Sunday, 30 March 2014

Sexy Mother Funker

In the UK it's Mother's day, otherwise known as Smothering Sunday as today it is totally legal for mothers to smother their ungrateful, demanding offspring.

Old Knudsen thought you'd appreciate seeing some mothers in all their glory as they raise their unborn children by cutting back to two packs a day and getting lots of frolic acid an shit.

Gurl with the wha? tattoo. 
If you get a tattoo and it's yer only tattoo, make sure it's big and stupid looking and can't be missed if naked. 

Christians do not celebrate today as they should be honouring God rather than their mother .... something about false gods or something.  Well if they do celebrate it they'll go to Hell. Hey I didn't write the rules. 

According to Christianity it's ok to find pregnant weemen attractive because they have a child in their belly, sort of a pedophilia by default. 

This woman isn't pregnant, she just gives off that motherly vibe which many men find very sexy. If it wasn't for stupid laws and selfish fathers, 8 out of 10 men would marry their mums.

All men except those attracted to children and farm animals keep a book called the Taboo book. This contains a list of names of weemen who you'd not have sex with because of who they have shagged such as Sandra Bullock for shagging Jesse James,  Charlize Theron for shagging Sean Penn and Jessica Biel for shagging Justin Timberlake. Other men are Robbie Williams, Gerard Butler , Colin Farrell and John Mayer as they are all walking STD's or just creepy.

Even though Scarlett Johansson shagged Sean Penn it goes without saying that she is too hot to be ruined , such things need not be explained, they just are.   

It is medical fact that if a pregnant woman shags a bloke with a big penis the baby has a 84% chance of having a heart attack thinking it was under attack by a snake. It's a fear imprinted in our primal DNA.   

Weemen who do not look pregnant while being pregnant are usually called not yer partner and should be treated with scorn. 

A future mother figures out a baby sling.

I'll probably not be on Facebook today as all the 'yer Ma is so special' crap will probably be up. What is she the rest of the year?
Whoop de fucking doo I have a mother, she is so special cos she didn't drown me at birth but she is old now and needs to be in a home. 

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