finish being all greasy, I just have to say that Jessica Biel has a much better ass and didn't need no sex tape to get famous ..... am I in trouble now? 


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