Monday, 6 January 2014

60 People Who Will Die In 2014

Deadpool sees all

I've read the tea leaves, consulted the oracle and phoned the people up to ask how they were doing. Now I have come up with a list of folk who will die in 2014. See you in December for a final score. 
If one or two don't die by the 31st December then give me until the 2nd of January to fix it.

1 Ian Paisley
2 Kirk Douglas
3 Stan Lee
4 Betty White
5 Olivia de Havilland, I shall miss our marathon sex sessions but yer getting on a bit and yer sis whom you hadn't spoken to in years just carked it so go and make up.   

6 Eli Wallach
7 Zsa Zsa Gabor
8 William Shatner, yay made it! got away with killing yer wife but now you can go and be with her.

9 Mickey Rooney 
10 Donald Sinden
11 Doris Day
12 Lauren Bacall
13 Hal Holbrook
14 Dick Van Dyke
15 Sidney Poitier

16 Jerry Stiller, I love this guy but time waits for nomads ....

17 Roger Moore
18 Martin Landau
19 Ed Asner

20 Clint Eastwood, “Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both firmly under your belt, that’s real power.” ..... Poor Clint caught Alzheimers off some ghey black people and shot himself before he got too bad, for fucks sake!  He did a film called Deadpool which was shite so this is karma. 

21 Sean Connery

22 Kim Novak, a sexy witch who never left Old Knudsen's wank bank.

23 Chuck Yeager
24 Henry Kissinger
25 Richard Attenborough
26 George Bush Snr

27 Ex-Pope Benedict XVI, a total cunt much like the current Pope but Benny wasn't playing the PR game, he was playing the long game.
28 Jackie Chan
29 Bill Cosby
30 Jimmy Carter
31 Mikhail Gorbachev
32 James Randi
33 Kenny Rogers

34 Charles Manson, this sad sack didn't even have the balls to kill anyone himself, instead he relied on drugged out hippies to kill heavily pregnant weemen .... what a loser.

35 Mick Fleetwood
36 Fats Domino
37 Chuck Berry

38 Chuck Norris

39 Muhammad Ali, not so tough now ya draft dodger. Old Knudsen beat him in a fight in 2009, his wheelchair was difficult to push over but I did it. 

40 David Hasselhoff
41 Robert Guillaume
42 John Cleese
43 James Earl Jones

44 Stephen Hawking, I'd be a genius too if I rolled around with Google in front of me. Old Knudsen beat him in a fight in 2009, his wheelchair was difficult to push over but I did it.

45 Patrick Stewart
46 Charlie Sheen
47 Axel Rose
48 Robert Downey Jr

49 Tom Baker, for a timelord age has not been kind to him.

50 Kris Kristofferson
51 Cillian Murphy
52 Amanda Seyfried
53 Paul Weller
54 Rihanna
55 Dick Cheney  

56 Stephen Fry, this bloke is just so British, no wonder the Fleggers all want to be like him. This cunt got depressed and took some pills in 2014..... no one noticed for 6 months. 

57 Willie Frazer, the durty sheep flegging fucker. He claimed to have cancer when he was being sentenced for his crimes of incitement but has never mentioned it since. This ridiculous wee man needs to not be alive, maybe this is his year. 

58 Jonathan Rhys Meyers
59 Dalai Lama   
60 Martin Sheen 

Some may be wishful thinking but putting it out there may get the universe to make it real.

1 comment:

Old Knudsen said...

Ian Paisley, Mickey Rooney and Richard Attenborough. 3 out of 60 ... not bad.