Saturday, 11 October 2014

Kim Jong-un Too Young Too Die Fat Too Live

The rumours have been flying thick and fast as to where North Korean leader Kim Jong-un is. The NK dictator has not been seen since a concert in early September and then he was in much discomfort probably caused by trapped wind. 

Old Knudsen has his contacts, one North Korean General Hwang Pyong-wha has known Old Knudsen from way back when we were both young soldiers fighting in the Korean war in the 50's. It was a difficult time for Old Knudsen as Asians all look alike to him, luckily Pyong-wha was there to tell me which ones to shoot.

After me court martial the only job I could get was with the North Korea army in which I had inadvertently become a hero ... good times though they didn't make me a samurai no matter how many times I asked.  
Kim Jong-un is alive and well-ish. The lad suffers from mood swings, paranoia and depression, much like meself and his temperament isn't helped by his pain medication addiction .... It's like looking into a mirror for Old Knudsen so I am able to talk about it.

He has hereditary gout and is lactose intolerant but insists on eating rich comfort foods including his favourite Swiss cheese .... from Switzerland.  He's his own worse enemy since he washes it doon with a bottle of cognac and 9 packs of ciggies a day.

It's ok Kim, yer hair will grow back, you don't have to get it cut like that it makes you too self conscious.

His sister Kim Yo Jong is running things like the forced labour camps and the random executions until he can face the public again. 

Kim hit rock bottom when he accidentally ate his young daughter Ju-ae during a late night eating binge. Since then he has vowed to lose weight and get healthy and has cut out all those fattening vegetables from his meals.

When he gets doon to 300LBS he'll then face the world again. Eating his only child was tough on the poor lad as there wasn't much meat on her and the fact that no one else in the entire cuntry has to battle with obesity means that there is little help and support for him.  

North Korean medical experts are working around the clock with turkey basters to ensure there is an heir .... with bad hair.  

We hope you get well soon .... assuming no one takes advantage and poisons you during this time which is very likely (I've had offers) our prayers are with you.

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