Wednesday, 22 January 2014

The Secret Life Of Steven Moffat

Stephen Moffat the writer and producer of such shows as Dr Who and Sherlock is famous for his Fridge moments , that means you watch a TV show and afterwards when it's over you go to the fridge for another piece of crack or whatever you keep in there and you make an observation about the show that you didn't notice at the time.

I'll just get a pickled eye .... 'Hey why did Buzz Lightyear, who thinks he's a real Space Ranger and not a toy lie still and quiet like the rest of the toys when Andy was about?' 

Fridge moments or plot-holes as you may know them are usually a slap in the face to the viewer cos the writers couldn't think of anything else, 'aye we'll just reverse the polarity with the sonic screwdriver or blow something up totally out of character for the Doctor or something, who cares? it's Friday and I'm outta here early.'

From all the fridge moments and the fast talking, fans are getting a bit fed up with Moffat, it's like hes trying so many different things that he isn't focusing on one. Give the fans what they want and take their money, we'll just skip on quality for a bit.

 Some have cum to the conclusion that Sherlock and Dr Who needs less Moffat.  

In the last episode of Sherlock, Magnussen had his two bodyguards search Sherlock and Watson for weapons when they went to the Baker street flat but when Sherlock and Watson went to the home of Magnussen known as Appledore not only were they not searched but the place lacked any security, completely vulnerable.  
Sherlock producing Watson's gun and shooting Magnussen dead was a real lack of foresight from a genius such as Magnussen ..... Why does Watson have a Sig-sauer handgun anyway? Oh he was a captain in the army when he was an army doctor .... the army doesn't just let you keep shit you know, especially firearms.
After the Hungerford massacre, handguns for the public were made vorboden! Oh and inspector Lestrade wouldn't have one either. Problems when you modernise Victorian stories.

Jesus was walking along the hilly country east of the Jordan, he met two blokes who were possessed by demons. The demons knew Jesus had a big angry father and knew they were in for some trouble. They begged Jesus not to zap their asses to the void but instead to put their souls into a herd of pigs.

Old Knudsen had his fridge moment. Why would there be pig farmers in a land that didn't eat pork?

The 2 demons entered the herd of pigs and then rushed over a cliff and into a river and drowned.... no idea why they did that, as with many stuff in the Bible this was not explained either.    

So Jesus put them into pigs, pigs because according to the Bible they are unclean animals because they have hoofs but don't chew the cud.... Cows would offend the Hindus and sheep, well they are most useful to the Israelites.  

I did some research and it seems that the Philistines who were a seafaring people that migrated there around 3,000 years BC kept and ate pigs. The Israelites were always at odds with the lowland Philistines hence being called a Philistine is now an insult thrown at some uncouth person, just as heck and hell are now used in a derogatory manner but were the names of goddesses Hecate and Hel.

Thats what cunts do, they associate yer name with something bad to demonize you ... they may even turn you into a demon or even leprechauns to be mocked and scorned.   

Christians/the victors love to rewrite history and phase out and replace the old ways.

Believe it or not but pork consumption is a good marker of ethnicity and identity considering the no lovely bacon rule in parts of the Middle east. Archeologists can tell a lot from what bones they find, whether these were Philistine pigs or European pigs that arrived 900BC. 
The Israelites were pastoral nomads with no time for an animal like the pig since they don't walk very far. They don't use them so obviously they wouldn't eat them, thats something those shitty Philistines do right?  Sea folk would have tasty pigs on board boats to eat up waste and top the occasion sandwich.      

Jesus infecting a man's herd of pigs turning his livelihood into demons was a cuntish thing to do, he may have saved the two men who then with no livestock might have starved to death but who cares? they probably weren't Jews so they were sinners anyway.

The rest of the story has Jesus not being thanked but begged to move on. Please, don't help us anymore ya tosser, that kind of help we could do without.  


Which leads me to the theory that Steven Moffat is a Time Lord or some other time traveler who went back in time and wrote the Bible.

How else can you explain all the fridge moments and the contradictions?  He doesn't even look Scottish for fucks sake he looks all pubic headed and timey.



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