Wednesday, 30 October 2013

The True History Of Halloween

 The gathering at Stonehenge where the virgin gets twerked over the sacred rock.

Halloween or O'Hallowean in ancient Celtic is a celebration that many evangelical Protestant fundies would like to see vanish.

They would also like to see the poofs vanish too.

The reason they would like that is either cos it's Catholic or it's Pagan ... ya know like that cunt Harry Potter who encourages children to play with their wands and worship Satan.

In the US it's bam, bam, bam in the shops. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas out on the shelves in rapid succession. In Northern Ireland it's trickle, trickle .... blah. Halloween taking over from the gardening clearance goods and hey, is that Christmas decorations at the end of the aisle?   

No Thanksgiving means that Christmas shows up way early. Christmas is of course a Pagan celebration stolen by Christians, as is Halloween but the Christians this time were Catholics and so the Prods just want to gloss over it.
All saints day my arse. One of the holy days of obligation being the 1st November when Fenians have to go to mass or their tails start to burn ..... aye all these celebrations only took off in the US when the stigma of being Catholic was gone.

You can tell a lot about a culture in what it does or doesn't do.

Many of the Saints of old were Pagan gods or spirits now rewritten to suit a new audience. St Brigit or Brighid being a fine example.
Brighid was a fire goddess in the Tuatha Dé Danann (the people of Danu). She was the wife of Bes the god of inappropriate laughing, it is thought that while she watched over farmers, boatmen and children with abusive parents she also healed with many holy wells that bear her name.

Loki or Logi sure had an imagination, if it wasn't for him/her the Norse gods would have fuck all to do.

When Gods are connected with fire is can also mean inspiration and light can mean truth .... see Loki and Lucifer for reference. Brighid being a fire goddess thought for herself and didn't go along with what the sheeple were told.

Back to Halloween. It is written on the ancient Celtic stones of Carnac .... France, as there used to be a land bridge from France to Ireland in prehistoric times that Sam Hain a poor beggar went from door to door in each town doing magic tricks and sleight of hand tricks for any treats the home owner could spare.
For some reason he usually only appeared at the end of the harvest when people where storing food in preparation for winter. Some say he had a job doon south picking grapes or something.

    Sam Hain begging for treats.

Sam used a carved turnip to light his way on the dark nights. One night he called at a wealthy land owner's hoose and the owner having heard about Sam was very interested in his tricks. The land owner kept trying to figure out how Sam was doing the tricks but couldn't. Sam who had amassed lots of treats from the land owner was growing tired but obliged with his tricks until ..... a coin he had hidden up his sleeve rolled onto the ground.

The landowner grabbed his pitchfork and his henchmen and chased Sam Hain into the dark night. Sam Shouted back "I only wanted some food" and then "fuck this lantern for it's lack of light, I knew I should have carved a smiley face" Sam tripped and fell off a steep cliff and plunged into the sea below to his death.

The landowner laughed his evil laugh at Sam Hain's misfortune, but then....
 Appearing in front of the landowner was a 7 foot creature that smelled like turnip. "You fool!" it bellowed "I am not Sam Hain but am really Samitara who is older than the stars and as cranky as a woman on her period if crossed."

 The landowner was sore afraid.

"Every day on this date .... um it's the 31st right?" the landowner nodded. "I shall make thin the veil that separates this world and the world of the dead and you shall not laugh at them as you have done tonight, you shall honour the dead and respect those asking for treats on this night."

The landowner and his henchmen committed all that to memory.  Samitara continued, "and you shall carve turnips so the spirits can find their way to you .... no, scratch that turnips are shite for light and very hard work to carve, use pumpkins, just buy some off the Vikings."

"You shall dine with the spirits of yer loved ones in silence in a dumb supper .... nah call it a dumb dinner."

"One more thing cunt breath, yer children shall dress as the gods of old or like some cool superhero or something or yer milk will sour, yer crops will fail and the winter cold shall shake yer bones, WINTER IS COMING!"

And with that the creature vanished, leaving the moral that you should be nice to each other as you never know who is an ancient cranky gog in disguise.

 Yer Ma

The landowner went on to exploit this celebration of the dead and because it was children going door to door he called it O'Hallowean which translates into Oh hello weans (hello children) he set up a shop selling costumes and pumpkin carving sets etc  and grew very rich until he died in a jet-ski accident on his 80th birthday which some reckoned it was the curse of Sam Hain.

So celebrate the spirits on this hallowed eve and through to the dawn or just put a mask on and get blootered on the 31st some time, the spirits will find you no matter.
Beware of those who visit and leave them an offering or treat for if you anger the spirits, cursed you shall be.   

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