Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Warning: May Contain Heat

Oh look at my poor pained expression, no one warned me that tea was hot.

Boris Khanimov from Brooklyn said he slipped on a puddle and spilled his newly bought McDonald's tea over him and it burned him. Call that a burn? Come back when yer skin is peeling off. People are idiots. OMG this freshly cooked pizza burned the roof of my mouth, I must sue the makers who told me to cook it for 30 minutes at gas mark 6. How could I of known it would be hot?

For fucks sake, put it away!

In 1992 Stella Liebeck aged 79 put a cup of coffee between her legs to open it and add milk etc, she was most surprised when it spilled and gave her these nasty burns ..... Now these are burns, learn something Khanimov. They probably just threw the money at her then hit the mind bleach because of those pictures.
Liebeck was awarded $2.86 million for being clumsy .... er for the coffee being too hot. Since this case there have been many similar lawsuits against many fast food restaurants.

Now everyone and their dog are being clumsy or say they were told to leave a KFC because their young child had facial scars and she was scaring other customers. That family got $135,000 in public donations and KFC offered $30,000 for medical expenses while they investigated.
Staff then suffered verbal abuse, death threats and drinks poured over them and guess what? The story wasn't even true. 

It was the little gurl's grandmother who created the story, maybe she was feeling guilty that it was her husband's pitbulls that made little Victoria lose her right eye gave her a broken jaw, nose, and cheekbones plus facial scarring. Some people should not be allowed near guns, children, pets and hot drinks.
I pity that child having to grow up with those mongs.

Pour some extra dia-beetus on that bitch!

Demetri Johnson aged 21 was fucked at the Drive thru in Nashville, Tennessee. After returning about a missing cheeseburger the manager asked him to park while he sorted the order out and would bring it out to him. Johnson then entered the restaurant with three ho's and a gun and demanded his order be made fresh including fries and soft drinks, then they left .... Get it right first time motherfuckers! 

The customer may not be always right but they do sometimes have a gun and impulse control problems. Always check yer order before you leave as some of those kids working there are on the pot.

Now onto my final case. Matt Brown, a diabetic aged 38 was walking from his mum's hoose in the early hours of Christmas eve when he felt like he was on the verge of a hypoglycaemic attack and thought he should head to a nearby McDonald's rather than make it home, "I usually carry Lucozade for emergencies but had run out I just needed some help and goodwill" .... It's British so I'll translate.
Mr Brown who has decided he's borderline diabetic but it's not low blood sugar, he's just a moody arsehole was staggering home after celebrating with a few Christmas drinks when he felt the munchies ... we've all been there.

That £20 his Ma gave him must have been burning a hole in his pocket.  

Since he's a teacher he obviously thinks he's better than the plebs who had to work a graveyard shift on Christmas eve and he'll just go up and order a burger. The last place you'll get goodwill is from fast food employees working on Christmas eve. No wonder Mr Brown is forever alone, looking for goodwill in all the wrong places.

When he got there it was drive thru only and after he banged on the window to get their attention he was probably told it's against company policy to serve people who aren't in vehicles .... something silly to do with getting knocked down I suppose or it's really just an excuse to not serve drunks banging on the window.

Brown said that he begged the manager to phone an ambulance but was told: “It’s not my problem.”

How shocking, a source at the restaurant said he had actually asked them to call a taxi. I bet it was to go through for a burger rather than to go to hospital. Don't you have a cell phone Mr Brown, what the fuck do you teach, something stupid like Religious Education or Geography? ... maybe P.E.?  

He said he was left slumped outside for over an hour, you could have crawled home in that time. Maybe get a taxi home next time if yer diabeetus is soooo dangerous. The story doesn't say how he got home, maybe he sobered up and just walked. Carry a few sugar packets with you dummy, it's a cold harsh world at 3am and you look quite shifty. 

Another Mathew Brown around that area was recently banned from teaching due to having lied about his qualifications, I'll just assume that it isn't the same person as this one looks shifty .... but honest and I doubt he'd make up a story and go to the paper to try to get money out of McDonald's.

People are stupid and think nothing about the reactions to their actions. As well as death threats, those fast food plebs may lose their shitty job over false claims or because people complain that the food made them fat or they burned themselves because they didn't understand what the hot in hot drink really meant.
If yer wife makes you a cuppa and you burn yerself with it do you sue her? Aye maybe give her a slap and tell her how useless she is but a lawsuit?
Thanks to that super size me cunt we don't have super size any more and eventually hot drinks and food will be served at room temperature on purpose. Sorry, you can't get hot fresh food, you might put yer eye out.   

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Briton Of The Year

Nigel Farage, the so-called man of the people was out on Boxing day to support The Old Surrey, Burstow and West Kent Hunt. 

No it's not an elitist thing full of landowners and gentry folk on horses tooting horns and saying,"tally ho" with a pack of dogs intent on ripping a fox to pieces.  

Oh no I'm wrong, seems it is elitist. Here is Nigel shaking hands with Mark Bycroft who assaulted a hunt protester in an unprovoked attack in 2013 .... Man of the people indeed, those people would be white, British and male.  
Now hunting is fine if yer no where near a Tesco and have to eat, other than that yer just a cunt who enjoys killing things while pretending to be all macho .... even though the prey doesn't have a 50 cal rifle or 20 hounds.  

The Times newspaper made Nigel the Briton of the year. I think it was his defense of a colleague using the term chinky that clenched it. Very noble rushing to his defense just like how he defends all the others in his party that cum out with offensive remarks or songs.

Not to be confused with Time magazine's person of the year who gave the accolade to people going over to fight the Ebola epidemic. Oh no, we get Nigel Farage. Is this chinless wonder our best and brightest? 
Alex Salmond the former first minister of Scotland maybe a rabid nationalist but he is a far better politician than Farage and has probably given David Cameron an ulcer over the Scottish vote ... he would however tell you to fuck off if you named him Briton of the year.  

Russel Brand spouts off half cocked and has a YouTube channel. He may be a bit naive for the real world and bloody annoying with that accent but he's helping out with good of the people causes and issues. Yeah he's rich now but do you see Geldof or Bono helping out causes on their own doorstep? He could be trendy and only help the starving Africans but no, he's helping the poor Brits so good for him .... though he is still a wanker.  

19-year-old Stephen Sutton had terminal cancer but managed to raise £5 million for charity before he died. When he had the strength he'd smile for the camera and give the thumbs up to those helping him achieve his dream of raising £ 1 million.

Or 5 year-old Oscar Knox who lost his battle to neuroblastoma, a rare and aggressive childhood cancer. He brought people in Northern Ireland that little bit closer through an amazing wave of compassion for Wee Oscar. 

Or the British aid workers who were executed by ISIS, the doctor who survived Ebola only to go back and use his "maybe" immune from it status to cure the sick, there are plenty of more worthy Brits than Nigel Farage to be called Briton of the year. 

What about One fucking Direction, they sang on the Band Aid rehashed charity single. Lame from One Direction should get it for cuteness alone ... oh sorry it's Liam. 
Dr. Matt Taylor the Rosetta space craft scientist or that guy with the hideous sexist shirt should get it cos all the angry man hating feminists gave him shit for it and it made him cry. He wore it as a favour for his 'female' friend who made it.
Who does Rory McIlroy have to beat at golf or just beat up to get recognition?  It seems that weemen did fuck all as usual otherwise they would be in my list, maybe Nigel had them in the kitchen where they belong. 
When asked by the taxi driver, 'where to mate?' he replied, '1957 and step on it'

Despite the Editor and writers of the Times claiming it's because Farage has been influential in British politics for bad, depressing reasons and that he is a xenophobe, Farage has taken it as an award and so will many others.
Are the Times just feeding a media monster that sells papers? They have to be aware of the power they have.  Farage is a big seller because he is a train wreck waiting to happen but may very well Forrest Gump his way to power like George W Bush did for 8 long years. Those years were very entertaining of course even though they destroyed the stability of a lot of the world and the reputation of the US but those pictures where he looks like a monkey .... fucking hilarious. Not so funny when North Korea calls Obama a monkey though, work on yer humour lil Kim as it's mildly racist ya slitty eyed fat cunt.   

Old Knudsen is not surprised that a racist, sexist, out of touch alcoholic xenophobe made it to being the Briton of the year, that does go to describe most of the Englishmen I've met, maybe that is what other Sassenachs aspire to be and look up to.

Well good luck with that.   

Monday, 29 December 2014

The Possession Of Michael King

You know that I could never hurt you honey, and what I mean by never I really mean probably will.

I shall review the movie The Possession of Michael King because it touches upon some social taboos that are still stupidly in place within our society.  It's the 21st century but oh no we still have issues about being in the body of someone else without consent and incest. 

No one likes to talk about incest, they would rather just avoid discussing it as it makes them feel uncomfortable, well that was the impression I got from the cashier at Tesco and then the security guard the other day. 

Michael King is a documentary film maker who lives in LA in a very nice hoose. His wife was killed in an accident. A psychic medium had told her not to go on a trip because her big break was gonna come soon. Sure her big break was yon SUV driving into her head at speed but Michael thinks that the advice given to her from the psychic killed her and so he was going to prove there is no such thing as the supernatural or paranormal. 
Michael who is an atheist has a young daughter Ellie and his sister is staying with them to help out or it would be one big single parent baby sitting movie. 

He first visits a priest who tells him that while the Catholic church doesn't do possessions, he himself was the go to priest that actually did them in what was an open secret ..... He had no proof of the 
supernatural, just stories.   

After trying a demon summoning kit online which didn't summon shit he paid a demonologist couple to do a ritual for him. They gave him LSD, got him to jizz in a cup then strapped him to a wooden cross in the basement and did it doggy style while wearing masks and chanting while Michael lay there freaking out. 

Daddy I had a bad dream about a monster .... the monster was you Daddy. Don't worry Ellie, now get to bed, I'll be up to fuck you in, er I mean tuck you in.  

So after he comes doon from his LSD trip he meets up with a necromancer who sows a dead person's teeth onto his stomach and gets him to smoke some DMT taken from a  psychedelic frog. The ritual gets interrupted by the police and Michael is left with yet another bad trip .... Dude where's my car?

 Is it any wonder that Michael starts to hear noises in his head and can't sleep? 

Now I'm not saying that demonic possessions are real considering in real life they only seem to happen to extremely religious people to begin with. Those people have already shown that they are highly open to suggestion, are very gullible and not too bright or introspective ... aye, God botherers.

If like Michael you start to dabble in the dark arts or even in the less dark arts but have a mocking yeah right attitude then do not be surprised when you find that you've insulted a spirit or a demon and have gotten someones attention that you really should not have met spiritual eye contact with. 

As with people there are good and bad beings or spirits and even the good ones can have a bad day so don't be surprised when you mockingly invite something into yer life without having set up the proper protection first and it fucks you up or someone even more vulnerable who is in yer home like a child .... not a smart move Michael.  

So Michael in one of his manic states in which anything goes kills the family dog and puts it in his young daughter's bed .... a dream catcher would have been better for her nightmares but what do I know? 

He also finds out that his camel toe laden sister takes sleeping pills and that you can put yer hand right into her gunties and she doesn't wake up ... Which is an immoral thing to do, in some cultures. Unless yer sister is insanely hot or something cos then she is asking for it. 

Melissa Young aged 37 from Edinburgh was sentenced to serve at least 20 years before parole is considered. She was arrested for the fatal stabbing of her neighbour on Christmas day in 2013. She had given him a present of a pair of unisex trainers and a copy of the Sun newspaper's 2014 calendar but he rejected them .... la de dah, fucking Daily Express reader no doubt. 

She saw a bright light and heard voices in her head before she flipped and stabbed her neighbour 29 times. Young with the tasteful tattoos of the Virgin Mary on one arm and Lucifer on the other said the Archangel Saint Michael had taken over her body and used her as an instrument of God to punish the unclean demon.
And still they put her away? I would have thought that was the perfect reason for the season ... of death. She said that if he had accepted the gifts from her she would not have stabbed him.

Ungrateful bastard, children in Africa would love a Sun newspaper calendar ... well maybe not. The Sun doesn't objectify weemen with its tits on page 3, it gives plastic surgeons much needed income and serves as a rite of passage for many a young boy as his gateway onto porn. Tits in newspapers is classy as fuck. 

So spirits and Angels are possessing people all the time. Well experts say that Young had a mental illness. Bad spirits can take advantage of that or can feed off yer depression, just because they say they are Archangel George Michael or whatever that doesn't mean that they really are. People in mental distress give off signals like a beacon for the boogeymen to take advantage of. 

If you carve a 5 pointed star into yer flesh for protection, don't make it upside doon ... doh! 

Not to spoil the movie for you but Michael gets taken over because his grief, all those lovely drugs and the insomnia which left him open and vulnerable, he was double dog daring evil beings to prove they existed and they turned up. 
The noises he was hearing were the Angels trying to drown out the voice of the demon Bahamgore, Commander of 37 legions, seeker of the defenseless, the weak-spirited, the non-believer. Known also as the destroyer of thought, breeder of ants, spotter of trains and stealer of children.  

 Yer movie is shite, too many cliches!

Stoopid Angels, why couldn't they have let him get some shut eye instead of making more noises in his head? His dead wife was also trying to help him but he was too into wanting to find proof of evil so therefore there he would know that good also exists. 

Not great logic but he missed his wife and what does an atheist have to turn to? You don't get much comfort from being smug ya know. Atheists, too busy arguing about fairy tales that they have just as much proof of God not existing as the God botherers have that he does exist. 

If a tree falls in a forest but there is no one around to hear it fall, that means yer still a fuck wit. 

This movie is a cautionary tale to not be a smug shite who has decided that all that woo is fake or just primitive superstitious fear. Just because you can't hear the tree speak, doesn't mean it isn't talking to you .... again with the trees and yer still a fuck wit. 

It's bloody, has jump scares and a few gross out moments, it's rather silly and was probably just all doon to the drugs. On the bright side if you are fat you'll have less of a chance of being possessed as you never see fat blokes carving into their chests and their faces aren't angular enough to be scary when under spooky lighting.  

Saturday, 27 December 2014

The Voice Of The Mysterons

Old Bitter Balls friend Mr Sean Connery was round at my hoose to share a bottle of 12 year-old runaway. We sat drinking and got talking about accents and thought it would be a good idea to share the lilting, melodic tones of a Belfast accent with the world.

No wee spides were hurt much during the making of this clip.

Friday, 26 December 2014

Boxing Day Fight Club

Violence is never the answer .... Unless the question is How do we stop these crazy fuckers from killing or invading us? or Should I defend myself or my family from harm? or How should we treat violent offenders, rapists and pedos? or How can I get rid of all this nervous energy? ..... So screw that, violence is very often the answer.

The first rule of Old Knudsen's Boxing day fight club is 'you never blog about Old Knudsen's Boxing day fight club' unless you blog about it of course.

Kim Jong un got a flying visit from the fist of justice for being an uptight evil dictator. He certainly puts the dick in dictator. You know who uses hacking as a weapon? .... Nations with shite armies that's who.
Old Knudsen is highly suspicious as it actually succeeded. North Korea isn't used to having success at anything so are the Guardians of Peace really the NSA or Homeland security? ... wouldn't surprise me.

Nigel Farage, the man stuck in the 70's and 80's got a good fisting for being a self-entitled, misogynist racist. We used to call coloureds golly wogs back in the old days and patted women on the bums and kept them in the kitchen and no one ever got offended .... Aye sure they didn't.

Well to do Plantations had Negroes working for free and who you could whip or shag whenever you wanted cos you owned them ..... Didn't make it right.

Ukip, a political party based on xenophobia and hoping that you are dissatisfied enough to vote for them without asking too many questions about their policies. No wonder it attracts BNP and Britain First types.    

Since Paul Golding of Britain First doesn't accept challenges from professional fighters he got a surprise pounding of righteousness. Hi-jacking the poppy appeal and invading mosques with yer shoes on and pushing the old clerics about got him a good slappin .... His thugs use the Queen's crown on their logo (unauthorized usage) and they wear flat caps which is just not on.  

I then got him arrested for that haircut.   Did you get a free pair of knickers with that haircut? cos you look like a right cunt.


Thursday, 25 December 2014

Merry Christmas

Assuming that some personal tragedy hasn't ruined this Christmas time for you then I welcome you to enjoy the Christmas festivities. If you are alone this Christmas then don't worry, you aren't really missing anything.

Uncle Arthur will have too much to drink and will insist on telling you about the horrors of war and how the government is out to get you .... He never served but he knows a guy who had a brother who did.

The hot chick who you've been working up the courage to ask out is going to friend zone you and say that she isn't looking for love and is enjoying being single .... right before she has a few drinks and ends up on the lap of a total douche bag whom she is comforting because his marriage is failing.

Good looking hipster dudes with beards only exist in those perfect Christmas commercials on TV.

Instead you get Bob ... who is really funny except when he drinks vodka as that makes him aggressive. He always ends the night drinking vodka.

If getting drunk is yer only way to cope with socializing with people you can't stand then pace yerself. Resentment expressed early may lead to yer dinner having spittle in it. Nurse yer drinks and sit quietly with a fixed smile on yer face and watch yer opponents become more drunk than you, turkey ... then BOOM!

Make sure the children of the hoose know to keep quiet and play with their new toys while you do yer adult stuff .... Contrary to opinion, it isn't all about the children. In Old Knudsen's day when Christmas was Pagan we'd sacrifice the wee fuckers under a tree to the dark gods.

Whatever way you decide to spend Christmas try to have a spanking good one. Don't waste yer time thinking about the poor, disadvantaged, homeless or the starving people in Ebola, they'll still be there tomorrow .... unless they die of course. Only think about them to score moral high ground points on others. Bill Gates or George Clooney don't let it spoil their day so don't you bother either. 


Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Santa Is Real

 Ho fucking humbug.

Lynn Cassidy has never recovered from the traumatic day when she was aged 10 and received a second hand bike for Christmas. Santa wouldn't give a second hand bike as a present, only those cunts who work for charities do evil things like that. She confronted her parents about it.

"I remember feeling immense sadness as I looked at them and asked if Santa was real.

"They didn't even really have to answer, they just looked at me in a way that said it all. From there my world came crashing down."

Having a sad childhood she found comfort that Santa loved her. "Santa meant so much to me, to know he didn't exist ruined my whole world. I know I should get over it but I can't.”

 Is that him? .... no just a plane, fuck I hope it crashes. 

54 year-old Lynn, from West Yorkshire is on a course of anti-depressants after doctors diagnosed her with "seasonal depression" she even visits a a counselor throughout the holiday season. 

"It's like I'm searching for the hit I got from Christmas when I was young. I have Christmas 24 channel on all the time - watching all the Christmas films. I go to Christmas light switch-ons and garden centres to immerse myself in their elaborate light displays to hope that it may get me in the spirit of things but it doesn't work"

She pretends to be in the spirit of the season for her children but makes sure she tells them to stop being so stupid when they talk about Santa coming.

"At least I have Jesus to talk to and to help get me through it" ..... um, about that.

Well we at Old Bitter Balls have some good news for Lynn, Santa is real, he just cannot stand those Yorkshire accents and how smug Yorkshire people are, it's almost as bad as Leeds or Birmingham. 

 Sprinkle it on yer donuts pig.

The bad news is that he was just recently arrested for attempting to buy a little pick me up in Callyfornia. He is under a lot of stress to visit millions of homes in one night and with his friend Charlie he just flies through it  .... literally.

Due to austerity cuts and the changing attitudes of children there are less and less homes every year to visit. "Children just aren't as good as they used to be"  said Santa from his holding cell.

"The wee fuckers want more and more and it's not even their birthday, it's Jesus' birthday." 

When asked if he remembered Lynn he said, "Yes I do, and if I don't visit any child at Christmas it's because A) they just weren't well behaved enough, B) Their self entitled attitude just sucked, C) they just didn't believe in me hard enough or D) They weren't asleep or opened their eyes when I was touching them. 

So there you have it Lynn, it's not because Santa is imaginary, it's yer fault for breaking the rules. I hope this helps you during yer therapy sessions.
The good news is that it will be Easter in no time when the Easter bunny leaves chocolate eggs for those who truly believe in it, who doesn't like chocolate huh?

The last word from Santa, "Fuck I hate children, especially 54 year-old miserable looking ones, maybe a second hand bike was all her parents could afford ... I need to get a better job, and a good lawyer,  people are just cunts."

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Chinky Poofter Bird

 What else would you call them?

Ukip candidate Kerry Smith resigned as parliamentary candidate for South Basildon and East Thurrock after he was heard calling ghey party members "poofters" and referring to someone as a "Chinky bird" in phone calls.

Firstly queers prefer to be called fudge packers and the weemen bean flickers and Chinese people prefer to be called ting tang wing wong ... Old Knudsen doesn't really know any Chinese people except the ones he killed during the Boxer rebellion of 1900, then I called them targets. How dare they not like our imperialistic ways, we were just honest immigrants and they kicked us out.

  Nigel Farage the leader of the master race.

Ukip party leader Nigel Farage did what he usually did and that was to defend his colleague. "Kerry Smith is a rough diamond. A council estate boy from the East End of London, left school early and talks in a way that a lot of people from that background do." Oh so that's ok then, not his fault.

“If you and your mates were going out for a Chinese, what do you say you’re going for?” ..... he expected the interviewer he asked to say, 'going out for a chinky'  though Farage stated that he himself had never used that word.

“I think we’re very snobbish in London about condemning people perhaps for the colloquial language they use, particularly if it’s not meant with really unpleasant intent, Smith was a "genuine fella" 


"was not suitable to be a parliamentary candidate".  Because he is common, can't censor himself or is fat? Farage defending Smith yet playing into the snobbery he complains about.

Old Knudsen is not a racist or a homophobe, he hates everyone with equal scorn and he himself left school early ... around 10 minutes early (16 is the school leaving age) I think it was, I had a Doctors appointment and Old Knudsen still lives on a housing estate.
If he ordered a Chinese takeaway he'd call it a Chinese, he wouldn't feel the need to use a racial slur just because he lives on a housing estate and that guide dogs have had a better level of education than him.
Northern Ireland is very sectarian and he doesn't call Catholics, Taigs or Fenian cock suckers or Protestants Huns or Orange bastards either .... though they are but that's besides the point.  

As for gheys. I just read how people were saying that JK Rowling didn't write Dumbledore as being ghey and so must be a crap writer if he was meant to be ghey.
How do you write someone as being ghey? Ghey people are usually just average people unless they have issues and then it's all 'The Birdcage' but maybe Dumbledore was comfortable in his sexuality and didn't like feather boas cos they were so ghey.  

Farage is like the Republicans in the US, they have an unrealistic view of the world and want things to return to the way they were in the 1950's. Great if you were a middle class white person I suppose.

Farage wants to return the UK to the 70's and 80's because he hasn't moved on from then himself. You could discriminate against weemen, call a spade a spade and some times call them wog or darkie. You could smoke in hospitals and blackface was funny and on prime time TV. Mental health services was being told to, 'pull yerself up by the boot straps and suck it up' weemen who complained about sexual assault were just being hysterical and overacting, a slap would sort them out and you could cane children at school for anything ..... good times.  

You could call weemen birds because only real men equate weemen to animals. Farage thinks we have gone too far with political correctness and that it's all just a bit of fun to treat people as less than equals.   

He was right about the snobbery in London, for a place chocka block with ethnic people the white ones still look doon on the Irish and the fact that the government is situated in London means they are out of touch with the rest of the nation. While NHS hospitals maybe be good in London, go to Belfast and you'll get fewer services but who cares because it's just the Irish right?

You could compare Northern Ireland and even Ireland to a lass who has been raped by someone famous and is shouting for justice but London (the famous person) doesn't take any responsibility. Like how the US fuck up Iraq and then leaves.

Government needs to work for all the people equally and if Smith, the fat bloke with the gurly name can't even talk about people without derogatory names then he isn't suited for Parliament and should work on his own sexual identity and lay off the pies.

Monday, 22 December 2014

Person Of Interest 2014

Again with the top 10 people who made it onto the shortlist for Old Bitter Balls Person of Interest 2014. 
At number 10. Dr John Kincaid a former Navy SEAL who won the Medal of Honor for single handedly fighting off 100 Tallyban fighters who attacked an orphanage in Afghanistan. He paused his research looking for a cure for cancer to go save the people dying of Ebola in west Africa .... not good enough Doc, maybe next year.  

9. Bill Cosby sneaked in while you were passed out for the number 9 spot. This great entertainer and American icon who does not take no or being awake for an answer has to juggle a career and accusations of rape .... Don't worry, he'll never do any jail time as that would be racist.

8. U.S. police, you get the odd one that uses an illegal choke hold or shoots an unarmed person but no matter what the media would have you believe they do deliver us from evil.... Those stories just don't make the news. The police are the most obese workers in the US, I bet you heard that one but did you hear about the 16th annual “Shop With a Cop” event in Bolingbrook, Chicago or the annual Cop and Kids holiday shopping spree by the Virginia Beach Sheriff's department or the many others?


7. Vladimir Putin for invading Ukraine after Russia had promised to protect it if they gave up their nukes, nicely played sir. It's a pity yer economy is going doon the shiter .... karma baby. 

6. Pope Francis for making the world think he was different to all the other papal cunts. One minute he says who am I to judge? then condemns gheys the next he says we should tolerate them though they are damned and it takes a man and a woman to raise a child properly. The Pope certainly did not say that animals go to Heaven, the media want to believe he said it but no, he didn't. He did say that there should be a better redistribution of wealth in order to help the poor ..... then the Vatican found out they had even more money than they had thought they did and went quiet on the whole redistribution thing.  

5. ISIS, ISIL for being the number one brand for terrorists, you are the people that Al-Qaeda fears and that Boko Harem want to be. Who would have thought that cutting off heads would go viral ... genius. You are the Boogeyman for millions of westerners. If Old Knudsen ever meets you on the field of battle you shall be destroyed.

4.  Bill Nye the science guy gets to number 4 for defending the theory of evolution during a debate with the evil Ken Ham. "If we raise a generation of students who don't believe in the process of science, who think everything that we've come to know about nature and the universe can be dismissed by a few sentences translated into English from some ancient text, you're not going to continue to innovate." Look at Flu shots, evolution is a fact bitches.


3. The CIA for taking the Gestapo handbook on torture and bringing it to the 21st century. This year the world read just how useless the spooks are at getting information under duress.

2. Kim Jong un a former OBB Person of Interest is at number 2 for bringing Sony to it's knees by knowing some North Korea friendly hackers. He has shown the world that no one laughs at him and gets away with it.  

 But there can be only one Kim.

Kim Kardashian has beaten Kim Jong un by an arse hair and is the OBB person of the year 2014 and here is why.

Her tireless charity work in Ebola, Africa with all those poor dying children.

You can't save the world Kim. She worked for minutes over a hot dish serving slop to the children of Ebola until the photographers got enough pictures.... She puts the cum in cumpassion. 

As the US Middle East envoy for peace she touched the world by announcing, "Today in my heart I am a Philistine, we must rebuild their west bank or these people can't go to the ATM , I can only imagine the horror." 

Her loving husband the talented and most humble Kayne West by her side as well as their sprog North by North West is there nothing this gurl can't or won't do in front of the camera? No more music videos please, that was just terrible.

She can even get pictures taken of her while she takes a selfie, her talent knows no bounds. 

There maybe many fat arsed, shallow, narcissistic bints in the world but only one Kim .... until the next one of course.