Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Jamie Bryson, My Life Behind Bars

Jamie Bryson, one of the more vocal flag protesters tells Old Knudsen about his life behind bars.... Well actually only 5 weeks.  I met up with Bryson in the attic of a hoose in Bangor after he had made sure that I wasn't followed.

The PSNI have eyes everywhere it seems said Bryson more furtively than usual Willie told me how they put tracking and recording devices into the prison food just before you get released so I can't be too careful.

Is that no a computer sitting there? I thought you weren't allowed on the Interwebs. 

I am allowed online, I just can't speak about flags and the political issues relating to them, in fact they removed the F, L, A and G from my keyboard, I can't even log onto

Where you afraid when you were about to go into prison?

Not afraid, nothing scares the beast from the east. I was nervous about all the ass pounding but these guys in there are pros at being prison gay.

Did you make any friends?

I made friends with the hero of Milltown cemetery Michael Stone, hes a very intelligent man and gave me lots of advice.  

The hair is looking very nice by the way, the mullet is a timeless classic.

Thank you Soren, thats very kind of you. 

Was Michael Stone not the guy who shot at and threw grenades at unarmed people attending an IRA funeral? 

Yes thats him except they could have been armed. 

He had a 9mm Browning and a 357 magnum also grenades and he managed to only kill 3 unarmed people, attacking funerals is hardly the actions of a hero.

Don't forget about him injuring 60 of the IRA terrorists there. Did I tell you about my long hard hunger strike? 
The one that lasted half a day?

All the previous night too.

Aye but you were sleeping then.

You're twisting the facts.

What are yer plans now? 

Well I'll write a book of course, maybe it will be turned into a movie with Ryan Gosling playing me, we are in talks at the moment and whenever I have a statement to make I'll get a tattoo.  

Piece by peace? to me well um that doesn't make sense can you explain it?

Well it's a piece of pea .... no not really it made sense after a swallie of Buckfast.

The words are all over the place and resisted, is that what yer going for? It looks more like piesisted which is what you did to the pies after yer hunger strike.

Like I said it was the Buckfast. I think the gist of the message is clear.

Bears have no shame? Yogi does brag about stealing that is true.

This interview is over, go and make fun of someone else I have to write a letter to Michael.  

Aye ask him if his inability to shoot and fight has been a hindrance to his terrorist career or does he just like being in prison?  

Old Knudsen left with more questions than answers like 'why does my hole itch so much,' I generously slapped on the Anusol today. I'll leave the hard hitting questions to the others. I wish Jamie and his spidey polo shirts well, he almost made it but he'll never be a Willie Frazer.

He didn't say that but I wouldn't be surprised if he did.