Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Historical Figure Deathmatch

My cloning factory is operating at full productivity, churning out clones of famous dead people at a steady rate. All I need is some DNA and BOOM! a clone is born. Well not boom but still.

We then put them in the growing vat to mature and once at the right age we take them out and train them. Not to rule cuntries or win wars but to fight in a ring.

Yeah yeah yeah moral issue so ghey, just think how we could advance medicine rather than making clones, so ghey.

Firstly the media get all 'yer playing god shame on you' and then it's not exactly legal. I make them in my secret factory in Aberdeen because we also add Scottish DNA too in order to heighten aggression. Old Knudsen sees the bigger picture, imagine what an army of Audy Murphy could be capable of. I really need to get his DNA.  

Eisenhower's catchphrase, "you can start the fight but I'll finish it .... and then I'll rebuild yer infrastructure" not really very catchy. 

Old Knudsen needs money as the cost of food and legal representation has gone through the roof. I can't even afford a crack, I'm doon at Boots buying Radox bath salts instead .

So I'm using these clones to cage fight in order to get into the reality TV market. Who wouldn't want to see Hitler take on Gandhi?

So far it's an all male show, I've put Thatcher in as she was sort of a man right? She really wants to get stuck into JFK and the Popes I've built, she really doesn't like yon Fenians very much. 

I made JFK as a smoothie as I didn't want any distractions. His Da 'Yellow' Joe Kennedy lobotomized his own daughter to cure her mental health issues and when that didn't work he locked her away all her life, looks like he got young Jack Kennedy a head reduction. I mean he had a massive square Irish potato noggin but when I started to clone him it just kept growing, now a lone gunman could hit his head blind folded.
It is thought that the Kennedy clan were the first in Ireland to use helmets during their fights against Viking invaders, some size of helmet must have been used.   

Everyone's favourite Pope, John Paul II. Proof you can support pedophilia and belittle the victims for decades but if you have a smile that can talk yer granny out of her knickers then you'll get away with it and be loved. JP the teflon Pope, no punches stick to him.

I wanted to do a hero of Northern Ireland so I dug up King William of Orange. I had hoped that historical knowledge was wrong but no, King Billy did indeed suffer from Short arse syndrome. I can just imagine when his horse stood in yon mole hole (the mole said OUCH!) and flattened him, he must have popped like a zit.

Well we can either recycle him or use him as a punch bag. Since I know what a Dutch, money digging, marry an English queen to get ahead cunt he was I think he'll make a fine punchbag.  

I have high hopes that this idea will be accepted as a show, stay posted. 

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