Saturday, 12 April 2014

A Close Shave Zombie Attack

I'm dead, I'm supposed to smell, what's your excuse egg and onion boy ?

I like zombies and I can't deny. Something about being allowed to kill people without fear of prison and hey, they aren't really people, just like those half naked hoors on the Interwebs who aren't really people either. 

"You don't know my name, nor do you care. Fill your trashcan with Kleenex in my honour."

Ya don't have to tell Old Knudsen twice.  So a couple of things I've noticed about the living deed, you don't get zombies with beards. Maybe the odd closely trimmed goatee but not a real manly beard. 

Of course there is always some fucker like Hershel here to be an exception to the rule.  Hershel (from the walking dead) was killed by a human so that doesn't count. Does beards make you invulnerable to zombie attacks then? 
A 2010 report said that men with beards were more honest than those without, maybe zombies can't handle the truth.

Then again maybe zombies see beardies as really tasty food and that is why you don't see any. 

You have movie titles like Night of the living dead and Day of the dead and while Dawn of the dead has the word dawn in it that means beginning rather than in the morning. I can't imagine that zombies are really good morning people considering the amount of anger and resentment they carry around.  I bet that zombies lie in until noon like civilised people do. 

"You aren't going to make it through the night Mrs Wilson so you lie in and get some rest before you try to eat people.....  Is my husband here? ..... Fucks sake you stupid bint, your husband died 30 years ago, that's all we need zombies with Alzheimers ..... Are you my daughter? ..... in yer dreams."  

The Morning of the dead,  "Lets hide in the rest home, those zombies are less aggressive as they don't know what time of the day it is and forget to put their dentures or just forget to attack you ..... nice beard by the way. "

Just as long as you don't have any children in yer group as bored old people are attracted to children in the same way that sharks go for chum. 

If the zombie apocalypse happens on a Saturday night the UK will only find out on Monday as no one will notice on Saturday as staggering, aggressive people are the norm and with Sunday being the day of rest when God slept off his hangover the news outlets also have hangovers and don't report fresh news. 

Saturday of the living dead ....... 


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