Sunday, 31 March 2013

What A Yolk

The true meaning of Easter .... Zombie Jesus. 

Listen up Christians, lay off the children today and look at these eggs. 

Saturday, 30 March 2013

Pumping Ron

There is something wrong with bodybuilders. Looking good is one thing and then it falls over the edge into homo denial land. Banana hammocks with tiny walnuts inside them and oiled up skin and throbbing veins. "Hey I like yer really tight gluts" ..... "get away from me dude."   

Weemen can look good until they reach the stage where they are more man then the men. When it becomes an obsession and a career I suppose that is the time to ask, "what am I trying to blot out?"

No one goes on about body building addiction until the roid rage makes them kill their families. It's just a substitute for food, alcohol, drugs, smoking .. whatever.  If you walk like you are carrying a TV under each arm then maybe it's time for an intervention.

Jesus Loved His Easter Eggs

Just remember the true meaning of Easter as found in the scriptures. For kicks because there was no TV back then, Jesus made his pet rabbit lay eggs just so he could laugh at the painful yelps from the creature. He'd then boil the eggs and roll them doon hills while eating chocolate. Rough housing and having a ghey old time with his 12 butch buddies.


Easter isn't mentioned anywhere, it's a pagan celebration for Eostre the Goddess of spring ya silly fuckers. Why the fuck would there be eggs and rabbits in a Jesus story? It's about the rebirth of nature.  

No, what you have from Christianity is a gruesome tale of fucking zombies instead!

Friday, 29 March 2013


The Goddess of spring Eostre (or Ostara) comforts poor wee Jesus who according to myth was tortured to death. "My poor boy why did they do this to you? Why didn't you just vanish? It sounds like your father may of had something to do with this, you were set up honey child. Spring or in my name 'Easter' is about the rebirth of nature not the slaughter of demi-gods. Its about fertility (rabbits) and about birth (eggs) it's about the land coming back to life and the animals breeding. Lets give thanks for this with a celebration around the spring Equinox."   

Only the fucking Christians would make it about betrayal, torture and death. There is a resurrection at the end and a promise to return that was never fulfilled .... or if it was we probably killed him/her again.
Eat yer chocolate egg and celebrate the true meaning of Easter ... in her name.

Buddhist Spides On the Rampage

Buddhist monks in Sri Lanka attacked a clothing store as a way to get at the lifestyles of Muslims, thats a very no balls Northern Ireland type thing to do. We'll show them, we'll fuck up their building .... except the monks don't hide their faces. The monks who are the religious majority think they can bully the other people who share their land, sound familiar?  Fuck up people, it's Easter!

Jim Allister Cunt Of The Year

Jim Allister is a Unionist politician and elected representative in Northern Ireland. A bit of a self important blowhard whose ego smells like egg and onion. He has delicately stepped in to support the fleggers as the police have arrested and scared off the ones before him. He doesn't say outrageous things and so isn't really causing waves.

Then you get to Facebook and find him in groups along with many other elected officials in government jobs and see that the group says, 'Taigs are not welcome' on it's public page.

Wow Mr Allister yer a real balls out sectarian cunt. Why don't you go and give legal advice to the fleggers next.... he did but it isn't as it seems.

Mr Allister may be a bigoted cunt but hes a playa. The fleggers have been played since day one and Allister is just doing his part too.
Why don't you tell them that it's legal to protest on the white lines in the centre of the road, thats a good one, go on tell them to be polite but stand their ground.

Yes we all know what will happen. I hope Allister gave them other words of wisdom and legal advice, hes a sneaky bastard that one, and unlike the fleggers he'll go far.


Face It Loser

Billy Gibby started selling space on his face for advertising tattoos in 2007...... well it beats getting a real job.
Now he kinda got sick of having these tats, most of which advertise porn sites on his face, for the life of me I can't understand why.

I bet it really attracted the weemen. 

As do the red eyes, "Boy look at that hot guy with the face tattoos I bet hes got a great job and is a real intellectual" said no one ever.

Mr Gibby blames getting tattoo upon tattoo on him being Bi-polar....... except while you can be impulsive being Bi-polar it does not necessarily make you as dumb as fuck. Cannot see on his head.

Speaking of dumb as fuck, remember these two? 

Face tattoos do not influence Old Knudsen to surf porn sites, his raging horn does. 

To pay for the $4000 tattoo removal, Gibby will get advertising tattoos on his hands arms and legs. Hey um Gibby, you know that thing about being dumb as fuck? ...... you've gone way past that now.

To make sure you have all the facts about Mr Gibby maybe I should tell you what he changed his name to, Hostgator Dotcom ..... well Billy Gibby did sound really silly. 

Thursday, 28 March 2013

What If Goddess Was One Of Oz?

A pretty gurl, in a nice swimsuit, nothing wrong here ..... Blasphemous I say! wha? Blasphemous camel toed hoor!

Some Indians (not sure which tribe) took objection to an Australian fashion show when one of the swimsuits showed Hindu goddess Lakshmi. For fucks sake people, stop burning the flegs all ready, what are ya Muslims or Loyalists or something? behave like sensible people for once.

Well her arse is a bit flat so I do see yer cause for outrage.

 Show our ways respect as we see it or we'll fuck up yer flegs!
Just too many crazy, stupid, angry people around. Why won't the government reinstate Old Knudsen's license to kill like he had in the olden days?

I wouldn't have given this swimsuit a second thought but now that I realise it offends people, Old Knudsen will be wearing it at Browns Bay this year.  Take that ya curry lovers!

Thats How I Scroll

Isn't life wonderful? You start by clicking on a news story and then inspired you go off on a Google search to find a nice wee pair of boobies with inverted nipples belonging to Jessica Brown Findlay who is a pretty lass on that shite show Doonton abbey. 

She says she regrets showing her baps.

We all do things we regret such as I regret scrolling doon and seeing this slapper. Her name is Katie Price and shes famous for......?  Being a slapper.  Do her legs spring open when she lies on her back I wonder?

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

A Blind Man With A Rubber Glove Walks Into A Barn

The following story is not made up, it's true.... no seriously it's true. I could just quote the Belfast Telegraph word for word and you' d probably think Old Knudsen still made it up.

Anthony Morris is a 44 year-old man from County Tyrone, Northern Ireland. Hes totally blind in one eye and partially sighted in the other .... poor guy.  Don't feel too sorry for him he has had convictions for burglary, firearms, theft and traffic violations also he 'looks' like a pikey.

Morris was discovered by a farmer who had gone to investigate noises in his barn in the early hours of the morning on March 18 last year.  Morris tried to hide but the farmer and his brother grabbed him and pinned him doon until the peelers to got there.

Now the crazy shit.  While held doon he put on a foreign accent and said: “Me-me-steal-ear-tags. Me-me-look-at-tags."
He had a torch (flashlight) strapped to his head and was carrying blue rope and a pen knife, he was also wearing a body warmer stolen from the farmer’s lorry week before.

He wore a mask and had a wooden pole and rubber glove in his pocket.

You may jump to some sick conclusions but I'm sure he had some perfectly good reasons for having those things.   

He wore a balaclava, made from the leg of old tracksuit bottoms, it was really a “face warmer” he had lifted it by mistake instead of a woollen cap ..... cos hes blind you see. The cow was going to be a willy warmer I suppose.

Why was he carrying a wooden shaft I wonder? that was to help him keep his balance because medication made him dizzy. It can be quite difficult wandering around the cuntry in the dark breaking into barns.

The rubber glove was already in the body warmer..... yeah sure it was.

He always carries a pen knife ... thats to open food for his 17 cats ..... WTF? crazy cat man with a penis that smells like Whiskas.

Morris claims he did all of this because some guy with what felt like a gun told him to do it as he claimed that the farmer stole some cattle. Aye thats what you do, you force some bloke who can hardly see to break into a barn to go look at ear tags.

Glad to see Morris' limited vision doesn't stop him from riding his motorcycle though.

None of the cattle were harmed so well done farmer and bro. Really Tony, what the fuck were you going which the pole and rubber glove? ..... we need to know ..... please tell us!    

Morris is out on bail until sentenced so lock up yer cattle, the blind ninja of animal love could be anywhere.

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Muzzies Out This Is Monks Town

Plenty of violence going on in Sri Lanka between the Buddhists and the Muslims. The Buddhist  Sinhalese majority have gone into 'we feel threatened' mode and are urged by a hard line group the Buddhist Strength Force (BSF) not to rent property to Muslims as they are having too many children, converting people and building mosques. BSF? sounds like a cow disease or old British brand of tape recorder or something.
What is it with groups and their acronyms? Join my 'Too Many Groups Using Stupid Acronyms Action Force' or TMGUSAAF ... if I was clever I would have gotten it to spell something but you won't catch Old Knudsen being clever. 

Since the Tamils were defeated in 2009 the people need something else to worry about. You can see parallels in other countries like this with majorities trying to keep others from other religions down.

Here we see a couple of teenage Muslim gurls accused of watching pornography .... beat them good! Filthy minded trollops, oh is that a belt? good man, now say, "hey, mind if I join in?" Why of earth would you be worried about Muslims? it's not like they are all terrorists who beat weemen?

A Sri Lankan Orangeman assuring the crowd that it could be worse, it could be Catholics not Muslims ..... Catholics can turn into giant spiders that rape domestic pets with their two pronged genitals... the females lay their eggs in the mouths of sleeping old people.... According to the scared text of Loyal Orange Lodge or LOL 69.
Lemurs are worse than anything with their big bulging eyes that silently judge you .... Did I tell you about the time Old Knudsen saved John Barrowman from certain Lemur death? Ya can't even walk through Central park anymore without getting attacked, even the muggers are afraid.

Luckily Old Knudsen was going through a phase in which he thought he was Aragorn from Lord of the dance and hacked yon creatures to bits sending them back to Hell. Barrowman and I became lovers for a brief time .... until I found out he was ghey. Old Knudsen don't swing that way.

Don't you just love all of these religions of peace and love? I'm just so glad that so many find comfort in them while looking for someone else to blame for all of their woes. Praise be cos we be the ones who are right!


Monday, 25 March 2013

Awkward Flegger Photos

Before the sudden love of flegs the fleggers were yer average dumb bigot who got their 5 a day in inches up their holes. Eating vegetables is just wrong. You don't see Jesus eating veggies, hes all into fish suppers and sandals.

The Willie Frazer Story will be followed by a prequel 'Willie Frazer Space Command' in which Ryan Gosling plays a young Willie.

While Jamie Bryson is serving his time in prison for shite stirring hes learning the electric guitar so he can take his band 'SuperFleg' on tour if he ever gets freed ..... except all he has is a banjo so he has to pretend... hes good at that. 

Since the fleg came doon the fleggers have become restless, on non-designated fleg flying days they can be seen loving their teddies for comfort. 

Of course younger fleggers are too cool for teddies and chose something else. Flat cap = I luv the battle of the Somme by the way.
Heres UVF hardman Colin (The Stapler) Simpson with his cat Fleg .... oh come on what else was it going to be called?

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Sunday Tempting

Yet another post to tempt Christians away from abusing children by showing them sexy weemen.

Hey Christians it's ok to be ghey just remember to keep it between adults.

Saturday, 23 March 2013

Hand's Of

The Queen wants her fleg back but a minority of Ulster says NO!

Opening A Flegger's Head

Why does Cletus the flegger need the fleg over Belfast city hall so much? He never noticed it before, if he says it's stripping away his Britishness and culture then that just goes to show how insecure Cletus is.

The grand standing of their band parades are certainly not British .... they are Irish, northern Irish.

In other cuntries a parade is a nice event and fun for all the family. Trumpets, balloons, waving from the backs of convertible cars. 

Over here, a parade is watching miserable fat blokes trying too look tough while wearing a funny costumes. Orangemen in their badly fitting suits giving dirty looks to anyone that looks at them ... and they are in the fucking parade. 
Not the happy feel of carnival, more like a rally for Nazi brown shirts. 

A lot of people are not deep or self aware and look for outside things to fix their lives like drink, drugs, oppressing others or even a fleg.

Old Knudsen's advice to the fleggers, it doesn't matter what others do, wear yer union jack undercackers and feel British, people can only strip you of how British you feel if you give them the power to do so.
Paddy having a large tricolour shouldn't upset you unless you let it then that just means you have a personal problem to sort out.

This doesn't upset Old Knudsen who has served in the military on the streets of Belfast, in fact this makes Old Knudsen a little anxious in the trooser region if you know what he means.

Flying the fleg on 18 days the way the Queen wants it to fly makes Old Knudsen feel more British cos she is my Queen.
Flying it 365 days a year makes it seem like something you leave out to rot and forget about. You don't even notice the Royal days. A flag makes you ask, "Whats so special about today then? oh one of the Queen's birthdays... cool."
Think about things more and think who is using you. I wouldn't feel less British, I'd feel mad at my own people. 

Telling A Yarn About Sheep Loving

 Ballymena yokels looking for soft warm sex and tractors.

Soft warm sex.

= sheep babies .... disgusting!

Real Zombies Don't Let A Little Snow Stop Them

Ya, lets parade then ve dance!