Thursday, 27 March 2014

10 Amazing Facts About Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong un believes that his father Kim Jong il is still around and often asks questions to an empty room hoping for a knock to give him an answer. It is said that Kim jnr is told who to kill and who to bomb by ghostly Kim snr. Every night an extra place is set at the dinner table in case the dear leader visits. 

Kim hates Bono. The U2 singer is taller than Kim, isn't afraid to point and often tells Kim what he should be doing.  U2 have never played a concert in North Korea and never will. Bruce Springsteen who is the same height (in his cowboy boots) as Kim will be playing a concert in Pyongyang later in the year as Kim is a big fan ..... well a below average fan at least.
When he launches missiles he does it while watching porn and then runs into the next room where his wife is waiting to have sex. launching missiles and killing people are the only things that will get him hard.

Kim wants to be a tall black man and spends days in recluse at his Pyongyang palace drinking cognac and playing his favourite video game, Grand Theft Takeaway in which his character is a black man who kills and takes whatever he wants. Like his actual life but black.  To cut time going to the bathroom he wears nothing except an extra large adult diaper.

There was a joke behind his back it that you can smell him before you see him. When Kim found out about this he had doctors remove the noses of his servants and replaced them with fake magnetic noses like what the actor Owen Wilson has .

Kim has a double who sometimes goes out in public instead of him. After rumours went around that the double was doing a little extra acting in the bedroom he disappeared ..... or did he? they all look the same.

According to the Chinese media, Kim was hunting bears in the North Korean mountains when he discovered a cave littered with the ancient bones of unicorns, he returned with several horns and made unicorns from the DNA, he now has the largest unicorn stable on the Asian continent.

Kim can also get erections when he hugs Dennis Rodman .... he just pretends he is hugging his hero Michael Jordan, well 'those people' all look the same to him.

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