Friday, 7 June 2013

Kells And Bomber

The main street of the village of Kells.
In the lovely village of Kells a second pipe bomb was found in as many weeks. Who from the Kells area deals in pipe bombs I wonder ? ....  John Smyth also knows about pipe bombs . The fat DUP cunt.
The population of Kells is around 3,000 with 88% being Protestant and the other 12% being their victims. 

Kells is a lovely rural village 6 miles from the magnificent city of Ballymena. If you visit the pub in Kells The Slaughtered Taig, you'll get a welcome you'll never forget.... oh and the pub also doubles for the local library.

Due to a genetic fault known as inbreeding none of the locals can breath through their noses. I'm sure they are quite pleased that people from other traditions and nations are moving into the area ... "Hey ya Fenian Muslim Polish darkie cunt hav ye got a feg?"

Education is very important there, the Kells and Connor primary school teaches the children the traditions of it's people. Unlike Ballymena and it's sheep traditions, Kells prefer to be entertained by goats, a tradition started by Edward the Bruce who fought a battle in Connor the next village to Kells in 1315.
Since there is only a primary school near by, education ends at the age of 11. It is frowned upon to send yer child to the big city of Ballymena with it's seven towers and shopping centre for further education unless it's for band practice or church learnin.

First and last time visitors to Kells will find the people friendly and interested in you, yer religion, what yer doing there, who you know and how much for yer wife and kids.
They are so curious they will often inquire 'what the fuck are you looking at?' and to demonstrate how friendly and caring they are they will often ask, 'do you have a problem?'

A problem shared is a problem halved.... and also something to blackmail you with. 

All of this has me asking the question, "who the fuck would want to blow up Kells?"

Being in the Bible belt it is no wonder that many think that Adam and Eve came from Kells and that Kells is in fact Eden.
It must be trouble makers from Antrim, with their pipe bombs and hateful ways. Now to end with some travel tips on Kells from Lonely Planet.

Never visit Kells and Connor during the full moon, if you do, never stray off the path.

Do not make eye contact with the locals and never let them touch your bare skin.

And finally, do not eat or drink anything while in Kells and Connor or you'll be trapped there forever.

Enjoy your visit.