Monday, 30 June 2014

Men Of God Are Wild

Wise men going from village to village dispensing wisdom to the young is something we need more of these days. My blog is a 21st century evolution of that, and mostly because I can't be arsed going out as I'm allergic to stupid people.

No offence you stupid twat.

One such wise man is Justin Lookadoo, can ya just try to get past the name? no wonder yer trapped within the hell cycle of reincarnation, you'll never get enlightened and achieve what all enlightened people strive for .... total apathy.
I once asked a holyman sitting calmly under a tree while all the villagers were being rounded up and executed and their cattle raped and slaughtered for food, how he could remain so calm. Does this not anger you old man? Don't you wish to fight back?

 A hipster holyman who was praying long before anyone else started praying.

He slowly gazed around then looked at me and smiled and said, "All my fucks have been given today."  with that pearl of wisdom I told him to go get with the other dead men walking then I burnt his sacred Bodhi tree doon,  aye I was a right cunt in the 80's ..... the 1880's that is, I've mellowed out somewhat these days.          

Justin Lookadoo  is a Christian motivational speaker or a Christianist if you like. Old Knudsen accepts that wisdom can come from anywhere and so remains open to it. Lookadoo has taken it upon himself to travel around US high schools to show young people the kind of values and morals they need to instill for life.

"Dateable girls know how to shut up" ..... yes indeed, it's like you've read my journal. Those are also the ones who try to trap you with pregnancy, all young men should practice looking into the mirror, shrugging and saying, "I thought YOU were taking care of that."

Lookadoo says that gurls should accept their girly-ness and that the sexiest thing on a girl is happiness. Well you can't really go to high schools and talk about firm young bodies and perky breasts, trust me I've tried but they just aren't ready to listen.

Lookadoo the former juvenile probation officer with too much of an interest in the sex life of teenagers also says: 

Girls need to know their place and be subservient while at the same time being mysterious and confident but no little miss independent. Guys need to be needed so you should let them be needed while letting them lead because God made guys as leaders and to just let them be guys.

As they say in India and Pakistan, 'boys will be boys' and 'sometimes rape is wrong' we should learn from ancient cultures like that, not in a religious way as they are heathens but in a just about trust them to go to the shops for you way.

Men of God are wild and boys need to be strong, be honest and not look at porn. Dateable guys are real men who aren’t afraid to be guys. Bring God into it. “What would He say if he was talking to me through this situation?” ... well if it was a young virgin lying asleep then god would probably fuck her without her knowing about it, that shit be immaculate bitch!

Call the baby Jesus or Bob, I don't care it isn't mine.
Good idea, wear a t-shirt with a puke pattern already on it.

What's this? Police found Lookadoo sitting in his car by the side of the road covered in puke and smelling like a brewery?
He told them he pulled over for a nap, I guess all that drinking tired the little man out. Justin, do you consider yerself a dateable guy?
The Federal government pays for him to speak to school kids, he covers issues such as keeping schools safe and drug free, abstinence education, pregnancy prevention, tobacco prevention. He was also once part of a group that cured gheys of their gheyness. Like Dr Hoose, "It's nat lupus, he's queer as a 2 dollar bill."

I'm sure that look he had going on prevented many a pregnancy and helped him with abstinence .... well not with the drunk driving obviously.

Those rapey eyes are checking out yer young firm happiness and yer tight underage dateability. His wisdom is wasted on the young people who dismiss his federally sanctioned misogynistic rape talks as he has been trolled mercilessly and is now known as Lookadouche.  Children can be so cruel eh Justin? aye, sexy and cruel ..... I'd date the fuck out of her. 

They persecuted Jesus when he loved everyone whether they liked it or not, they persecuted Ken Ham when he said that of course there were kangeroos on the ark, just because you haven't found any evidence to back up what I claim doesn't make it false ..... well they should have persecuted that cunt, what's wrong? get stuck in there.

And on the third or was it the fourth day? God dith cross a sheep and a kangeroo and what he got'tith was named by Adam as a knitted leaper, thank fuck scientists renamed it a wooly jumper. Tastes like chicken and is a little stringy.

Hold on a minute, Ham, who is the best smelling creationist ever says that there were kangaroos on the ark. How the fuck did they get the 7,000 miles to Australia? Within the 6,000 years that the earth has existed there has not been any land bridges, maybe they hopped over land then fell into the sea and floated there on a log.
Then why isn't there kangaroos in the Middle east and Asia .... too many questions um God did it! Well that's a little implausible. Maybe God got an Emu to swoop doon and grabbed a pregnant roo and flew it to Australia, then one of the lions from the Ark ate the only male.  Now that sounds far more likely.

Oh and God shrunk the Emus wings after the flight because he's a cunt and does shit like that. No mentally stable god floods the entire world to kill a science experiment that has gotten out of hand, rapes young gurls and sits back and watches his son being brutally tortured and then makes Justin Bieber famous.

What if God was Joffrey ? a sick fuck like Joffrey, who kills strangers on the bus trying to make their way home.

Before God stopped talking to humans and stopped doing miracles (when camera phones were invented) he did get on like a bit of a Joffrey. You die and get to Heaven, the Hound is on the gate telling you that there is no where fucking safe now get in and you find that God is King Joffrey.

"Look on the bright side" says St Michael, otherwise known as the hand "he's getting married tomorrow and yer invited" ....... Aye who doesn't like a wedding? Don't wear white wear red, it'll not show any stains as much.


Sunday, 29 June 2014

Sexy Sunday Steampunk

 Put some gears on it and call it steampunk! There are not enough sexy steampunk gurls out there. I want top hats, corsets and weird devices with clock gears on them stat!
Not steampunk but for some reason she caught my eye.

Dat ass dude,Kim Kardashian has a huge arse but this one is far better.

I wonder if she is a natural lilac.
Miss Clankington or Sarah Hunter here never gets her blurt out on Facebook, I've seen another side of her now.

Another side and her tits.
It's cruel to keep em covered.
Speaking of cruel, Sally's first date was not going how she had pictured.

Will he respect me in the morning?
Caption time!

"I don't want no KFC, they changed the fucking chips and now they're mingin."

" I haven't washed my cunt in 3 weeks so you'll have to break through a layer of smegma, like a virgin or what?"

"Funny you should say that, people ask me all the time if I'm a model."

Friday, 27 June 2014

Nose No Bounds

I don't like people who make fun of other people based on their appearance, the way they speak, their gender, sexual orientation or where they are from, I also don't like the Spanish and have very little love for Italians and people with a Boston accent.  I'm sure Ben Affleck will make a great Batman, "to the Bat cah!"

So when I heard this story I cried.  Ping Ling had a motorcycle accident that took off his nose. He lived nose-less for years as his prosthetic nose kept falling into his noodles. He'd meet girls on the Internet looking for love but who could love a nose-less person? He'd just come out and tell them, "before I waste any more of yer time I just want to tell you that I have no nose" the usual response was "How do you smell?"

Yeah, real funny after the 50th time. Ping Ling would like nothing better than to tell them how he smelled but he hasn't a nose.
So he saved all his money prepared to have his nose rebuilt. His plastic surgeon who loved the no nose joke decided to grow a new nose on Ling's forehead for extra comedy value, Ling didn't care as he had years of being the punchline, everyone picked on him.

Speaking of picking, to stop Ling from picking his nose and so that boogers wouldn't drip into his eyes the nose was turned upside down. It was a great place to store pens in and Ling would do whale impressions for his nephews and nieces.

In 2012 during the really heavy down pours that flooded vast parts of south east Asia, Ling was walking home from his work at the sunglasses factory when he was caught out in a heavy rain and drown because of his new nose.

His need to be accepted killed him. His family who had enjoyed many years of nose taunts erected his grave marker, "It's what he would have wanted" sniggered his brother Wang. The moral of this story is. You can pick yer nose, but you can't pick yer family.

Thursday, 26 June 2014

Old Knudsen Reviews The Day

The Day is a movie I missed made in 2011. It stars the hobbit from Lost Dominic Monaghan, and Iceman from the X-men Shawn Ashmore , not an inspiring cast you may think and the budget wasn't huge but it does the trick.
Five survivors in a post apocalyptic world. They don't say what really happened but imply that it was pretty gruesome. The whole movie is almost black and white or maybe the director didn't realise his colour saturation was on full and said, "fuck it, left it and we'll see if anyone notices." Cheaper to do CGI anyways.

 It's tense and has jump out moments and you go through a kind of love/hate thing with the main characters .... mostly hate. Shannyn Sossamon plays the ridiculously photogenic survivor Shannon who is fucking useless and I wondered all through the film where I had seen her before, some drunken one night stand?... she'd be lucky, no she was the love interest in A Knight's tale .... Angel ::clap clap::: .... Golden years. 

The surprise star was the less attractive than Shannon but the person you'd want to back you up in a bar  fight Mary from the diary with pubes like steel wool, Ashley Bell. and then there was a token black guy.

There were shootings, brutal hand to hand, torture, cannibalism and family values. Can you sit through it you pussy cos it keeps changing on you and has different levels at play?   

It got Old Knudsen's blackened dried up heart a pounding and jump started his PTSD, I slept that night sitting with me back to the wall facing the door with combat knife in me hand. Well I tried to sleep but the manager of the KFC called the police ... ya wee cunt ya.

It's not as depressing as The Road, after that one I was ready to kill meself and join Charlize Theron in Heaven. 
As usual with post apocalyptic films it is the other people who are the most scary and are the biggest threat to survival. Why would you want to survive? Well Old Knudsen would continue on out of spite but would always save his last bullet just in case. 

If you can get past the hobbit's American accent and the fact it's a Canadian movie full of guns then the rest is a piece of pish. 


Wednesday, 25 June 2014

You Are All Ready Brain Dead

I am sick of people with their troll science facts yammering on about things that "might" be harmful to their health, "Oh I'd never drink coke, that stuff will rot your insides, you can clean rusty nails with that and it costs us millions in healthcare costs because those who drink coke are fat and who likes fat people?  .... well I only really drink it with my vodka when I'm binge drinking every weekend."

First of all .... FUCK UP CUNT BREATH! there, that had to be said, ya know what Old Knudsen doesn't have in his stomach? rust, that's what and it's thanks to coke. Is this just another excuse to get at fat fuckers? we'll make excuses for drunks, junkies and men in general but fat people .... greedy weak willed wankers eating all the pies and getting power scooters and all the cool drugs like insulin.

You can disguise yer bigotry if you want, I'm sure it doesn't show. They can diet but you'll always be a cunt. Besides fat people, er Obese, Obtuse, Obeast, that's it, obeastity creates jobs in healthcare and in the food industry and fat people are jolly because of their deep rooted fear of rejected and the need to be liked.
Coca cola makes you fat and rots yer teeth, ya know what else does that? food and not brushing yer teeth, people are so judgmental especially those smug cunts with their expensive Apple products, and anyone with a kindle, aye you know it.

Judgmental people ended the brilliant career of bike rider Lance Armstrong. Not only did he land on the moon but he did so with only one testicle, he also won 18 Tour De France races while drunk and high as a kite and still with one nut .... I'd like to see you try that. Old Knudsen can barely ride a bike sober never mind wasted so give it up for Lance. He says that drugs made him a better cyclist, I can understand that as drinking makes me irresistible to weemen and I'm really funny when drunk too... except when someone mentions the war.  We lost some good men, and a few ok ones, I don't wanna talk about it. 

Lets us now explore the brain a little bit more. Ancient man used to think that cauliflowers were brains grown from the mother earth which explains why early brain transplants dating back to 40,000 BC were failures.
Today our brains are under constant attack, from radio waves, microwaves, ocean waves and of course stupid people on the Internet, we don't even realise that we've been attacked as it's on a cellular level but sure enough it's altering yer way of thinking.

Coke = bad, guns = bad, immigrants = bad, double dipping = bad, cheating at sports = bad ... yer brainwashed on a daily basis.

Chocolate, coffee and orgasms give you cancer, I SAID THEY GIVE YOU CANCER, take yer fucking fingers out of yer ears I get it, you'll take the risk .

The first mobile phones invented were called "cell" phones, short for cellular as they were developed for the US military as weapons to destroy the enemies brains on a cellular level. Realising that you could make phone calls on these weapons changed it's path however this new generation of youngsters who have been raised with a cell phone experience neuronic degradation because like it or not the signal or "beams" as we in the science community call them are still slightly weaponised in order for them to work.     

Like electricity through water the beams naturally want to pass through the big wet masses we call brains.
As well as the harmful effects of destroying our neural pathways the beams also have an addictive quality hence everyone reaching for their phones every other minute, fat people with phones are the worse, am I right?

Before phones there was masturbation, you should have listened to the warnings about it effecting yer eyesight, now you have to wear glasses to play yer Angry birds.

This was the brain of a cell phone user, he'd have the alert sound turned on for when he got texts but he'd still check his phone without hearing them. He's dead now, it might have been the removal of his brain that killed him though some think it was the cell phone signals rotting his noggin.

On the spot brain health check, if you can't find the 5 obvious differences then check at the bottom of this post for what you should be asking yer Doctor to investigate.

Men and weemen have very different brains, the male brain is bigger and packed with knowledge and hard, solid facts while the smaller more effeminate brain helps weemen deal with living as a sort of expendable sidekick you have sex with depending on headaches and those problems we didn't talk about  .... yuck!
If people knew about the various attacks coming from computers, phones and televisions they would probably break out the tinfoil however with even a just little usage and a bare minimum of exposure to these death rays the addictive qualities and with a degrading brain mass you become yer own worse enemy and focus on things out of yer control like climate change or on troll science like coca cola being used to strip paint and look at this burger, I've had it since 2007 and it stills looks the same ... well except it's dry and shriveled up and changed colour but apart from that it looks exactly the same, no mold .... yeah sure I kept it in a dry hot place and it mummified but still, the evil that is a burger.

The environment needed for mold to grow is the same as in yer Ma's gunties. 

How can I respect my readers when they do not respect themselves? 

Now don't blame me that by reading this post you've become even more dumberer, you were that way to start with. The moral of this post is to stop being a dick just because 50 other people shared these important facts on how burgers, cola and beer are going to kill you doesn't mean that you shouldn't indulge the fuck out of them.
Be like Lance, was he high when he set nut on the moon? he had to have been. The chances are that you do several other things that are killing you just as slowly, what are you going to do, eat healthily? Don't be stupid, you can't eat the vegetables cos Monstanto grows them and genetically alters them with pig sperm so burger it up.

Back in the day Jesus only had 12 followers on Twitter but they got people to re-twit and now millions of twits follow him. He was a sad fucker, he used to play online games so every time he got a request his sound would go and he'd pretend it was an important text and that he really did have friends and things to say, uh blessed are the bakers for they give me free bread which is cool, eat it like it was my flesh, go on man say braaaiiinnnsss!

Life is short so if yer gonna be a confused lump of "who are you, where am I?" drink coke cos it tastes better than water which has more chemicals in it cos you voted in politicians who believe in fracking, do drugs cos they blot out yer miserable existence for a few hours. Life is sweet cos it's packed with artificial preservatives and sweetners, life is also what is killing you.


Tuesday, 24 June 2014

Diplomatic Incident Because There's Nothing Else To Do

 Ach well at least it's dry.

HBO's president of programming Michael Lombardo thought he was being tactful and diplomatic when he told the truth about Belfast to U.S. magazine Vulture, little did he know that we take being backwards and provincial seriously. 

He said that producers Dan B Weiss and David Benioff were struggling to adapt to life in Belfast as Northern Ireland is where some of Game of Thrones is shot and produced.

He said, "It's a little bit of a personal challenge I don't think they contemplated when we initially found our location in Belfast, what that meant for them personally... Belfast is not the most cosmopolitan of cities to spend half of the year."

Can you imagine coming from L.A. to Belfast? Picture it like what Columbus found when he landed on the island of  San Salvador in the Bahamas, he mentioned that their lack of modern weaponry and metal-forged swords was a tactical vulnerability,  "I could conquer the whole of them with 50 men, and govern them as I pleased."

More or less what Lombardo said. 

The *number one newspaper in Northern Ireland* the Belfast Telegraph, took the insult poorly and listed all the great attractions like a BMX park, Cavehill (a hill with small caves) free WiFi and places that serve lunch .... wow, things you'd never get in L. A. fuck you, now who is looking sheepish  ....

No, that's Ballymena that has the sheep, he looked foolish cos we showed him how cosmopolitanism an shit we really are.
I think you 'll find that free WiFi is written in the Constitution and many Americans see that, as well as a stream of ventures to entertain you as being a right.   

I can imagine Dan B Weiss and David Benioff going to their hotel room, switching on the TV then saying "what is that shite?" turning it off and then looking online to see what is going on in Belfast ... not much.

Some open house festival, it may not be the Foo Fighters but it has cosmopolitan-ism dripping from it, you certainly wouldn't get that in L.A.

On the tourism website you have, Cavehill, St George's market, the Titanic centre, some cathedral and of course the Harland and Wolf shipyard .... the place the producers see everyday because it's beside the studio.

After dark when everything closes you can go to a pub (a historical pub) or the theatre, I'm sure  professional TV producers really want to go watch something similar to amateur dramatics.

Considering that they probably don't understand half the things the locals say I don't think that this or a comedy night at a pub is a great idea.
There is so little to do at night that many locals have to make their own entertainment, I'm sure they would let visitors from other cuntries take part. In fact just recently the kind people of Belfast allowed a Paki bastard to take part in a racist attack. He was actually Turkish but we don't discriminate here, we also let another Paki bastard (he was Asian) take part in the random punch in the face festival that is always going on over here.    

I can't imagine why Americans would feel at a loss for things to do. A word of advice, go to Catholic areas if you don't want to join in with our hate crime festivals, the Protestants tend to accuse Americans of funding the IRA even though most Americans only know the IRA as an Individual Retirement Account, sure we fund the IRA, we want a bright future. 

The Daily Mail also got in on promoting Belfast, they mention the Titanic centre as a must see place to visit, they obviously haven't been there, you get gouged to pay for a noisy, hot, dark hour long display on rivets .... yawn, my feet hurt. The SS Nomadic anchored across from it is far more interesting but you have to be into history of course.

Then there is the Ulster Museum, the only thing that will amaze an American about that is that it's free. They have museums in America which are usually twice the size. The Giant's Causeway .... not in Belfast you idiot Daily Mail Sassenachs, it's like an hour or more on a bus with very little amenities when you get there. Then don't forget the Botanic Gardens... 

 A hundred year-old greenhouse on 2 acres of grass and trees.

All Lombardo had was the gardens at the Natural history museum with it's water feature, areas that teach you about the different plants like the edible garden and the pollinator garden ... oh and they have toilets including disabled toilets which is a sign of civilisation, just try finding a toilet in Belfast.

I'm not even going to mention the La Brea tar pits in L.A. with it's wall full of hundreds of Dire wolf skulls as I'm sure Belfast has something similiar if not better.

Like this .... leaving potholes to wreck yer car or to trap a passing mammoth is something that thousands of visitors come to see and experience every year.  We have a sea aquarium that we had to fight for it to stay open, it's not the aquarium of the Pacific or anything, if you want our version of that then just go to yer local Pet smart and stare at the guppies.

A Belfast Telegraph columnist got in on the being defensive about Belfast gig, she mentioned Liam Neeson, Sir Kenneth Branagh, Stephen Rea, Ciaran Hinds, Jamie Dornan, Warren Christie, Paula Malcolmson and Stephen Boyd ... aye, I don't know who some of those people are either but I do know that not all of them come from Belfast. 

Van Morrison and Jimmy Kennedy, who wrote the Teddy Bears Picnic tune .... ach a load of other people no one knows but who may have passed through Belfast at some time and thus the silly bint who wrote this article Gail Walker has laid a claim to.   Inventors like Harry Ferguson and his tractors and  John Boyd Dunlop the inventor of the pneumatic tyre. Impressed yet?

She even mentioned the inventor of Milk of Magnesia, which she thinks that Hollywood execs down by the bucket-load .... aye, in the 1930's maybe, that shit barely works and tastes vile, it was banned by the EU for having too much sulphate, try to keep up.

If Joffrey had read Walker's article he would have had her sent to the dungeons for the boring quim she is.

The Irish are great writers but not readers, she cited writers such as Brian Moore, C S Lewis, Seamus Heaney and Louis McNeice. 

All these great people, as soon as they could they left Northern Ireland. Liam Neeson gives his voice for the tourist board but he wouldn't live here, Louis McNeice is (locally) famous for his Carrickfergus poem but he got the fuck out and made England his home where he died, C S Lewis died in England too, Seamus Heaney died in Dublin which is far more cosmopolitan than Belfast, Brian Moore who wrote nothing that I have heard of died in his Malibu home ..... that's so Belfast like.

Walker, who gets paid to write this shite says, "there is a strange paradox at the heart of Belfast; though proudly provincial, we keep on shaping the wider world."

Proudly provincial? I myself am ashamed every time I read the news and hear what our leaders and people say, "I wouldn't trust a Muslim on spiritual matters but I'd let them go to the shops for me" says the proud First minister of our wee backwards province.

As for shaping the world, you do know that the world thinks we are Irish and barely hears from us except for the odd blurb about rioting. The only way we shape the world is because HBO executives didn't know anything about Northern Ireland and filmed some of their series here. The cash incentives lured them in but can we keep them here? 

Peter Robinson was shamed into privately and publicly apologising for his Muslim comment, especially when he found out that many of Northern Ireland's Muslims (who are not really Pakis) were professional people like surgeons who repair the hearts of many after a lifetime of bacon abuse.

Lombardo felt the need to apologise for his comments but why should he? His friends are bored shitless and are sick of eating crappy food, maybe certain people and newspapers should stop being so touchy and trying (and failing) to argue how worldly wise Northern Ireland is, even though if they were worldly wise they would know just how small, backwards and unimportant we really are in the world view.

Small steps, first we make the streets safe, especially for visitors and people who are not white and chinless, then we look at the culture of intimidation we have going on. We may make excuses for it like a woman in an abusive relationship would but we deserve better.
Parades are something you take children to for a good fun time, not something full of angry looking hard men with pot bellies and tattoos.

Terrorist/paramilitary/criminals should not be allowed to paint their gang colours on walls or display flags that mean the same thing.

Respect should be shown at the top levels of our society in order for it to trickle down to the people. I've never known such rude and pushy people in my life who jump queues and cough in yer face than those of Northern Ireland.    

The place needs less churches and pubs, there are hardly any nice places for nice people to go to and how about letting shops open for their full hours on Sundays instead of the limited Sharia law opening times we have now.

We'll never have nice things and be spoken well of if we're cunts with nothing to offer. Winter is coming.

*competitors can be counted on yer hand*

Monday, 23 June 2014

Intellectual Conspiracy Uncovered

For years now we have had to hear about how intelligent Stephen Hawking is or his cronies Neil deGrasse Tyson, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Brian Cox, Walter Bishop, Michio Kaku, Rodney McKay or Robert fucking Winston are. Oh they are sooo clever the way they can talk to us stupid people as if we are on their ever so high level.
Have you ever met a college graduate who calls themselves a PhD, Doctor or Professor who isn't full of themselves and who doesn't look doon on mere mortals who were too busy getting laid to waste time with education? ... you have? ok then have you ever met five? ... got ya. 

Then you have the pretend intelligent ones like Stephen Fry who may have portrayed Oscar Wilde but he is no Oscar Wilde. He's intelligent like Jay Leno is funny .... with the help of writers. 

'In World war II America had segregation in it's armed forces unlike we British'  ... says a smug anti-American Fry on his TV show IQ.  Aye we didn't have segregation, we also didn't have enough black people in Britain for it to be a factor, our blacks and browns were in the parts of our Empire flung out all over the globe, yep fully integrated African, Indian and Nepalese regiments which all of course had white officers .... cos you couldn't trust a wog/fuzzy to do that work. Whip the blighters into shape if they don't work hard enough. 
If you didn't have any Irish to use as cannon fodder you'd use them before you sent in the nice white British troops .... aye we were sooo enlightened compared to the Yanks, still are. 

You may fool everyone else Fry but Old Knudsen eats truth for breakfast and yes, it does taste like chicken.

 An excited school leaver trying to choose from all the possible careers she could apply for .... KFC or BK? such a decision to make. What are yer tits like? I'm sure you could go on the game.

In the UK we don't really do education, that's for middle class cunts with ambition. Unlike the US we don't graduate from school, there is nothing to celebrate except the 'getting out' of school. While Americans have High school graduates which sounds like an achievement we have school leavers...

On the last day of school you go up to the school administrator and they hand you a brown paper package tied up with string. Inside are all yer hopes, dreams, ambitions and creativity you began with in life but now they are all dried up and smashed to pieces .... enjoy being an adult. 
                                                         At their club talking smart shit.

I have found that all of those uber intelligent people on the telly telling you how great the cosmos is actually spend 80% of their time online trolling. They all attend a secret Hellfire skull and boner gentleman's club ..... cos weemen aren't intelligent enough to be genius' ..... was Einstein a lady? nope, case closed.
Yahoo answers is full of fake profiles with questions and answers, all made up by these scientists. 

The question of what to do from the high school gurl who got her first kiss from a guy at school that she had a crush on, only to fart onto his hand when he grabbed her ass, classic Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Did NASA create thunderstorms to mask the sound of space battles? ..... That's a Hawking, he loves that space shit.
Don't get him started on blackholes or other shit that won't get proven anytime soon, well played sir. 

What percentage of water is celery?  Celery has no nutrition and is mostly all water so what percentage of water is it?  

What techno song is this? I don't know what it's called but it's stuck in my head. Dun Dun Dun Dun, Dun Dun Dun Dun, errrr, Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun etc etc. 

The best answer to that was, some were dropped as babies, you were thrown at a wall. 

Aye scientists can be quite bitchy at times.  

Write this to get at Stephen Fry, 'Do gay people have feelings?' 

Evolution question: How did Sloth's survive for so long?   Answer: They worship Satan, clearly.

No one could be that stupid. These scientists are putting up these questions and answers to 1) feed you false facts ..... we all know Sloths went extinct thousands of years ago and are all now CGI as played by Andy Serkis. 2) they are trying to make themselves appear more intelligent by making everyone else look dumb. 

I suspect I have several of these brainiacs on my Facebook friends list passing themselves off as normal-ish people, maybe cos Old Knudsen is the most likely candidate to be onto them. It must have been yon Mensa test I did that alerted them, my score came back as 'we can't give you a score if you don't take the questions seriously'  which really means, we are threatened by yer dangerous intellect and will be watching you from now on. 
I wondered who owned yon dark blue Volkswagon Passat that had been parking a few doors doon, I had assumed it was a client round for an afternoon delight with Mavis but I bet it was a science guy.

Some normal people (IQ of mid to high 20's) do write on Yahoo answers if they can't be bothered Googling and reading what comes up and using critical thinking to find the possibly answers. (life is too short for finding knowledge) One asked if some bats make a noise that humans can hear.  

Those master race smart arses had a field day with answers like cricket bat and baseball bat.  How are lazy people ever going to get proper answers with Bill Nye the trolling guy online? 

Nye-  Hey Tyson, tell me if this is racist, "Are Japanese people born knowing Kung-fu?" .... "I only want to know if it's safe to rob my Japanese neighbor."  

Tyson- Fuck yeah it's racist you cracker motherfucker  ......  Nye- good, I'll use it then. 

Tyson- Hey look what roller boy put up,  "Do you eat food? Or gravity?"

Nye- Hawking gives me the creeps and you can never tell by his voice if he's serious or not.  

Is there a good way to prevent my GF from getting pregnant?  My friend told me you can put a straw up her vagina and suck her eggs out, is that true???  

I'm still awaiting an answer on this, c'mon it's time sensitive for fucks sake.