Friday, 5 July 2013

The Day Hitler Died

Old Knudsen doesn't want to cast dirt on one of the great figures of history, maybe someone who is a personal hero of yers but the truth is that Hitler was not so much the vegetarian during the last few weeks of his life.

The race was on to get to Berlin, the only ones left to defend it were old men and young boys who could kill you with a gun just as easily as anyone else I must add.

No way was Old Knudsen gonna let the reds beat him to Hitler ... it was personal.

Years earlier Hitler, who had just won Time magazine's dictator of the year had used his influence, charm and good looks to seduce Old Knudsen's then wife Helga who was Hitler's personal hair and makeup artist.
Helga didn't stand a chance once he started rolling his eyes about and spitting as he talked, he was a total playa.
Once she got pregnant she was sent off to the south American breeding colony. Old Knudsen vowed to kill Hitler as you never rub another man's rhubarb and survive.

In Berlin outside the F├╝hrerbunker on that chilly January day Old Knudsen battled against Hitler's elite bodyguard unit of frost giants and their war dogs until there were only a few unarmed old men and weemen left to kill.

He descended the steps into the bunker only to find that Hitler had been passing around the serum to turn those who were left into walking corpses that fed on the living.

Goebbels nearly got Old Knudsen cos hes was a sneaky fucker but BLAM! Nazi head shot. Finally after getting through Eva and Goebbel's wife and 6 sprogs from hell there was only the F├╝hrer left. He was hard to shoot as being the head zombie he had speed and strength greater than 10 men, 10 big men.
He clung to the ceiling reaching out with fingers that had become long sharp talons, after what seemed like a lifetime but was in fact only 3 minutes Old Knudsen made the head shot that took Hitler doon.

He had to hurry, a head zombie can regenerate even from a head shot ... everyone knows this. Old Knudsen threw salt onto the body and rolled him up in a carpet and burned him.

The Russians closed in, a special SMERSH unit were charged with finding Hitler's body, good luck to them.

Old Knudsen escaped through Soviet lines with his pack full of Nazi gold. Do I expect you to believe any of this, who cares? you weren't there.

Giving birth to Hitler's child drove Helga insane but the lad Trevor was a nice enough fella, he understandably wanted to hear about his father and Old Knudsen was more than happy to tell him. Knowledge is like fertilizer, what use is having it if you don't spread it around. 


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