Thursday, 13 November 2014

Experts Predict Bad Stuff ... Again

Top scientists have made some startling predictions for December, now called Deadcember. Due to climate change (Global warming is an obsolete term) and mystical forces beyond our comprehension we are to suffer a few very bad weeks.

A polar vortex will plunge the UK into a mini Ice-age with higher grounds getting up to an inch of snow. The whole cuntry will cum to a standstill, there will be a lot of moaning and pictures posted on Facebook. Old people will die and due to food shortages many babies and young children will be eaten.
Experts predict it to be the coldest afternoon in all recorded history ... ever! 

Frost cougars will take advantage of the snow and will come down from the hills and form packs to hunt people, even a scratch from a frost cougar will then turn you into one of them, a bite will give you Ebola.  

David Cameron with Ali Baghdaddy.

ISIS will exploit the UK's vulnerability and David Cameron will surrender to them. Everyone will be forced to convert or have their welfare benefits stopped. Alcohol will be banned and the nation will be forced to view life through sober eyes for a change ..... the fucking bastards! 

All weemen under the age of 75 will be forced to get Halal boobs implants to be in line with Islamic law.

The large Hadron Collider 574 ft beneath the Franco-Swiss border will go into melt down after the EU decides on the standard size that God particles should be and this will create a black hole. 

Scientists are 78% sure that the black hole will occur when Asia is facing it so the civilised world will probably be safe. 

Until the week after when Brutus 476 grazes the surface of the earth killing millions and sending debris into the air blocking off all light from the sun. 

Wolves infected with a new strain of the SARS virus will over run Africa so nations around the world will have to build walls to keep the Africans out. 

Bob Geldoff will re-release Do they know it's Christmas with Bono singing all of it cos who needs anyone else? Then Bob will wonder why it is that people in his life tend to kill themselves. The SARS infected Africans will kill themselves in protest to this shite song. Even Midge Ure who used to be cool and who co-wrote the song will have a crisis of conscience and off himself .... Bob will be very sad for a week before giving a two page interview to the Daily Mail about it.

Santa will still not visit Africa cos he's racist and is still recovering from a stroke so Christmas may very well be cancelled everywhere. 

Large crotch eating spiders will invade people's homes to get away from all the crazy weather, the government will then set up a spider tax to charge people for how many spiders they are likely to have in their homes.   

White Americans will riot and post angry comments on Twitter after being told that police will start shooting them too in order to not seem racist. 

Walmart will be voted the # 1 store to loot in America. Their new slogan will be, 'social injustice? ... then why not loot us?'  .... offer of looting does not apply to store employees forced to go on welfare as Walmart does not pay a living wage, terms and conditions may apply.

The west coast of America will catch fire and several movies will be made about it all shot in Vancouver. 

Hilary Clinton will be exposed as a soul sucker demon, being a lawyer she'll go on TV and cry saying she was the actual victim as that guy checked out her ass ...... her approval rating soars and is made President without an election. 

Kim Kardashian's arse does indeed break the Internet and she is sent to Federal prison, she tweets pictures of her designer prison overalls and soon everyone is wearing them. 

It's not all doom and gloom from the "experts" they predict that Jesus will return, just in time for Christmas. However we'll probably kill him again once he starts preaching about that equality shit. 


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