Friday, 24 May 2013

The Timelord With A Shooter

So I was in the Turdis with my beautiful companion Lily and I set yon instruments for Zebulon prime out in the Antari system.
The clouds on Zebulon prime give out golden rain drops, who wouldn't like to be standing under a golden shower huh?  Some people pay for the privilege.

Then suddenly the Turdis started to jolt making me lurch awkwardly to the side. I worked the console flicking switches and pushing and pulling levers ..... doesn't do anything as the Turdis is a living being but it likes me to think I have some control over my life.

From behind me a loud English accent boomed, "Ear where the bloody ell am I? there'll be trouble if I ain't at the church on time, wot are you David fucking Blaine? get me out of ear."

My Timelord ears started to bleed to the sound of her harpy screeching. So I did what she wanted, I opened the doors and fucked her out.... sorted.

Back to the Turdis being all wonky, we landed. It wasn't Zebulon prime so I went out to take a look.

What faced me was horrible, I was surrounded by the Clorox ready to eat me, yes I'd landed in a DUP  office and those fine Christian politicians didn't like my kind."Is he a voter?" ... "who cares? lets facilitate a feeding frenzy."

Only twats in Northern Ireland say 'facilitate' as an every day word, do you know how stupid you sound when you say that? 

Luckily I had me space and time shooter 3000 and emptied 2 clips into the fat fuckers.... Ever feel like you are being watched? Nope, me neither. 

So then I took a walk about to look for some time pussy as Lily was on her moons and I came face to face with yet another Ulster politician ..... ugly fuckers the lot of them. I could see he had been feasting on the votes of the innocent. As the face in his belly shouted, "No surrender!" I pulled out me space gat and two in the chest and one in the head .... hes dead.

Meanwhile unknown to the guy who likes to play doctor, the Turdis had been caught in a powerful force field prison. Lily was trapped inside and daytime TV was almost at an end.

 No time pussy to be had, shit a Sontaran ambush, blam blam blam. Mr Potato head, dead.

The moral of this episode is that if  Doctor Who carried a gun there would be less screaming and running on his part and lives would be saved.
What kind of pacifist refuses to use guns to kill .... because it's bad, but will use rockets, bombs, fire, drowning and other methods to kill?

Talk amongst yerselves.