Monday, 30 September 2013

Geldof Takes My Flag Into Space

Secret flegger Bob Geldof wears the flag proudly ..... for a Fenian cock sucker.

Bob Geldof has completed his first training flight simulation of the XCOR Lynx spacecraft. The mission is to land on asteroid TCU-14 later in the year and mine the fuck out of it.

The former pop star is said to be very excited about going up into space and even became a British citizen, relinquishing his Irish citizenship in order to qualify for the position.

"It's such a great opportunity to wear a flight suit and aviator glasses" said the multi millionaire as he posed for photographs.  

Bono turned up with a starving African, that man is such a downer.


Banbridge, Like Ballymena But Worse

Ballymena may be a rural town full of junkie farmer sheep shaggers preaching about Gog, well there is one place far worse ....... Banbridge.

Twinned with Hell there is a rift to the underworld within it's Town hall guarded by evil Loyalist demons. Adolf Hitler lived in Banbridge for 7 years and wrote his book of poems Of Dreams and Stardust at the Banbridge Starbucks.

I had a little dog,
Whose name was Waggy Doo,
He'd bite the unpure,
From Jew down to hoor,
And sometimes the odd Polack too. 

While his poetry flowed very well and was outstanding, receiving worldwide acclaim it is not what people remember him for.

Because of these links to Naziland holding an Oktoberfest in the town seemed obvious,  Belfast is getting one and Hitler hated that place.

But no. The DUP in the Banbridge council refused to approve a drinks license.

DUP Councillor Junior McCrum said,“I don’t think it was the sort of thing Banbridge needed.”  

Well said, who the fuck wants big pints of beer served by big titty weemen?  

He also said "Does everything have to evolve around drink?" Um you live in Northern Ireland, we're so uptight we have to get drunk to have a good time..... what else is there? 

The festival was to be held in Solitude Park which used to be a place that staged dog against hobo fights and drink til you boak nights in the park. Now no alcohol is allowed in Solitude park and once the DUP decide something they can't change it. Adapting is too much like evolving which the DUP don't believe in. 

 This is what the DUP do want.

Why would Northern Ireland not allow abortion or ghey marriage when the rest of the UK does allow it? ..... Shariah law as mentioned in the 1690 revised edition Orange Order Bible.

Blessed are the sheep worriers
According to the Bible you can kill a woman and get away with it but if you kill a sheep heavy restitution must be made. 

The DUP want you worshiping Gog on Sundays, persecuting any other religion, keeping weemen in their place and doing as you are told.  Even if it's stupid and counterproductive. 

They ensure their family and friends get jobs and government contracts and cut essential programs to the poor and needy..... do old people really need rest homes? ..... do people really need clean hospitals? ...... do schools really need funding?

Bread and circuses is what the DUP offer and due to cutbacks there is no more bread.

Sexy Loyalist weemen.
The good news is that there are plenty of clowns. Funding hospitals, schools and housing leaves less money for flute bands and that is not acceptable.  
Having fun is forbidden unless it's Gog or flag fun....... do people really want an aquarium (Exploris) to visit with their kids for an educational and fun day out?
 Topless weemen dancing in fields sounds like Satanism to me.

Anyone found twerking will be burned at the stake.... I think we can agree on that one.  

Peace is not on their agenda as they have learned that the more trouble they get their followers to do they get more money from London.

First they get rid of the beer tents and then it's science. They want creationist views available where ever theres a museum or natural history exhibit. Six billion years? wise up that has to be 6 thousand years, we're no stupid.

Loyalists are natural leaders and should decide which way Northern Ireland is going. You can put yer future in their hands/hand.

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Sunday Slap

So I wandered in from the pub after celebrating Ulster day, aye it was a great event, thousands of people unwittingly showing their support for the UVF terrorists by celebrating the original UVF from WWI who were sectarian bigots, not terrorists.

Old Knudsen was so caught up in the day that he forgot to have a Sunday post.

Some of yous just read me blog for the Sunday slappers but Old Knudsen doesn't care, hes had the fame and adulation over the years, hes already told the jokes you are telling today and think you made up.
Hes seen the rise and fall of trends, now he is content with putting out hot naked weemen to tempt away Christian pedos from the childer.

Look at these goddesses, don't listen to yer Bible yer Koran or even the neighbor's dog. Sex with consenting adults good, sex with vulnerable children bad. 

Who gives a fuck what Jesus or Mohammed tapped all those years ago? they were very bad men.

Well that escalated quickly.
As Old Knudsen sits here with his cheap vodka and loaded service revolver in the wee hours of the morning he thinks that maybe there is a tad too much Loyalist culture, I bet while the culture goes on thats when the likes of the UVF make their money with smuggled ciggies, children, petrol and drugs. If they legalized cigarettes,children, petrol and drugs then you wouldn't have this criminal behaviour.

Saucy weemen and loyal pet dogs make this life bearable, I'll put me revolver away for now .... on second thoughts there are a lot of sirens out tonight I think Lola will be coming to bed with Old Knudsen.
Enjoy yer Sunday, Old Knudsen will be in a foul mood and I don't mean craving for KFC, get it foul/fowl ach fuck off ya humourless flegger.

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Jamie Bryson Is Shameless

A question: Did Gog decide in all her greatness to make some humans so pathetic that the only thing they can ever be in life is a laughing stock?

Maybe someone should tell them. 

If she did make Loyalist mongs on purpose she sure did a great job. Sorry what was that, respect yer culture? sure I will as soon as you respect the law and stay the fuck out of my sight.

Loyalists are not known for having a great sense of humour but if you can't laugh with them then feel free to laugh at them, they sure do entertain.

Friday, 27 September 2013

That Skull And Cross Bones Is Upside Down

Willie 'razor's edge' Frazer has announced he'll be appearing as Patchy the pirate for his next court hearing ...... because he likes to dress up.

Addicted To Panto

Comedy duo Willie Frazer and Jamie Bryson attended court today for Frazer's charge of incitement to violence.
Frazer had said he would dress as fellow radical fundamentalist and friend Abu Hamza who faced similar charges. Mr Frazer believes the charges are a disgrace and that he and Mr Hamza are innocent.

Jamie Bryson took the opportunity to display his love of the Twilight movies and dressed as Bella which was incidentally his nickname while in prison. Bryson lives and breathes Twilight and wants to be a sparkly vampire when he grows up.

Fellow Loyalist Jim Dowson often posed as a gurl named Alice to get quick online kicks so it is not a surprise that Bryson has also cum out.

It is thought that Bryson wore tape over his mouth while dressed as a gurl to give the message 'nil by mouth, deliveries round the back'  he has just had some tongue surgery done to try to correct his lisp and so his mouth is out of order for now.

Stick A Plug In It

Plumber and aquarium shop operator David Justino aged 44 is a hero, no doubt about that but I just wish he'd shut the fuck up.

A British tourist Sian Green was walking in Midtown Manhattan when a taxi cab mounted the sidewalk, hit and almost killed her.
The cab drove by Faysal Himon who may or may not be a terrorist was aiming at a bike messenger he had just argued with but hit Green instead and severed her foot which resulted in part of her leg being amputated.

While the people of New York taped the carnage on their phones and updated Twitter, Justino rushed forward and put a tourniquet around her leg with his belt saving her from bleeding to death.

  Foot model Sian Green has had her work cut down by 50%

Justino received some attention for being a hero and even had 21 August named David Justino day. Soon afterwards he was fired from his plumbing job at Bass Plumbing and Heating Corp. Plumbing foreman Justino was one of three union plumbers laid off due to lack of jobs but Justino has decided it was because they didn't like the attention he got.

Oh c'mon, were the other two heroes as well? Justino should know after an accident like that 'shit happens' there are plenty of heroes that have lost far more and you don't hear them making their former employers look like dicks and whining in the media about it, yes you do have a mortgage to pay and it was pretty lousy timing but really shut up!

"I wasn't going to let that cab take her life. God's biggest gift is life … I wouldn't let this thing happen. Not on my watch."

That is really nice, quite noble ..... and also.

"I should have kept on walking like everybody else. I'd be putting in pipe instead of worrying about paying my bills."   

I put in pipe ..... just ask yer Ma.

I'm sure the girl will feel really happy about that, now on top of her whole world upside doon and having to walk with a plastic leg she has guilt about being the reason you lost yer job.
If yer a good plumber and don't get on like a self-entitled cock head you'll be fine and will get another job.

Bass Plumbing has said:

“In no way did the attention or time spent with the media cause any problem for the company.”

I would have thought that having a hero plumber in yer company would be a bonus, unless of course he was a slack fucker who got on like a twat. Justino did have some personality issues with his supervisor but really, if there was so much work going around then why are you working in a pet shop too?

It was bad timing for getting fired..... No one gets fired for being a hero.  

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Ian Paisley Jr Says "No Nepotism In The DUP, Just Ask My Da"

Nepotism is a national past time in Northern Ireland. You deal with someone incredibly stupid that doesn't know their job and you think, 'I wonder who they are related to in order to get this job.'

Recently an SDLP politician Conall McDevitt was found to be hiring his wife as a researcher, he also had other sneaky income he didn't declare and resigned. 

Now we get DUP politician Robin Newton who not only employs his wife but also his son. He used to employ his daughter but the rules "toughened" and so he had to fire the bitch ..... he never liked her anyway. 
Back to the pole with ya 

They always use the excuse, 'they were the best people for the role' well wasn't it lucky Mr Newton found 3 people perfect for the job and what a happy coincidence they were all his family.   

Every Little Helps At Tesco

If you want me this is where I'll be ..... you may want to avoid aisle seven, I had a curry last night.

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Getting A Bit Mouthy

Old Knudsen has looked at this badly painted mural and wondered, 'who the fuck looks like that?'

UVF bomber Donald Reid has a pretty close likeness to the mysterious masked man beside the MLK  quote.
MLK did demand freedom but in a peaceful manner, never did he once wear a mask or use a gun ... and he won.
He never sold drugs, ciggies or petrol either BTW and thats why the UVF will lose, cos they are common criminals, nothing more. 

Ulster Day Is So Ghey

The one with the ring has to be an ugly woman. Our weemen can pass as men 97% of the time. 
Yet another loyalist parade in Belfast this weekend. Glasgow limits the amount of city centre parades that are allowed hint hint @Belfast.
On Saturday a UVF parade to mark both the centenary of the UVF and 101st anniversary of the signing of the Ulster Covenant.

Ulster day on Saturday is for those brave Irish men who rebelled against the tryranical English King .... John who wanted evil monkey overlords from Dublin to rule Ulster.

When they had no English to kill they joined up for WWI to kill Germans instead. They joined the 36th cannon fodder regiment and did their job well.

They died in Flanders fields .... or nearby, as many other better less bitter men and weemen had.

Remember folks, it's not connected to the modern day UVF or the even the EDL .

Nope, no connection at all.

Even if UVF gang member criminal guys lay a wreath, make a speech and then run away into the crowd it doesn't mean that there is any connection or that the modern terrorist UVF run the so-called historical farce shit.

Remember when the Somme was about brave Irishmen fighting Germans with crazy cunt Englishmen using them as fodder? now their memory has been cheapened by these modern UVF cunts so when I think Somme I think modern UVF cunts.

The original UVF men had sided with Kaiser Bill and had gotten weapons from Germany to fight the English.
When Lord Kitchener called the UVF traitors and Hun lovers they joined up to erase their shame. Little did they know that it was a ploy to use up all the German ammo by sending in the Irish.

Soon Kaiser was siding with the other Irish doon south who for some reason resented British rule. Enjoy yer bankruptcy ya Fenian cock suckers.

The UVF scum are expecting 18,000 to 10 million loyalists to turn up for Ulster day with 42 bands, if they do turn up in those numbers we're going to send them to London and deport them to Anthrax island, don't worry, it's just a name ..... more like a small atoll than an island.


Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Kill Yer Speed Not The Children

All the children go and play on a busy motorway.

A council in Leicester .... England, has come up with an interesting way to slow motorists doon. Old Knudsen is a very careful driver, unless something gets in his way.

 Like children ....

Outside a primary school they have put up concrete bollards that resemble children-ish. Aye that is bound to slow you doon as you go WHAT THE FUCK?

Of course people might just aim for them.

People are bound to hit this one and then suddenly everyone is Trayvon again.... yawn!

People have complained that they'll distract drivers and that their eyes are creepy and someone is bound to draw a penis on them at sometime ..... cos thats what they do here. They should have made the kids texting, like they do in real life.

Don't call me creepy, love me....

Like Scarecrows people will adjust to them and then ignore them. Each figure cost the council £350 and is part of an overall road safety initiative costing  £230,000.

Other measures include a  20mph speed limit ..... huh? 10mph would be better but who listens to Old Knudsen? Hes seen a child get hit at a school when the car was doing around 20mph. Do you want to run to yer child lying on the road with her bone sticking out of her leg because car and child were not paying attention?

Use the money to have a cop on hand and that way yer making money and enforcing the law, jobs a good un.

Monday, 23 September 2013

Putting The Ass Into Class

I was sitting in a deck chair enjoying the flowers and the trees of the garden, the singing of the birds and the muffled cries for help from the home owners and I got thinking about the class system. It may seem like a thing of the past but no, it is very real a part of yer life and psyche.

 Northern Ireland has an overwhelming Untouchable caste.
A working class person in a job that doesn't require a shirt and tie goes to doctors or has to talk to government officials or even just yer local Housing Executive officer about a broken window latch or something, they'll find the class system in full swing. 

While there are some valid medical and government employees there seems to be far more tin-pot dictators out to be as of as little help as possible. Looking down on you expecting their every word to be accepted and you to do as yer told. 

Gog forbid you'd question them ..... Old Knudsen loves asking questions, the most commons answers are 'thats how it's done' or 'it's procedure/policy' accompanied with a blank look and apathy then trying to get rid of you. 

Every little fucking thing has to be a struggle and then begrudgingly given once they see you won't give up. Workers appearing at yer door in their time and expecting you to be grateful they turned up at all.... and put the kettle on love. 

The difference in attitude between the US and the UK is that in the US, class is mostly based on how much money you have. In the UK class is usually based on the level of education you have, of course having a white collar or important job means yer obviously the master race too. I.T. people and surgeons think they are gods.

This should say it all. In the US anyone can grow up and be President as long as you were born in the USA. 
  You can't grow up and become the Queen. There can be only one. 

No not that queen, fuck I hate that smug shite Stephen Fry with his pseudo intellect and Twitter sulks.

In the US you are a citizen, in the UK you are a subject. You can call yerself a citizen all you want but yer still a British subject. 

So Mom could I grow up to be an inventor astronaut some day? .... no way you little cunt, you don't even know your times tables and you're fucking useless at everything else... aim lower, try President. 

Prince Philip shagged his way to the top may he rest in peace.  

For classless societies, people sure do mention middle and upper class a lot. We are all equal (in America, not in Britain) but because I have more shit and better shit than you and got a better education because I was lucky enough to be born into a family with college money to spare and so that means I'm better than you, I'm in a different league, in a different class than you. 
We don't move in the same circles, I'm only talking to you now because I want a happy meal for little Blandon.

If what someone says isn't to my liking I will challenge it no matter how many degrees you have or because you think you can make people do as you say by not giving them the full information. Old Knudsen may make enemies but if you aren't doing yer job properly then fuck you. 

Rich or poor, black or white. 
The same thing happens to us all if we get hanged or get our throat slashed. We are all just animals that eat, shit and fornicate .... sometimes doing all three at the same time. 

We are all equal in class, some may appear more equal than others but thats all down to luck. In yer world I may fail but in my world you'd fail.
Working hard is no guarantee you'll get somewhere in life, one bit of bad luck can turn you from wealth off to well fucked off and living rough.  

Of course being superior to a moron is completely different. My dog is more superior than a Flegger and actually makes sense when it speaks.   
A Flegger isn't working or middle class, they are low class .... Spide, Chav, Trailer trash, Redneck, Hillbilly Hick and a waste of breathing air.
So thick and so stubborn like a child throwing a tantrum they want the rest of the world to be as confused and as low tech and primitive as they are so they can rule the roost. 

Their culture is stolen from the Taigs and from the Yanks and anywhere else they hear a catchy slogan. A people trying to re-invent themselves into drum beating 'British' tribes based on the English who look doon on them and call them all 'Paddy' who talk about struggle and never surrendering.

When they aren't using large numbers of thugs to intimidate/bully others they sure love to talk a good struggle, reliving the memory of a battle in 1690 they know nothing about and commemorating dead security force personnel while attacking and pouring scorn on the live security force personnel . 

Never before has the class system showed it's head so obviously than when the Fleggers told the world what they think.  
Old Knudsen is a fucking refined and cultured genius compared to the Fleggers, he was superior before but now he is super duper superior .... thank you parading morons for making Old Knudsen feel good about himself ...... now all die in a fire.