Friday, 31 January 2014

The Only Thing I Want To Hear Are My Enemies Dying

The Skainos centre in East Belfast is the place where Prods go to learn the Irish language ..... if they wanted too. It's supposed to be a place where cultures meet and talk.

Yesterday it was holding an event called Listening to Your Enemies which feautred the 1984 Brighton bomber, Patrick Magee who tried to blow up Margret Thatcher and her party for the IRA .

Nothing says united Ireland like blowing people up. How did that work out for you?

As well as that cunt bag, there was also Jo Berry who lost her father Sir Anthony Berry in the bomb.

I couldn't sit there with him but luckily I didn't have to.

A Loyalist mob of about 50  smashed police land rover windows, threw half bricks and yelled abusive things as Loyalists do. In the scuffle 4 officers were hurt but hey they took lots of video of the bad ones .... such a lame police force.

It's very ironic that the event was called Listening to Your Enemies, what was the point to it I wonder?
When you blow up and kill 5 people and wound a further 34 then why the fuck should anyone have to listen to you?
He still defends his role in the blast, but he has expressed remorse for the loss of innocent lives, ach thats nice of him.
He didn't like the governments stance on the death of the IRA hunger strikers. What is there to like about covering yer cell walls with shit and refusing to eat?  Their choice, just like blowing innocent people up was Magee's choice.

East Belfast community worker Jim Wilson was called a traitor as he left the event, that hurt his feelings.
He had gone in to confront Magee about the Republican role during the Troubles and totally supported protesting and defending yer different view.

After leaving and facing verbal abuse and having bricks bounce off his car he may have to re-think that.
 "I was so hurt about what happened last night, because I have been working with this community for 40 years."

Loyalists and Fleggers will turn on their own in an instant, most people here would .... probably their Scottish blood.

The next event to be held there will be a collection of religious leaders called, let me explain why I molest children a good family event with free tea and coffee.

Thursday, 30 January 2014

McCain's Micro Chips

Over the past year the UK and much of Europe have been following the example of the U.S. and have been taking advantage of the flu vaccination shot in order to also micro chip your child at the same time.

Last year was the first time that a coordinated effort was made right across the board to have all primary school children aged 4 - 10 vaccinated against the flu. The consent form that parents signed also vaguely mentioned MCI3R  like you should know what it was already. WTF people, if they are going to have parents sign off on micro chipping they should at least say the words 'oh and MCI3R is the micro chipping implant for children' ........ unless you were trying to pull a fast one.

Wherify Wireless UK joined up with the NHS and the board of education to make this happen. They were the ones who took out the poll in 2010 that showed 75% of parents were for the RFID tags that could pin point the whereabouts of yer child within a few feet of their position. Numerous charities lashed out against this idea but I guess they just weren't asked this time around.

Parents can even go online and check on the movements of their kids, pretty cool huh. All tracking information contained on something the size of a grain of rice, just like animal micro chipping, done in a flash.

Sure it may keep children safe and reassures parents but there is a matter of privacy when that child becomes an adult. Police won't have to stop you for I.D. they can just point a scanner at you and certain people can be flagged as soon as they enter an airport.

Old Knudsen carries his passports in a shielded bag as information from the chips in them can be taken without you knowing it.

I'm just surprised there wasn't more about this when it came out. The flu season just happens to be really bad and they just happen to she short on the nose drops. The only nose drops given out were for those already chipped that had problems getting the chips supplied.

In a move to appear more conservative and less liberal, Senator John McCain has been the champion for micro chips and started the program in several Arizona school districts. The program should be completed in the U.S. in 2018.

If you did not receive the booklet about the chip then check yer child's shoulder or where they recently got the jab to see if there is something hard just under the skin. I suspect that many are getting this done without even knowing about it, can every little thing be put doon to government incompetence and lack of transparency?   


Wednesday, 29 January 2014

The History Of The Future

Old Knudsen has just started talking to his new therapist, a lovely perky young lass not too easily shocked. So I find meself in the mood to talk about Old Knudsen and I'm remembering all sorts of things that may or may not have happened, does everyone have so much trouble with reality or is it just me ? Why am I asking figments of me imagination questions? It's true, you don't exist so fuck away off.

A few years to come Old Knudsen werked for a company called Starship Enterprises, he had a 5 year contract to explore strange new worlds and new civilisations, to brazenly go and exploit their natural resources .... the human way.

We had just cum off Anus 2 after extracting fecalium nuggets to use to power our space cars and were on route to the planet Excrement Prime.
As I sat in my space chair in the maintenance section wondering who the fuck names all these planets and what do all these flashing lights do, the captain came over and put a friendly hand on my shoulder ...... I hate touchy feely people, he'd smile to yer face and stab you in the back, a total cunt.

Of course they wanted me to go doon with a landing party and see how docile the natives were.

Maybe Captain Berk was insecure and felt threatened by Old Knudsen, usually that the only time that Old Knudsen has any trouble with men as I don't give a fuck so why should you? ... yer mammy issues are showing.

The only problem he has with weemen is that if they are very uptight or can't cum to terms with being so attracted to Old Knudsen. Hearing yer wife calling Old Knudsen's name during sex might lead to some marital problems.

Aye you just keep sending me doon to probably hostile planets with a bright red shirt on that just screams to be shot at.
Red is the color of war and passion (same thing?) restaurants use it in their decor to send the subconscious message 'eat up fast and get out, we need the table space' if there is any less calming color then red would be it, hardly one to send in an away team for first contact.  


No wonder Old Knudsen drinks so much, Hell is other people. I left Starship Enterprises when my greatness was constantly over looked and not appreciated, life is too short to waste on fools. I wonder what else I'll rememberise from my therapy. 

From the Havamal (sayings of the high one)

Cattle die, kindred die,
Every man is mortal:
But the good name never dies
Of one who has done well .

Old Knudsen is a fine name, he was there before you and he'll be here long after you are gone. 

Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Bird Brained Pope

First you had Justin Bieber spitting doon onto fans from his hotel balcony and now you have Pope Francis encouraging children to throw live animals out from an upstairs window. Not a very good example and what the fuck? do priests and the like have children on tap? 

The Pope hoped that by throwing animals out of a windie this would somehow bring peace to the troubled Ukraine with it's anti-government protests. If it's black magic yer doing try throwing one of the kids out, you can't use the gurl for anything, throw her out. 

Mine mine mine. 

The Pope who was named after St Francis of a see saw often throws out chips and bits of bread for the birds so it wasn't any surprise that the local crows and seagulls of Satan! thought he was throwing out some little ghey doves as a snack. 

Don't worry the doves escaped and went on to live a long and happy life  .....  no not really. 

We Are The Nazis

America billionaire Thomas Perkins wrote in the Wall Street Journal that the treatment of the wealthy was similar to the treatment of the Jews during the Holocaust.  I'm sure you were just as outraged as Old Knudsen when you read that yerselves. 

I thought that the Fleggers comparing themselves to the Jews of the Holocaust and to the blacks in South Africa fighting against apartheid was idiotic enough but you'd think that this bloke would know better. 

Here is what Old Knudsen is going to do, hes going to round up the old commando squad and we're gonna get the top 85 wealthy people in the world and put them into a camp. We will then strip, starve and pull out their teeth and before we kill them we'll ask Mr Perkins if he still has the same view. 

He also wrote, "I perceive a rising tide of hatred of the successful one percent"  well no shit Sherlock, what can you expect when you have yer attitude? Suggesting that people who don't like being poor and who protest at bank bail outs and unfair bonus' to company leaders as they fire the work force are Nazis will not make you any friends.  Away an count yer billions on yer yacht and cry about how people hate ya. 

Monday, 27 January 2014

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With Chips

I bet you didn't know that you hated this guy, hes Hunter Moore and he isn't just a fat headed guy with a really dumb name hes the guy that set up which was a site where dumped people send private pictures of their ex, complete with name, phone numbers and addresses for revenge.
Moore became known as the king of Revenge Porn.

While many guys will think, 'hmmm I get to see real chicks naked against their consent and with their personal details, this kinda goes with my guilty pleasure of having rape fantasies. '  ...... It isn't right!

Donna Armstrong, from 17 Putford Green, Harlow in Essex ..... England doesn't think it's right either , maybe she shouldn't of had that one night with her ex in retaliation for Old Knudsen's drug fueled week long bender of orgies and ritual murder..... weemen huh, sooo touchy, men just need to blow off some steam from time to time you know what they are like ....  boys will be boys and various other cliched excuses for being a cunt.

Think about the harm it does, not only as a breach of trust but to have all these hairy nosed guys seeing yer baps or vadge and even calling you up and knowing where you live ..... a lot of weirdos out there people, Old Knudsen sees them hanging around outside of yer hoose when hes stalking you.  

Think twice before you sext, if you trust the person now you might have a falling out next week when you find out yer honey bunny is flirting with anything in a skirt, then all the trust is gone and that person you thought you knew is back to being a stranger and one that you don't particularly like.

You can go on about hell hath no fury like a woman scorned all you like but men ....... we ain't too bright at times and will do and say hurtful things without thinking them through or what damage they will cause or even what our punishment will be.

Trolling such as this has been attributed to a number of suicides. The voice of reason in our heads think that it's only the Interweb, it isn't important, it's not like someone actually standing in front of you calling you a durty hoor of Babylon and that yer better off dead.

Bullying can take many forms and online can be just as hurtful. Why would you do this to me .... how could you do this to me?

Moore doesn't give a shit hes making money. A woman contacted him to get naked selfie pictures of her daughter removed alleging they were from her account which was hacked, Moore replied.

"I'm sure she sent the pictures to a million different guys and just ended up on my site just like everybody else."

Like yer usual bully type, Moore then tried to justify himself and said.

"I'm sorry that your daughter was cyber-raped. But, I mean, now she’s educated on technology."

A 27 year-old with a view of weemen as

Something like this.

It's them and us, you trick them into having sex with you by not being yerself. A total lack of respect and Old Knudsen doesn't see how any woman would think it a good idea to have sex with this guy, unless it was their job. 
Maybe the bullies told you that you don't deserve better, or if you just like to fuck (which some weemen actually do) tap into yer instinct, intuition and commonsense. Just out of prison, says he didn't do it ... ach hes so nice and polite I'll give him the benefit of the doubt . Bad boys with a heart of gold are usually just bad boys 90% of the time


Hey Hunter lad, I'm sorry you were prison raped but hey, at least yer now educated on the prison pecking order.

Sunday, 26 January 2014

If In Doubt Just Don't

This is a public information post from the DUP

Due to our recent success at getting a play that mocked Christianity for the amusement of Atheists and Satanists banned we would like to bring something else of importance to the public. 

We of the DUP ..... the ruling party of Northern Ireland have also decided that nakedness and sexual intercourse is now banned on Sundays. 

While we understand that this may be difficult should you want to bathe on a Sunday we request your compliance in this matter. Your body is sinful and seeing you flaunt your sin makes the Lord and Santa cry tears of empty hopelessness.

No sexual intercourse is to be tolerated on the Lord's day either. Tis a day of rest intended for people to go to church in a clean and civilised manner not writhe about in the animalistic throes of beast like copulation.
If you are Pentecostal and intercourse is an integral part of your service then write to the DUP asking for a Sunday fornication license.

Profanity is to be limited on Sundays too, no saying c**t (unless Pentecostal then see above for details) and certainly no use of the word f**k, we can't do it so we certainly can't say it.

The only times the F-word can be used on a Sunday is when it is used in conjunction with the following.

Communicating with Taigs or Slavs
Encouraging your children to go to church
Supporting an athlete or sports team  
Suggesting your wife tends to your sandwich needs
       Discussing human rights with police officers
Socialising in the pub after church
Attending a civil rights protest

We are a Christian nation and would not want to show ourselves to be anything else for if we do then Satan and his Irish minions win. 

You are not your brothers keeper but a concerned eye on your neighbours and their obedience with these guidelines from above would be appreciated. If you have concerns about anyone then please contact your local UVF or Orange Order representative, sometimes they are one and the same. 

Please enjoy your Sundays responsibly. 

Topless Sunday

 A picture of a topless woman topless .... topless within a topless ..... toplesseption or something daft.

What is better than being in between two hot weemen? ..... being in between four and a nice wee cup of tea thats what.
What the fuck you laughing at? I bet you feel a right tit.
One for the lads to keep them off the boys ....looks like some baby lost their arm.
Modest can be sexy, no giant sausage out on show for this fella.

 I like to finish with total sexy ..... but not this time. Remember Christians, stay away from the children. Pedophilia may be fine in 1st century middle east and who are we kidding? also in 21st century middle east but it isn't cool here cos THIS IS SPARTA!

Saturday, 25 January 2014

Robert Burns Wen He Taks A Pee

Och noo hootsie mon tis the night of Rabbie Burns when the veil of the other side is thin and the great man himself appears to his faithful Scottish kin.

Look in a mirror and say My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose three times and Burns will visit you and cut you to ribbons torturing you with badly spoken verse with each slice. If he doesn't then yer a failure and nobody likes you, not even bad dead poets. 

Och wen ol Knudsen left bonnie Scotland and said goodbye to his beloved Killamory with it's rolling hills, deep cold loch, one Kirk (Douglas) and 15 titty bars he knew that the spirit of the great man himself who died fighting the Spanish so that we may be free, would always be with me.

Check oot the windies an that! Nothing to do with the post, I just like the painting in the picture.

So anyway, Ian Blake a fellow Scot was stopped by airport security at Birmingham Airport BY THE SAVAGE ENGLISH! while he was on his way to Dublin . The problem wasn't only the English scums natural jealousy of the Scottish but because what he had in his luggage looked suspiciously like plastic explosives.

Since Ireland is full of witches perhaps a hex of control was placed upon novelist and poet Mr Blake and he was bringing bombs over because ya know ...... Irish people are all terrorists .... just like yon Muslims.
He was pulled out of the line at the airport while his baggage was searched, it turned out to be .....

Ach the only thing that will explode is yer toilet.

Blake, like all true Scots wears the kilt as invented by that great travel writer Sir Wally Scott and even had a wee sgian-dubh which is Italian for dirk, tucked away in his shoes in his bag.

Birmingham huh,the slack fuckers, who hasn't smuggled weapons through there huh? 

 Haggis vadge

Haggis which it seems has the same consistency as C4 is a delicacy in Scotland. It is the intestine of a sheep containing the ground up meat of the national animal of Scotland the haggis. Due to the wild haggis having a poor breeding season in 2008 which also was hit by disease, less actual haggis has been used since then to protect the numbers and more schepe meat has been used as a substitute, meat such as the heart, liver, anus and lungs.

The wild haggis is a protected animal and is now responsibly farmed on the hills of Edinburgh by the English company Freerun Foods, this may pose a problem should Scotland gain independence later this year as plans for relocation south has been discussed.  Scotland may have to import the haggis should it split from England.

Enjoy Burns nite my friends with the blood of the Scot, everyone else can fuck away off before ya get hurt.

Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie,
O, what a panic's in thy breastie!
G'an mak the tee an suckle on ma testie. 

Friday, 24 January 2014

Spoof Play No Way

I have been trying to tell ya this for years but oh no, you know better.  The DUP banning a spoof play The Bible The Complete Word of God (abridged) because they have decided it's offensive and blasphemous .... takes you back to the field with Rhianna doesn't it?

Put some clothes on, Gog made Adam and Eve fully clothed.
The rest of the world barely hears anything or knows anything about Northern Ireland because it's sooo tiny and insignificant but they do hear about this kind of shit.

The Protestant Caleb Foundation or Caliban as it has been called are the enemy of Northern Ireland, as are their other religious sister groups, all full of DUP Presbyterians and Creationists who want to rule as Old testament Gog intended.
When the Protestant leaders of Ulster can't agree on anything else with the Catholic leaders except that abortion is wrong cos the Bible hints in that direction then you know we are a backwards Gog fearing, superstitious, why can we not marry siblings, paranoid, drunken, uneducated arse wipe of a province run by bigoted idiots from the 19th century. 

If you can't have comedy and satire but sectarian rhetoric is fine then you know that we are not a free cuntry. To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize.

Vicky Hartzler Wants To Rule You

American Republican politician Vicky Hartzler was speaking at the 41st annual March for Life in Washington, D.C. she made the observation that "abortion hurts everyone" to lead on where she is going with this she may have said 'So suck it up women and sacrifice your own life and have an unwanted child, you made the mistake slut so live with it forever.'

She continued to spout, "It robs men of the privilege of fatherhood that’s why we must do everything in our power to end this devastating practice."
That is so considerate how she thinks about men by wanting to take this medical option away because in her little limited brain there should be no reason for abortion. Fuck yer unique circumstances I don't care. I have decided and that is that.

Blacks are all lazy, people on welfare are scum, fat people are weak and undisciplined, single mothers are sluts (even though they had their baby) and everyone should do as her religion says. 

She then speculated that if abortion had never been made legal they might have found a cure for cancer by now.
Not sure how she came up with that logic. Maybe because the doctors were too busy killing babies? Maybe because it took up funding that could have been used on research .... or a war?

Where is the money in having a cure for cancer? Now she isn't making any sense at all.  

Hartzler lives on a farm in Harrisonville Missouri with her husband and daughter Tiffany.

Well I am surprised. Living on a farm with all that space and she hasn't got a ton of adopted children from all the unwanted children she is encouraging people to have. There are plenty of unloved lonely kids in care. Walk the walk you fake bitch. 

Like most of these anti-choice nutters she is against abortion but once the child is born she doesn't give a fuck about it and has no better option other than make people suck it up and do as they are told.
She also hates gheys and is disgusted by equality.  The scary part is that she is a teacher, she graduated with a B.S. in Education .... I assume that BS means bullshit.

Thursday, 23 January 2014

His Only Crime Was Being A Mong

A 21 year old mentally retarded man was arrested today for climbing on top of the gates at Belfast city hall singing songs and waving a Union flag. He stayed on the gates for 45 minutes singing pop songs that had 'No surrender' added throughout and only came doon when he couldn't think of anything else to sing.

The young man who has not been named yet, offered hugs but only to Protestant police officers as a way of saying sorry ..... when his offer was declined he took a dead mouse from his pocket that looked as if it had been chewed upon and threw it at the officers.

Paisley Goes Postal

In a parallel universe, disgruntled employee the Right Reverend and Right Dis-Honourable Ian Paisley returned to his place of employment at the Parliament buildings commonly known as Sternmouth and exacted his bloody revenge for how he perceived that he was treated and forced to retire by First Overlord Peter Robinson and his henchmen including Nigel 'smiler' Dodds.

Six people were killed and 12 injured before Lord Baneside took his own life after yelling, 'Hallelujah.'  

 First Overlord Peter Robinson

Paisley who is famous for his sectarian and anti-sodomy stance entered the Parliament buildings at around 10am on Tuesday morning knowing that everyone would be on their second tea break. A long black coat concealed a large number of handguns collected over a lifetime of collusion with the security farces. First Overlord Peter Robinson was gunned doon as he pleaded for his life as Paisley's maniacal laughter filled the break room.

Deputy Junior Underlord Martin McGuinness described what he saw:

"It was horrible, we were on one side of the break room refusing to dunk our Jaffa cakes into our tea when we heard gunfire from a 9mm Beretta, don't ask me how I know that. The door to the break room was gently opened and in walked Ian laughing like a mad man. 

The bullets ripped through the tables that Dodds and Donaldson were hiding under and Peter begged to be spared but to no avail. 
Ian looked at me with those cold grey steel eyes and I thought I was next but he just tipped me the nod and winked as he left the room.  I could hear more shooting and screaming coming from the great hall and then silence."

Sinn Fein has since contacted victim's rights activist Willie Frazer to represent them in their claim for compensation for being emotionally scarred from witnessing the events. They have to prove who exactly was there as they allegedly say that all the members of Sinn Fein and some family friends were in the break room at the time.

While Northern Ireland mourns the loss of such valuable members of society, Edwin Poots the former Minister of Paramilitary training and recruitment was sworn in at First Overlord at a secure location in Ballymena.

Lady Baneside was quoted as saying, "They got what was coming to them. Ian had secured a legacy for his children of being in charge of the church and politics of Northern Ireland but they ..... took it away."  

Meanwhile in Argentina another figure who rose to power through the Cult of personality, Adolf Hitler has announced the publishing of his latest book to coincide with his 126th birthday this year.

Hitler the former leader of Germany and popular game show host is being kept alive by having his organs regularly replaced with those from young runaways.

His latest book suggests he was in support of the Jews and it was the aggressive bullying of the Allied powers that led to the death of millions.

Paisley has gone postal in the media and is trying to reinvent himself  as a kinder figure who never forced clergyman David Armstrong out of his parish for being friendly to his Catholic counterpart during a Christmas service.

Who never launched the campaign "Save Ulster from Sodomy" that fought the decriminalization of homosexuality 

Who never said that the Roman Catholic church has deviated from true Christianity ..... whatever he thinks that is.

Who never shouted at Pope John Paul II "I denounce you as the Antichrist." He was wrong it seems.

Who never blocked roads during civil rights marches, never set up several paramilitary groups, never made excuses for Loyalist terrorists and never encouraged people he knew not to attend the church he preached at after he left it.

He is attempting to destroy those from his party who didn't want an old man falling asleep during meetings to be their leader anymore. Gerry Adams was too powerful a name to have in the north and that is what happens when you play the Cult of personality game. You might as well go in with a few guns mate, it's more honest ya big mouthed shite.


Wednesday, 22 January 2014

The Secret Life Of Steven Moffat

Stephen Moffat the writer and producer of such shows as Dr Who and Sherlock is famous for his Fridge moments , that means you watch a TV show and afterwards when it's over you go to the fridge for another piece of crack or whatever you keep in there and you make an observation about the show that you didn't notice at the time.

I'll just get a pickled eye .... 'Hey why did Buzz Lightyear, who thinks he's a real Space Ranger and not a toy lie still and quiet like the rest of the toys when Andy was about?' 

Fridge moments or plot-holes as you may know them are usually a slap in the face to the viewer cos the writers couldn't think of anything else, 'aye we'll just reverse the polarity with the sonic screwdriver or blow something up totally out of character for the Doctor or something, who cares? it's Friday and I'm outta here early.'

From all the fridge moments and the fast talking, fans are getting a bit fed up with Moffat, it's like hes trying so many different things that he isn't focusing on one. Give the fans what they want and take their money, we'll just skip on quality for a bit.

 Some have cum to the conclusion that Sherlock and Dr Who needs less Moffat.  

In the last episode of Sherlock, Magnussen had his two bodyguards search Sherlock and Watson for weapons when they went to the Baker street flat but when Sherlock and Watson went to the home of Magnussen known as Appledore not only were they not searched but the place lacked any security, completely vulnerable.  
Sherlock producing Watson's gun and shooting Magnussen dead was a real lack of foresight from a genius such as Magnussen ..... Why does Watson have a Sig-sauer handgun anyway? Oh he was a captain in the army when he was an army doctor .... the army doesn't just let you keep shit you know, especially firearms.
After the Hungerford massacre, handguns for the public were made vorboden! Oh and inspector Lestrade wouldn't have one either. Problems when you modernise Victorian stories.

Jesus was walking along the hilly country east of the Jordan, he met two blokes who were possessed by demons. The demons knew Jesus had a big angry father and knew they were in for some trouble. They begged Jesus not to zap their asses to the void but instead to put their souls into a herd of pigs.

Old Knudsen had his fridge moment. Why would there be pig farmers in a land that didn't eat pork?

The 2 demons entered the herd of pigs and then rushed over a cliff and into a river and drowned.... no idea why they did that, as with many stuff in the Bible this was not explained either.    

So Jesus put them into pigs, pigs because according to the Bible they are unclean animals because they have hoofs but don't chew the cud.... Cows would offend the Hindus and sheep, well they are most useful to the Israelites.  

I did some research and it seems that the Philistines who were a seafaring people that migrated there around 3,000 years BC kept and ate pigs. The Israelites were always at odds with the lowland Philistines hence being called a Philistine is now an insult thrown at some uncouth person, just as heck and hell are now used in a derogatory manner but were the names of goddesses Hecate and Hel.

Thats what cunts do, they associate yer name with something bad to demonize you ... they may even turn you into a demon or even leprechauns to be mocked and scorned.   

Christians/the victors love to rewrite history and phase out and replace the old ways.

Believe it or not but pork consumption is a good marker of ethnicity and identity considering the no lovely bacon rule in parts of the Middle east. Archeologists can tell a lot from what bones they find, whether these were Philistine pigs or European pigs that arrived 900BC. 
The Israelites were pastoral nomads with no time for an animal like the pig since they don't walk very far. They don't use them so obviously they wouldn't eat them, thats something those shitty Philistines do right?  Sea folk would have tasty pigs on board boats to eat up waste and top the occasion sandwich.      

Jesus infecting a man's herd of pigs turning his livelihood into demons was a cuntish thing to do, he may have saved the two men who then with no livestock might have starved to death but who cares? they probably weren't Jews so they were sinners anyway.

The rest of the story has Jesus not being thanked but begged to move on. Please, don't help us anymore ya tosser, that kind of help we could do without.  


Which leads me to the theory that Steven Moffat is a Time Lord or some other time traveler who went back in time and wrote the Bible.

How else can you explain all the fridge moments and the contradictions?  He doesn't even look Scottish for fucks sake he looks all pubic headed and timey.



Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Hygiene Is For The Weak

A smile to melt yer heart and make yer gunties damp.

There has been a story over the past week about Amou Haji, an 80 year old Iranian fella who hasn't showered or bathed in 60 years. I'm not sure what the actual story is as whats so odd about not washing? 
Old Knudsen was asked by Amou to set up a dating profile for him as he is sure that being on the Interwebs means he'll be having the pussy thrown at him just as Old Knudsen does.

Name: Amou Haji 
Age: 80 years young
Eyes: Two

I am a free spirit, a citizen of nature who loves nothing more than falling asleep under a blanket of sparkling stars. Hygiene is very important to me as I believe that the more natural you are the more healthier you'll stay. 
I see people who wash themselves daily and they all seem to get sick so I let nature protect me. I saw a man who washed and shaved every day and on his way to work he was knocked down and killed by a truck .... true story bro. 
I dine on rotten meat and drink dirty water from a rusted can and look at me, I can still do one armed push ups and fuck all night like a rock star.

To chillax I smoke numerous cigarettes at a time since I am so strong and healthy or I puff away on my pipe, the best tobacco I've found comes from animals and is pretty good shit, mostly because it is shit. 

With age also comes wisdom and I have a saying to suit all occasions, 'Animal shit is like women, the older it is the easier it is to pick up.'

I have been told that I'm a little bit of a Metrosexual and will compete for bathroom mirror time as I am quite vain. 
When my hair gets untidy I burn off the ends giving me a rugged Michael Fassbender kind of look. 

The only real difference between us would be the number of teeth as I say that less is more. You can still bite a titty with two teeth you know. 

I own villa among the beautiful Iranian countryside, the only rule of my home is to please remove your shoes when you enter.
I sleep in a hole that some have described as grave like but for the right person I am willing to make it a double ..... or I can be on top.

The area I live in is quite an exclusive one full of celebs, I used to drop in on Saddam Hussein all the time. Wrong country I'd say and we'd laugh.

I am happy living the dream and would like to share my outdoor paradise with the perfect partner. I have an idea of the kind of person I would like to share my life with but am open to compromise. 

I'd like a woman between the ages of 18 - 40 with a slim athletic, curvy build but with big tits and a nice tight bubble butt. 
Kim Kardashian before she was defiled by Kanye West would be similar to what I'm looking for though looks and intelligence are not of great importance to me as I am interested in sharing my heart with this person .... and I have plenty of paper bags if shes a minger.

I have the soul of a poet and a huge g-spot finding cock, as long as you know your place and don't answer me back we should be fine.        

If you are interested in contacting Amou (and who could blame you?) just e-mail Old Knudsen and I'll pass on yer interest. Get in early as I have a feeling he won't be on the market for long.