Friday, 24 October 2014

War Machine Needs To Change His Name

The MMA fighter who changed his name from Jonathan Koppenhaver to War Machine needs to change his name again.
Machine is waiting trial for the attempted murder or his girlfriend porn star Christy Mack . In August of this year Christy Mack, and her "friend" Corey Thomas were sleeping in a bed at Mack's home. Though they had sex in the past they were in a non-sexual relationship .... porn stars huh, I don't think the actual sex matters if yer boyfriend is immature, no impulse control and fights for a living.

Machine beat Thomas to snot, he had fractures throughout his face and then he beat Mack who had two missing teeth, a blowout fracture of her left eye, and a lacerated liver.  He also cut her with a knife and sexually assaulted her.

In his little cell Machine attempted to hang himself from a bunk bed with a piece of linen, he wrote a suicide note saying how her infidelity devastated him, also the way she protected him from the beating. 

"I still don't understand how I got into this mess.  I don't know why this had to happen.  My life was going so well. I forgive you, please forgive me."

Luckily a guard found him in time and Machine is alive and well, not sure about brain damage but how could you tell? The slack jawed look he gives is what he always does

Can't take yer punishment like a man huh? I mock yer t-shirts you wore that said things like 'I do Alpha male shit' ... you do dickhead shit.

Career now over and any reputation he had now gone it's time he changed his name to Mr Whinywomanbeatingpussypants, Douchebag Machine or Hand Tool.    

If Old Knudsen ever sees you on the street Mr Whinywomanbeatingpussypants, expect a sudden lights out from Old Knudsen's fist of real manliness .... Old Knudsen is ten times the Alpha male you'll ever be in fact when he pees on things/people to mark his territory he scares himself away. 

I once looked in the mirror and reached up to adjust my cap and I made myself flinch. MMA is for the weak! Mixed Martial Arts indeed, I'll have a mixed grill with chips.

No comments: