Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Looking Good For The Nieghbours

No postcode envy. 

Due to the recession and the inability of people in town councils to accept the change that the 21st century brings, town centres are becoming boarded up, empty eyesores. You'd think that to encourage retail to the area the councils would think of things like lowering the excessive rent and rates they charge and maybe provide free nearby parking but no, you don't get a council job by qualifications and experience, people vote instead ..... weird, and they expect things to go well?    

Fake shop front in England.

What can we do? Councils think that putting stickers or painted panels over the rotting boards and peeling paint it will cheer things up. The old bat in the picture doesn't look very cheerful. 

When the world leaders of the G-8 came to Northern Ireland the councils didn't want their towns to look like run doon shit holes because people would actually be going there for once. Quick, put up stickers so Obama won't notice as he speeds through in his armoured car named 'The beast.'  Um Obama has a helicopter thanks to little things like terrorism, he only glimpsed the new road that was hastily built over the ancient Crannog site. Fuck archeology, dig it and get out Obama is coming.... you've made amazing discoveries? what don't you understand about getting out?   

The town centre is dead, let it go. People want choice, better prices and not having to go to 3 different shops in the rain to get what they want. The Interweb means you can shop and price match from home. The large chain stores maybe ugly and soulless (like yon ginger child) but they have all yer needs under one roof. 
Supporting local businesses? if those businesses try to gouge me on price and carry fuck all then no. Find someone else to put yer kid through college. In the US the tax from sales actually goes to the areas, our tax goes to David Cameron's fat Christian baby man head.  

What to do with the empty shops? Many were homes originally, instead of spending £200.000 on stickers, spend a third of that making them homes again, there is a housing shortage ya know.   

So sorry about yer childhood memories of running to Bobby Spooner's shop for a penny mix of candy but no one cares nor do they want yer smartphone-less childhood replicated for them. 

£8 million has been spent on these fake shop fronts, the world is turning into an open world video game in which you can't enter most of the buildings. 

 Local artists are far less expensive, here is our version of Banksy. 

Now councils fear the intrusion of more outsiders, we can't just burn them like in the old days (1970's) and we can't threaten them (last week) so it looks like another million or 8 will be spent covering up our shame, incompetence and apathy. 

The bicycle race  Giro D'Italia will be held here this year so derelict buildings along the route will be hidden with these ultra realistic covers. 
The race is such a big deal that a British racer who won 5 stages of the race last year won't be taking part as he wants to get ready for the Tour de France instead.

It's understandable, if you had to chose to pedal yer bike in Belfast or in places like Turkey, Callyfornia and Switzerland instead, what would you pick? 

So Northern Ireland rushes to cover it's rotting underbelly with sticking plasters in case the world sees. Would it not be better to knock that shite doon, we need parking space, not drinking dens.


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