Saturday, 31 August 2013

Outrage At Tesco

Old Knudsen had just stopped into Tesco for a drop of grocery shopping after a tough workout at the gym. Hmmm beer or cider to go with me lunch time pot noodle, decisions decisions.... vodka it is. 

Hello Tesco? no milk today I'm all dried up!
Then I heard over the loud speaker: Our milk comes fresh each day from our Tesco farmers .... for fucks sake! have I been putting farmer milk into me tae? Ach if I buy milk I don't want it from some durty ol ruddy cheeked pervert in wellies who gets off thinking about tractor incest, I want it from moo cows.

You've seen some of the weemen Old Knudsen has dated so you know him not to be picky or fussy but the line must be drawn.

Oh and if I were you I'd stay away from the meat counter too.

Friday, 30 August 2013

Red Pride

No one cares about Miley Virus or Syria, what everyone is talking about is the racism going on in Scotland.Usually a land of enlightenment, a dark shadow has stretched over the Alba. 

 Sorry, wrong Alba.
Tony Winters, originally from Glasgow accused an Edinburgh chip shop of racism after they charged him 25p for tomato sauce.

  Just like the whole east coast west coast feud between rappers that killed my homie B.I.G. 

Yo yo yo west coast is the best, they cut you with broken bottles for fun and put red sass on their fish and chips.
No yo yo yo east coast rules, they have a castle and put brown sass on their chips. 

 The ugly face of racism .... the gold sea.

Tony, who has lived in Edinburgh for 18 years, is the Rosa Parks of Scotland.  “Every chip shop I know gives ketchup free. A condiment is a condiment. You can’t offer one customer brown sauce for nothing then charge another for tomato. I told the staff I thought it was racist. They just said it’s what they do."

Damn their racist hides.

"It reeks of racism – just because we come from the west and tend to like ketchup instead of brown sauce. It’s clear they’re discriminating and I don’t think it’s right.”

Shop owner Paul Crolla was clearly annoyed:

“Salt and brown sass goes with fish and chips. Anything extra should be paid for. If it was up to me I wouldn’t give anyone ketchup because it ruins the whole thing, those people coming here taking our jobs and thinking we're gonna give them red sass for free .... go back to yer own cuntry!"

Selling sachets of Heinz ketchup at 25p a time needs to be taken to the European courts of human rights ... it's not right!

Old Knudsen feels for Mr Winters of the Glaswegian race. When Old Knudsen was growing up in Scotland in his beloved village of Kilamory people would look at him and whisper, "there goes yon viking with the massive cock" yes it was a difficult time for Old Knudsen, all the local lasses wanted to touch it and see if they could fit it into their mouths ..... harsh times.

Old Knudsen asks you all to join in a boycott of the Gold sea, when you allow this type of racism in then that just leaves doors open for other forms of hate.


Thursday, 29 August 2013

Phasers Set To Surrender

Captain's log the USS Tanker . Orbiting around Sectarian 4 we have been told that we cannot go onto the planet's surface to express our British culture because of the Prime directive .... no one tells us what we can't do. LIKE and SHARE.

Captain! sensors show a Klingon bird of prayer who wants to express their Britishness. Oh and do you know that I have a special recording from the Ra-mulans who say they want to mourdor us beys .... but only I can hear it? 

 Focus Specks and lay off the meds. Put the Klingons on screen.

Greetings ! We can carve this planet up between us and just let the Federation funding roll in, what do you say?
 I want to be in total control, forcing everyone to be white, Protestant and British. You will love Jesus and have babies whether you want to or not.

For the love of God. Jamie you sometimes useful tool who I pretend to like, launch torpedoes.

   Wight Jim! Just waiting on UVF permission to do anything ..... and they're off. :::::explosion!:::::

 Scotty, whats the status report?

It's Sammy, yer the fuckin Scot. Status report is that we have 8 million likes and half the world are talking about us....... must have been that wee dance ya did at the Con club. 

An those torpedoes ...

Did someone say pedos? I don't know anything about that just like my time in the IRA ... oh you have proof, maybe I know something then.

They're chipping away at are shields and destroying our ship, the auxiliary power, whatever that is, is banjaxed. Jim yer my best fuckin mate, whats with the suitcases M8? ..... yer leaving? ..... but we're fucked and not going anywhere, Jim! Jim!

Jim!  get out of bed yer cornflakes are ready.    

Don't call me Jim! My name is Alice and I'm a pretty gurl.

Why yes you are.

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Media Slant And Grundle Licking

Standard offensive yet topical picture.

Is Old Knudsen pissed off? ..... why yes he is. I'm a big boy, no I'm not talking about me cock size again. I can take bad news.

 Am I the only one freaked out by Miley's alien tongue?

I don't need you to sugar coat things or just to leave out the bad things. I think that doing that you are treating people like idiots.

 A stock photo of some idiots.

So ya got the media in the US over reporting on every single shooting to make a point. 

Especially when the one shot is a coloured chappy. So many other murders and shootings that don't get to be a household name. 
In the US race is that issue you have to nod and agree with or yer a racist, oh and if you talk about it and say something like.  "Well maybe if the 'person of colour' wasn't high, going 90 in a stolen car then pulling out a gun the police wouldn't of had to have shot him." .... you may get accused of being a racist, "but it was a black cop who shot him" .... you fucking racist I ain't got time for this.

I have nothing against Ben Affleck , he just tends to do movies I don't want to see. Dogma is more or less the only movie Old Knudsen likes him in though Matt Damon is better. 

The back lash against Ben playing the next Batman goes to show you what a load of sad fuckers there are out there. We get this every Bond and every Dr Who for fucks sake!

Christian Bale and the Batman movies he was in were not as lame as most DC has been up to date, I mean nipples on the Bat suit?
It's easy for Bale to play the angry asshole type, it comes naturally to him. Ben doesn't have to do it that way since he'll be with Superman, he'll do a fine enough job frowning and brooding so lay off him. 

Big news stories huh? Things that make you forget yer lack of healthcare or the cuts that are always around the corner. 

You have to go to places online like the Washington post and the New York Times if you want to hear about the Muslim Brotherhood targeting Coptic Christians. 
If you see a red X on a shop it's Muslim, if you see a black X it's Christian so feel free to attack it. About 40 or more churches have been looted, damaged or burned down thanks to these cunts. I know that Christians are ALL pedophiles but some of those churches were old.

Is this big news? The fact that many of the rebels in Syria are Islamists now, is this big news? Who is helping the rebels? ... is that news? Yeah cos Vietnam and Afghanistan worked out sooo well. 

Russia decided to not like gheys a little more. Distracted from Putin and his ghey biker club? ... good. He has a poofy 3 wheeler ... lol! 

I can understand how you would put the stories out and bury them so that it doesn't stir up racial or sectarian tension, but to be a sneaky cunt about it is another thing.  We only get half of the story especially when it's from governments.

Maybe they shouldn't make churches so flammable.   

During the fleg riots in Northern Ireland, many of the things that happened weren't reported. I don't mean pretend stories of Loyalists watching the police beat old people up, I'm talking about Loyalists burning out buses and blocking roads.

Who decides where are news is gonna take us? There seems to be familiar patterns to it, distract by lying big to get people worked up and do the real work somewhere else.   

Who approved these hospital closures .... well it was done when you were talking about ghey marriage and abortion, it's all legal.... ya didn't even noticed the rise in petrol.

Where is the outrage? I don't want outrage over the alleged taking our guns or how everyone on food stamps are eating better than me with two jobs and how the immigrants get everything handed to them .... quit the made up shit and go check out the facts .... not on Facebook. 

While others think that some heritage or culture that they don't have is worth destroying a country and a peace for why do they not protest each cut their own leaders make to programs every week? Why are they not celebrating each cruise ship that brings tourists to our shore? 

The media is doing us no favours by letting the morons come to their own conclusions. Here we go. The Muslim Brotherhood are a hate group infecting the world .... not all Muslims support them, got it? 
Just like the IRA are cock sucking scumbags, not all Catholics support them. 

So many groups with so many idiot names to mention. Sometimes you just have to stop and think, 'putting this bomb on this busy street, is that really the right thing to do?' ... the answer is no, no matter how great you think yer cause it. 
  Where is the outrage?
The Beatles had a couple of catchy tunes, they weren't no One Direction or Justin Bieber but they were ok. 
If that dentist fucker with Lennon's tooth clones him Old Knudsen will have to go shoot him meself. Imagine all the people .... don't fucking tell me what to do you unwashed hippy!

Yes I do understand that a cloned John Lennon might not be anything like the original. Old Knudsen made a ton of clones of himself in the early 90's and most of them didn't want have threesomes .... fucking ghey if you ask me. 

Tuesday, 27 August 2013

Don't Mute The Skin Flute

The earliest record of circumcision cums from a tomb in ancient Egypt 2400–2300 BCE. The usual theory for this procedure was hygiene in that sandy environment but considering it takes more time to brush yer teeth than clean yer lad, that doesn't really .... stand up to scrutiny .

Do men who are not intact not clean their cock then? 

Other theories point to circumcision being done as either a rite of passage or as a sign of status. Human sacrifice was not known to be done in ancient Egypt but this could have been done for that.   

Egyptian dentists used to suggest putting half a freshly-killed hot mouse in your mouth to cure bad breath.... they were nucking futs!

I wonder who the first person was that decided to lob off the foreskin. I bet it was someone who either didn't have a penis, couldn't use their penis or lost their foreskin in an accident and so talked others into getting rid of theirs.

"Yeah I wanted to see how tough I was so I cut me foreskin off, fuck I'm tough, you couldn't do it yer too much of a wimp."

Oh yeah, I'll show you! 
Incas, Aztecs and Mayans did circumcision probably to test bravery and endurance, and its use later evolved into a rite of initiation. Ok you win, yer braver than me .... but I enjoy sex more, HA!

The Jews probably got circumcision from the Egyptians, I say this because those born in the wilderness after wandering for 40 years (it's not that big a place) were intact and had to under go this mutilation. "I wandered the fucking desert for 40 years man and boy and you want to do what with my cock?"

When crazy ol Abraham was hearing voices, telling him to kill his son Isaac as a sacrifice an angel stopped him just in time and said just lob off his foreskin instead, God will be happy enough with that blood sacrifice but you have to promise to keep sacrificing foreskins for ever more.

Abraham was happy enough to do that and after several bloody tries he figured out what a foreskin was and got it.

After that the Jews knew who their own people were and so could smite the other tribes who weren't ghey for God.
Of course Muslims also circumcise because of the close links their religion has with Judaism.... well that explains all the anger in the Middle east.    

 The skin does retract ya know, not my fault you don't know what yer doing. 

When  Alexander the Great conquered the middle east he brought with him some Greek ideas like 'foreskins are cool' later on the Romans banned circumcision so the Jews adapted by just taking a tiny bit off the top and pulling their skin doon to hide it. The Jewish leaders didn't like that and said 'fuck you we're cutting the whole lot off, lets revolt!' ..... so it wasn't for hygiene it was for spite.  How can you reason with people like that?

Something creepy about circumcision, it says to babies, "welcome to the world, a place where you don't have a say and that any moment you'll be held down and brutalized even by those who claim to love you."

"Oh and enjoy yer dried up penis and lessened sexual sensation. You also have to use an artificial lubricant for sex or jerking off. You may also lose the desire for sex and suffer from ED in later years but hey, look on the bright side, when yer sexually aroused you won't feel wet .... that kind of thing is for weemen anyway."

Good news about weemen though. Egypt’s Health Ministry banned female circumcision (when a women’s clitoris is removed) in 1996, except in cases of emergency. This loophole, however, is so vague that female genital mutilation is still virtually universal in Egypt.

The US outlawed female genital mutilation in 1997 because it is an inhumane act ... not because it was common sense, male circumcision is dying out there because health care costs so much. Even the men that want their son to be like them think twice when they are told they have to pay.

Male circumcision is very ingrained in the American psyche and seen as normal to those who see nothing wrong with choosing for others whether they like it or not.  

Cheaper to get tats.
The Jews continue to do it even though Leviticus tells them not to mark or cut their skin. Rabbis have claimed that the foreskin is a redundant organ and so if removed then the person will be complete .... yes retarded thinking like that has gotten you kicked around Europe and the Middle east for centuries.

I'm not being anti-semitic I'm being anti-moron.  God made you in his image, perfect and intact, away an cut off yer eyelids too.

Well it's not just Christians who are interested in children's cocks it's the whole God bothering lot. Tune in on Sundays for hot weemen to tempt you away from the kiddies.  

Go ask Rabbi Yitzchok Fischer how many babies die during unnecessary circumcision, one death is too many. He cuts off the foreskin then sucks the babies cock to get rid of the bad blood, if he passes on his herpes .... well thats god's fault. Even after knowing hes infected he still performs them.

Queen Victoria got it into her head she was descended from the mythological King David and promoted circumcision for royalty.  King George I got the newly born princes cut to show that they were people of status .... a crown and a posh accent wasn't enough I suppose, inbred idiots.

Baby Prince Charles was cut in 1948 by a rabbi, as were his two brothers. Princess Di was against the idea but was she man enough to say "NO" back then?

Circumcision was claimed to cure syphilis, epilepsy, hernia, headache, clubfoot, alcoholism, gout and stopped sinful masturbation .... That was by the repressed Victorians. Today the medical profession flip flops on the issue one minute saying it's unnecessary and then saying but it prevents heterosexual infection of HIV in Africa ..... most African and South American tests are well dodgy with many getting shut down on ethical grounds. You got two men, one mutilated and the other intact, they have to fuck weemen infected with HIV to see which one gets infected first ..... we'll do 100 of these tests and we'll watch and film them all.

One third of the males worldwide are circumcised and most of those are because their parent's imaginary friend told them to do it.

Don't get Old Knudsen wrong, children are hateful mean little fuckers .... but Old Knudsen will defend their rights, only because they can't.

Monday, 26 August 2013

Uncron Rises

Meagan Fox will take the female acting lead of the next Transformers movie Uncron Rises, a new film with a new director this will be a last ditch effort to revive her career or else she'll have to go into porn.