Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Real Men Wax Their Arses

 Does this make me look ghey?

Matt Dunford is too sexy for his shirt. The 29 year-old stripper and fitness model from London looks after his appearance so much he reckons he has spent £100,000 on looking this good. "I know I make money and get business based on my looks, but I’d be mad not to take advantage of being so attractive."

He has been compared to such hunks as Brad Pitt and Chris Hemsworth .... his Ma needs new glasses I think.
He has never been turned doon by a woman, well that's just doon to luck. Old Knudsen gets turned doon all the time but that's only because he mistakes leezers for straight weemen.  That has to be it.

And then his older brother who was married to Lorenzo's evil twin turned out to be in love with Tonya who had just underwent a face transplant because of the lap dog attack.

Like all real men he gets his eyebrows shaped, his eye lashes tinted, manicures, pedicures, waxings,  facials, sun beds and spray tans.
That reminds me I need to get my nose hair highlighted..... Wot no anal bleaching? John Wayne used to get his ol rusty bullet hole lightened now and again so what's Dunford's problem .... besides that name of course.

I bet you were just thinking about me.

Matt is so perfect that even the big zit on his forehead is good looking . He is often accused of chatting up weemen who are spoken for and has experienced the odd assault upon his person because of it. 

"Some people think I'm arrogant and I've had men start fights with me on nights out - but they're just jealous."

Or yer being a cunt and chatting up their bird cos you think yer gog's gift to weemen. 

You can always tell the English from their flaming ensemble of wardrobe malfunctions/brain farts, would an American dress like that? This is why it's so hard to tell if Brits are ghey or not. 

Is that how a man looks like?

I felt sorry for the guys packing into gyms, trying to look like Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger said they should.  Ahh, self-improvement is masturbation. And self-destruction.

This guy is scary, in a self obsessed highly unlikeable way and I'm no saying that out of jealously. I suppose if he makes his living out of his looks then he can be as every bit of a big gurl as a big gurl is. 
He is a total poser and definitely not what a real man looks like. 

A real man does not have better or more hair than his girlfriend. 

A real man looks at a bunged up toilet and knows what to do .... pee in it anyway and pretend you never saw it. 
A real man knows the limitations of duct tape and pushes them anyway. 
When a real man sees a wet paint sign he touches it to make sure.  
Real men eat out of date food so the Africans don't have to worry about waste.
Real men can iron, cook and sew, he doesn't have to be able to do them well. 
Real men keep facial expressions doon to a minimum, one look can do all. 
A real man has a box of stuff from which he can repair anything in the world, even a broken heart. 
A real man pees and brushes his teeth at the same time, ach the sink was dirty anyways. 
A real man can fart the alphabet and do a 21 gun salute. 
Real men quote movies, if Nietzsche was in a movie he'd get quoted, until then he can fuck off.  
A real man tackles his inner demons and makes they say uncle.
A real man doesn't bleed or cry in front of the natives. 

Yes, real men can cry for instance at the end of a war movie. 

A real man is only concerned with his appearance when he thinks he looks like a bad ass movie hero or when a hot chick walks by. 

No comments: