Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Proof That God Exists

And God doth giveth his greatest gift to weemen.

The discovery of tiny particles or gravity waves which are ripples in space time has made a big splash in the scientific community. These waves or quantum fluctuations have never been seen before until some scientists at the south pole were able see them with this really cool telescope BICEP2.

The telescope enables them to measure the polarization of light left over from the early universe. I'm not sure who it is that is making this claim as their names have not been released though others not involved in the study have spoken about it and the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics gets thrown about a lot in order to impress you.

What does this mean? Fuck all that's what.

The big bang.

These eggheads now believe that the Big Bang didn't just happen from out of no where, there was something there first, the universe existed before the bang.

Luckily this also can be interpreted into Genesis .... from the Bible, not Star Trek II which was a fucking kick-ass movie by the way.

Well duh, who the fuck created God? ...... He didn't pop out of his own belly button did he? I wonder how big God was, maybe big enough to poke a hole into a planet and fuck it like a pocket pussy, wow what a creation story you have there.

The gods are a petty lot since this one wanted a pinky promise that you'd never worship none of the other gods before him I suppose he was a little insecure. Maybe his Da or his brother were better, more mentally stable gods.

When CNN which is as dumb as a box of dried, chapped cunts puts the big bang along with what the Bible says then Old Knudsen wonders, just who was it and from what organization did this study? 

Hawking gets all his good shit from Yahoo answers.

Fred Hoyle, who coined the term “Big Bang,” famously stated, “A common sense interpretation of the facts suggests that a super-intellect has monkeyed with physics." He didn't think that it could have occurred by random chance.

Stephen Hawking said, “It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the Universe going.” 

Cage fight!

C'mon Hoyle, knock that smart arse from that smug chair of his.

Old Knudsen doesn't believe in coincidence, though he does believe that 'shit happens.'

Jesus died for yer sins...... which was nice of him.

So, finding these waves just before Easter is an obvious sign that the Bible is true and therefore the God of the Jews, Christians and Muslims totally exists. So enough with the imaginary friend shit or saying that you just believe in a god because yer a pathetic and weak person who can't cum to terms of  this being all there is and so invents some vague afterlife where everything is awesome. 

Obviously Jesus existed right? we've been talking about him for 2000 years so he must exist. Who needs fact when we have rumour and hearsay?  

James Martin who knows 5 things about Jesus. 

I liked the CNN piece, Five things you didn't known about Jesus by the Rev. James Martin. I didn't know that the C in CNN was Christian ... did you? Maybe it's not Cable News Network maybe it's Cunts No Nothing, aye sure I'll work on yon spelling why don't I.

#1 was that Jesus was from a nowhere town, aye a little bit like how Liam Neeson is from Ballymena, people say where?
Isn't it funny how 2000 years later we know everything there is to know about some sand savage from a no horse town and most people know fuck all about their own famlies 200 years ago.

Well I think it's funny, especially since he wasn't a big deal then, I mean that he wasn't the thorn in the side of the Romans like in yon movies. If he was then the Romans would have written about him cos they wrote about everything.

#2 was that he didn't know everything. That's fucking stupid, not even God knows everything because if he did then flooding the world, the plague and the Holocaust, they would just be totally cuntish things to do, now don't go making excuses for him yer just enabling him.

# 3, 4 and 5 were just as stupid, no facts but hey we know so much about him without the facts. No one expects a US President to show his birth certificate so I doubt that anyone would expect an ounce of verification from the Bible ..... ya know, something as important as that.   

If this was a TV show these two would be demons or aliens deceiving humans into thinking they were godly folk.

I like Christianity, it teaches one to be humble, to love and accept everyone as a friend, to lead by example and to not judge. I don't like the bit where you have to molest children, that's not cool.

$600,000 in donations was stolen from Joel Osteen's Megachurch in Houston. Wow, it must be Satan or maybe some black Muslim people on welfare.

That money was probably going to go to the poor in Africa , Haiti or Tahiti.  The church immediatly grabbed it's petty cash box and put out a $25,000 reward for clues.

The Rev James Martin seems like a know it all, ask him.

So yes, God does exist because we can now measure some bits of light. Even if you didn't expect facts before handing over yer time, money and soul there is always that leap of faith .... aye that's what people say when they don't have any evidence of God.

We don't need a condom, just have faith and everything will be all right. You got pregnant and caught my 3 STD's ? well God works in mysterious ways.

It's ok to put faith into people or gods who constantly let you doon or do as they please, just have peace of mind that while you may not have won the lottery during yer life or found happiness or someone was taken away from you either violently or by an illness but you were (for the most) a nice person. I mean you were a back stabbing snooty cunt but hey you didn't kill anyone, there might be a place in Heaven for you .... I said might.  


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