Monday, 2 June 2014

One Girl No Cup

People are full of shit, no wonder they're obsessed with it, or is that just me? Old Knudsen read the unfortunate account of Catherine Duff from Indiana, USA, she was suffering from crippling abdominal pains, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea, her innards was being attacked by the microbe, Clostridium difficile which is usually kept in check by other bateria in the body but it wasn't for her.

The only treatment offered by her Doctors was to take out her colon ... hell to the no! is what she may have said, being American and all.

An Australian doctor had been experimenting with fecal implanting, hardly a new procedure as the chinks have been swallowing shit for 1,500 years but then again they'll eat anything. Hitler was even treated with a poo pill from a vigorous Bavarian peasant for his stomach problems.

An explosion that nearly killed Hitler was blamed on Tom Cruise who was one of his officers back then (Tom is so easily led) but in reality it was Hitler lighting his farts. Fart lighting is very big in Germany and was the main reason Hitler became a vegetarian as that produces the brightest blue flame specials. Tom was blamed for the explosion because as he left he turned to the Fuhrer and said, "Auf Wiedersehen und gute Fahrt" which as you know means goodbye and have a good fart ..... if I'm lying I'm dying.  

Catherine told her gastroenterologist about this ... no not about Hitler. Her Doctor wasn't willing to do the poo but screened her husband's poo for disease and said good luck with that as he reached for the trashcan to barf into.  

Old Knudsen shouldn't be amazed at how easy it is to get an off-the-shelf enema kit, it's America for fucks sake. She got one and a blender and said to her husband, "remember when you said for better or for worse?"
Luckily her hubby was a retired submarine commander, months in a metal tube with 100 men, nothing grosses him out.
Catherine during the procedure. 

"My husband kissed me after I lay down and told me not to worry, that everything was going to be OK, and that it was going to work." Very touching were it not for the vomit in my mouth.

Saline, sailor poop, blender and up the bum. Afterwards he threw the blender out but not before he made himself a delicious smoothie. 

She tried to keep it in for as long as possible and that night she felt almost completely better. From renal failure to full health in half a day. 

The CDC says that  14,000 per year die of Clostridium difficile while in England and Wales 1,646 deaths were recorded in 2012 ..... none in Scotland and Northern Ireland as they are always doing things like group fudge packing parties for hen and stag nights and sweet 16 parties and the like. 

Catherine Duff, set up the patient advocacy group the Fecal Transplant Foundation at the beginning of 2013 which originally listed only 19 providers on her website. Now there are about 75 people who will give a shit.  

2 girls one cup.

Where are you going? I'm not done yet. What about the bloke who had a cow shit fetish? It was Cornwall and he had ASD which is the perfect brew for  trespassing onto a farm and rolling naked in the shit while performing sex acts........ so fucking hawt!

Farmers are very protective of their land and don't like people messing up their cow pats. 

After  David Truscott, 44 was stopped from doing his business on the farm he made death threats to the farmer and even set fire to a shed killing one calf.  See what happens when we don't have guns handy? ach poor wee cow .... bet the fire smelled oh so good. 

Truscott received a 10 year poop free sentence and 5 years probation after that with an extended restraining order on the farm. 

The moral of this post is that shit happens. 


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