Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Baldly Going

Years ago while I was sitting on the steps of some building up Botanic ave way in Belfast drinking and hassling people for spare change, Old Knudsen was bit by a radioactive spider .... fuck it was sore.

It didn't give Old Knudsen super powers, he couldn't break into apartments or hooses by scaling the walls or swing from building to building on lines of excretion.  

He got cancer, a rare form of course only known to exist in radiative spiders and zombies.... before anyone says, "my ma died from cancer, I don't think this is funny" Old Knudsen doesn't care. Sorry for yer loss, yadda yadda move on, there are other fish in the sea.

Old Knudsen decided to use his power of mental telepathy to help others in the time he had left, 'aye lass touch yerself , higher higher yer will is mine.'

 After a brief stint in prison I set up a team of superheroes called the Ex-men. Yep you guessed it.

Chicks with dicks.

The whole bitchy attitude about who gets a cape and who doesn't just got to Old Knudsen. Trying to out fabulous each other indeed.

I spent time on the NYPD and after becoming the hero of Nakatomi Plaza the chief of police noticed I was a bit of a jinx, everywhere Old Knudsen went there would be trouble. After an investigation and findings that Old Knudsen was involved in the robbing of the New York Federal Reserve Bank which was total lies of course Old Knudsen was dismissed.... Firing an old sick man, shame on them!

Remembering that I was a Timelord I went into the future to give myself a future I'd be denied when this terrible cancer claims me.
I pumped up me resume and applied to become a starship captain . "Sorry we're looking for a Frenchman" ... I am French ya cheeky bugger, wee wee mon cherry.

Exploring strange new worlds and enslaving them. Boldly going anywhere cos I've got fucking lasers.

It was great being in charge of hot chicks and having my own pet Klingon to beat people up. Until the Berg showed up.
No not a race of cyborgs, a fucking space iceberg! Maybe I should have had look outs on but I wanted to get me labour cost doon.

Ah well, me cancer was cured in the future so I went back to the present and got a job playing diddle eye music for American tourists, I even played with Bono .... he loved it.