Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Your Move

The game of chess is a very exciting one, "Oh c'mon the fuck, you've spent 3 minutes 45 seconds thinking, just make yer fucking move, I'm gagging to sink yer battleship."

It's odd that the king can only go one square at a time and that the queen, bishop, horsey and crow .... er rook er castle are more powerful. Oh and the prawns are not very tasty.

Never play Henry the #8 at chess, hes all like "I'm the king so I can move anywhere ..... right?" sure thing yer majesty highness dude, just don't get yer big chopper out.

A chess game in Dublin ended with an Italian lodger whacking his landlord over the head with a dumbbell, stabbing him and eating his lung ... which he mistook for the heart.

For you non-medical people out there here are what yon lungs look like. It's Ireland so we'll just assume he has smoker's lungs, makin me mouth water.

Here is what a heart looks like, Old Knudsen's heart to be exact. It kept breaking all the time so I had it removed and replaced with a void of loneliness and desolation. When the wind blows a tune of sadness can be heard whistling from my chest. 
 Italian  lodger Saverio Bellante playing Monopoly

No offense to any Italians reading but Eye-ties are base animals that were only given the status of human in 1972 and that is still under some debate. Old Knudsen fought them at Monte Cassino and at Morongo Casino, Resort & Spa.

In battle they were sneaky, devious and difficult to shoot cos they would runaway in a strange serpentine manner. Me and the lads had to dress up as underage gurls to lure them out. We'd only let them get to second base before we pounced, we aren't weirdos ya know. 

The victim Tom O'Gorman was a former journalist with The Voice Today, a Roman Catholic newspaper and more recently worked as a researcher for the Dublin-based Catholic lobby group the Iona Institute which promotes marriage and religion in society and defends denominational schools and freedom of conscience and religion.

Cos thats what the world needs. Hey Pope yer head of an organization that supports pedos, what are you going to do?  "I'll not wear such fancy robes, put the big throne into storage and condemn gheys and atheists but in a polite way .... my conscience is now free, believe in my Gog or burn!"

So he was a crazy fundie hypocrite who probably cheated at chess. Not to speak ill of the dead but since he can't hear me, a single man working for an organization that promotes marriage, thats like a priest telling you how to raise yer children or giving you advice on birth control and sex. 

Why does Gog care if I wank into a sock? get a life ya perv!

Did this happen? 

"In Dublin rules chess we call this move the hail Mary" ..... "Don't you a fucking tako my king or I'll keel you."   

In chess rock may beat paper but a dumbbell is checkmate. 

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