Monday, 21 April 2014

Lions Eat English Family At Safari Park

At Longleat Safari Park in England, a mother and her two children were driving through the lion's enclosure when their car when on fire. As the three ran towards the rangers who were 100 yards away the pride of lions chased and ripped all three of them apart.

Well the bit about them being ripped apart may be a little bit of an exaggeration, it was close, the lions looked in their direction from a distance and yawned.

The Rangers told them to stay in the burning car until they got to them, away an fuck Old Knudsen would say, do I look like Paul Walker?

  Is that cunt mocking me?  ..... Paul Walker (changed his name from Driver) was hot!   

Then Old Knudsen would grab the little penknife attached to his keys and go hunt him some lion.

The mother, Helen Clements later joked that of all the places it had to happen, it happened in the lion enclosure. 
In the big world it's called Murphy's law, in the UK it sometimes goes by the name Sod's law cos we don't want to offend the Irish you see. 
The English love the Irish, in WWI they gave the Irish regiments the honour of going first, probably to give them the best chance of becoming heroes and cos the Irish are always drunk you don't want to be tripping over the bodies of the previous lot....  404 Royal Irish Cannon fodder regiment, lest we forget.    

If anything can go wrong then it will. 

Sod's law happens all the time, it's fate's way of mocking you. The God's get bored like anyone else. If you dream about the lovely steak at a restaurant and then you go to find out their delivery didn't have steak on it so you have to eat something you weren't in the mood for cos the place is out of the way ...  YOU HAD ONE FUCKING JOB! 

If you work in a shop, as soon as you try to clean the floor people will come in. 

If yer waiting on a bus that's late and you light a cigarette the bus will cum.  

If yer cock falls out of yer troosers it's bound to happen when you pass a school at getting out time, well that's what I told the judge and I still stand by it. 

That time when yer parts are manky cos you've been molesting sheep all week, some hot chick will want to blow you.... Fuck my life! 

It then goes into the world of science. A cat will 99.9 times land on it's feet if you kick it across the room or drop it from a great height. You can try this for yerself though the great height one may kill them, look first where it's feet are before you shovel it up. 

A piece of buttered toast if fallen will not land on the cat's feet but will more likely land on the buttered side. If you own pets it will also land on a clump of animal hair. 

So if you attach a piece of buttered toast to yer cat and drop it from a great height the chances are that you may have too much time on yer hands and are not responsible enough to own pets. Please do not breed. 

As if Old Knudsen doesn't get enough thrown at him from upstairs windows but who doesn't like getting pussy thrown at them? ....  well gheys maybe but they are just so ghey.

 Real men and obvious pussy lovers.

We are not meant to understand why shit happens ..... it's magic. Like the expression "Speak of the Devil, and he will appear." is based on the magical ability to summon spirits. You have to know the true name which is why the Devil (what devil, dirt devil?) has so many nick-names .... like um, Old Nick. 
Nothing to do with Old Nick or Mr Scratch but still, it's a good story if you fall for it. 

Native weemen of Africa and southern Ireland will call to their children to cum in for dinner or something by using nicknames in case any spirits hear their real name. 

Aye it's Sod's law that if you say, "I haven't seen Cuntface recently" that Cuntface will turn up the next day ..... and that shit is magical.  

And no Alanis Morissette it isn't ironic, yer face is ironic!  

"Magic's just science that we don't understand yet." ~ Arthur C Clarke

"Magic's just science that we don't understand yet and never will if we get eaten by lions" ~ Old Knudsen. 

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