Monday, 21 October 2013

Flip Flops And Death Threats

Remember that time I took a flip flop covered in anthrax for our beloved president Bush? I got the medal of honor, valor and freedom, only two other people have ever gotten that medal, actor Audie Murphy and L.A. cop Martin Riggs. I also got a year's subscription to 'ladies of Homeland Security' which I only read for the articles.

The how to get various stains out of Micro Suede article was very helpful. 

I didn't have time to think when that flip flop came flying at the president my training just kicked in ..... I'm just glad they didn't use crocs or I wouldn't be here today. 

So yer man Bob Geldof the lead singer for the bum town cats, multimillionaire with his own media company and real estate assets and total fucking astronaut ..... well right now hes just a space cadet as he hasn't had his flight up to space yet, has asked me to guard his skinny pasty white boney body. 

In most of the world to 'do' someone is to shag them, for example 'I'd totally do her over a wheelie bin I don't care if it's raining and my cock is dipping green puss' In Northern Ireland it means to kill or at least fuck up some one which isn't sexual either despite the name.... ach sex/violence they usually both hurt and end in crying so whatever. 

Sir Bob said that terrorism was cowardly and didn't think much of our very important flag issue. "It can’t be about something as preposterous as a flag. To nail your identity to a piece of cloth that has three colours or four colours. Do us a favour. It gets tiresome."

He says that a bomber who blew himself up can't be compare to an ordinary person in the street as hes a selfish fanatical prick and ha ha hes dead, thats fucking karma right there .... I paraphrased that bit.
He did say:

"They are slightly emotionally imbalanced clearly if they feel it is alright to kill a child, a man. Why would you possibly do that over something that is not worth the death of a human being. I despise that stuff, Nationalism, terrorism, killing other people. I don’t think you need help in understanding why killing another person for some spurious political end isn’t loathsome, cowardly ultimately."

Some Flegger/keyboard warrior put a fatwa onto Sir Bob, "NO ONE CALLS 4 PIECE AN INSALTS THE FLEG ON MY WATCH. YOUR DEAD U FENIAN CUNT YEEEOOOWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   

Oh no, fleggers are really tough an shit, remember yon time they were going to celebrate their culture but called it off because the weather was bad? .... aye like ya need good weather to suck in yer fat gut and saunter around the streets like a tough guy giving dirty looks to everyone. 

Here is a flegger in a rare moment of tenderness as he gets a happy meal for his flegger childer. 

Fleggers usually avoid human contact in case they give away their underclass poorly educated status but will grow bold in large numbers. 

Old Knudsen isn't too worried about them, Geldof was right, the flag people are stupid and terrorists are cowards. 
Killing innocent people, even your own people to achieve a united Ireland ..... how did that work out for you? Yer scum and so are the people who mourn you, might as well give the incompetent bombers 72 virgins too cos yer just like yon Islamists.  
Those who riot against the police and destroy Northern Ireland's economy over flegs and the imaginary attacks on their culture are scum, pawns of asswipe drug dealing paramilitaries and others who want to make a name in politics. 

I hate to do it but I agree with Geldof. Then again Geldof told the Arabs to stop having children which is funny and something else Old Knudsen can agree with. 

No seriously ya cheeky Arabs, stop breeding.

Geldof was at the Gulf Intelligence Food Security Forum held in the United Arab Emirates and told them to stop their dirty fucking around ...... not in those words and it wasn't just aimed at the Arabs. Maybe he should look to his native Ireland for bringing about some birth control. 

The world's population is growing too fast and by 2050 it will be at 10 billion which means we'll have to increase agricultural production by 70% and the water available has dropped 75% since 1950 and what will golf courses do then, play on astro turf ? Not to mention the groundskeepers being out of jobs and a decrease in lawn mower sales ..... we're looking at the perfect storm unless you durty buggers keep the snake in the cage.  

Eco factories in Germany making clean white fluffy clouds.
Bob is concerned with the effect of climate change too "This is not a cycle, not just a fluctuation, it's the end."
Even with the billions of pounds, Euros and stones or whatever the Arabs barter with that were invested in green measures to combat climate change such as the fluffy cloud factories Geldof spoke of gloom and doom ... that miserable fucker isn't getting invited to any of my parties. 

The Dalai Lama .... if that is even his real name agreed with Sir Bob and used his non-threatening smile and fortune cookie wisdom to make the point. 

"If we are to live on flags and hatred of the past then all we hunger for is pain, if we are to live on fornicating with each other and raping the earth then all we will hunger for is that which shall kill us, the flower's petals are bound to fall to the ground so why don't you all just fuck up and free Tibet, I used to live like a god for fucks sake."  


Loyalists are a fanatical bunch, always ready to exploit a situation in some poorly thought out and violent way. Such as painting over a George Best mural and putting up a tiny mouthed UVF scumbag with a Martin Luther King quote ...... ya know, MLK the guy who was against violence and for peaceful protest, not Loyalist peaceful protest but real peaceful protest.

Here we have Orangeman Nelson McCauseland the Minister for Social Development in the Northern Ireland ..... well that explains why we haven't progressed any. He has put the blood stained brick that struck his pal Nigel Dodds on the head on E-bay as the Orange Order need to raise more funds for their winter offensive against the police and poor Nelson can only skim so much off his budget without getting caught.  

I shall not be accepting the Geldof job as I am still locked in a contract protecting Edwin Poots. 


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