Friday, 31 May 2013

I Just Do What I Do

What the world thinks I do .... not far off it to be honest.

What my readers think I do... and I do.

What I don't want to do ..... fucking evil looking creepy bastards!!!

What my mother thinks I do.... She knows me so well.

What the police think I do.... no comment.

What I want to do ....  And when they least expect it.

What I really do.... in between hate crimes that is.

What I might do tomorrow ...

Thursday, 30 May 2013

Hey TV Tough Guy

Too many tough guy big mouthed tossers in the world. You don't gain respect by being a hardman, someday when you are vulnerable you'll quickly see what respect you have when you look to others and they put you doon fast and hard.

Intelligence, a quick mind and a generous humble nature will get you real respect. You'll never know about that as you see intelligence and kindness as weaknesses. You prick! stop judging others by yer standards which are as low as Old Knudsen's saggy bitter ball sack .... Ka-Chow! 


I've Seen Better

Kim Kardashian Is Phat

I haven't mentioned Kim Kardashian for a while as Old Knudsen was trying not to be a pass remarkable whiny little bitch like you lot but enough is enough.

Fuck!!!! she has really let herself go.... get to the gym and get rid of yon beer belly. 

Wednesday, 29 May 2013

You Are A Sinful Wretch ... So You Are

What if God was one of us? ...... he'd probably be Ian Paisley and sex, nakedness and sharing yer feelings are sinful!

Wildthing You Make Some Cupcakes

Before you take inspiration from song lyrics you should always check out if the singer believes it or has it not sunk in after singing it for the last 20 years... Is there wisdom to be found in songs?

Of course this was before they fell out and broke up ... before you know it one gets shot, one becomes a boozy train engine another becomes a soft pop success that likes fuzzy animals and the quiet one that got slagged off showed he had a fair amount of talent.  Oh and all you need is love? .... so you don't want the record sales then?

Old Knudsen is glad that Morrissey takes child rearing [insert own pedo joke here] seriously but what doesn't this miserable fucker take seriously? Gurlfriend in a coma, is that to be taken seriously or taken as a sign to get another gurlfriend?

You can believe Elvis though. If you weren't always on his mind he might have thought about taking less pills and more fiber .... you killed Elvis you, log steamer.

Which leads me on to another point about how important it is to have regular shits.

Most accidents happen in the kitchen, unless yer Old Knudsen then most accidents happen on the floor of Tesco or Burger King or in his troosers... But most heart attacks happen on the toilet. Old Knudsen is surprised that doctors don't advise people to take a dump for their health issues. "Doctor can ye give me something for my back pain?" .....  "fuck away aff and have a shit instead of using up valuable NHS resources, YOU are what is wrong with this cuntry!" 

Some song lyrics are just plain stupid. What about 'Love the thing you love the most?'

Too many people not knowing anything, 'What is love uh uh uh uh ve anyway?' .... 'I wanna know what love is' ..... 'Is this love is this love is this love that I'm feeling?' 

Some songs are merely about asthma and how their lover refuses to give up smoking and so takes her breath away.

In case you missed it, Terri Nunn, the singer of yon song was/is extremely hot... Old Knudsen has the horn, as usual.   

Of course what did Plath know? A selfish cunt who killed herself leaving two young children.

Don't take songs to heart, before you know they'll end up of those stupid memes.

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Baldly Going

Years ago while I was sitting on the steps of some building up Botanic ave way in Belfast drinking and hassling people for spare change, Old Knudsen was bit by a radioactive spider .... fuck it was sore.

It didn't give Old Knudsen super powers, he couldn't break into apartments or hooses by scaling the walls or swing from building to building on lines of excretion.  

He got cancer, a rare form of course only known to exist in radiative spiders and zombies.... before anyone says, "my ma died from cancer, I don't think this is funny" Old Knudsen doesn't care. Sorry for yer loss, yadda yadda move on, there are other fish in the sea.

Old Knudsen decided to use his power of mental telepathy to help others in the time he had left, 'aye lass touch yerself , higher higher yer will is mine.'

 After a brief stint in prison I set up a team of superheroes called the Ex-men. Yep you guessed it.

Chicks with dicks.

The whole bitchy attitude about who gets a cape and who doesn't just got to Old Knudsen. Trying to out fabulous each other indeed.

I spent time on the NYPD and after becoming the hero of Nakatomi Plaza the chief of police noticed I was a bit of a jinx, everywhere Old Knudsen went there would be trouble. After an investigation and findings that Old Knudsen was involved in the robbing of the New York Federal Reserve Bank which was total lies of course Old Knudsen was dismissed.... Firing an old sick man, shame on them!

Remembering that I was a Timelord I went into the future to give myself a future I'd be denied when this terrible cancer claims me.
I pumped up me resume and applied to become a starship captain . "Sorry we're looking for a Frenchman" ... I am French ya cheeky bugger, wee wee mon cherry.

Exploring strange new worlds and enslaving them. Boldly going anywhere cos I've got fucking lasers.

It was great being in charge of hot chicks and having my own pet Klingon to beat people up. Until the Berg showed up.
No not a race of cyborgs, a fucking space iceberg! Maybe I should have had look outs on but I wanted to get me labour cost doon.

Ah well, me cancer was cured in the future so I went back to the present and got a job playing diddle eye music for American tourists, I even played with Bono .... he loved it.

Monday, 27 May 2013

Pratt Fall

I haven't seen so many attractive/not minging people in Belfast than I have watching The Fall TV series.   

Flames Of Lust

Just flew in from Rio after finishing off the last scenes of my movie. Set in Belfast during the marching season, Liam Neeson plays Ian Paisley Jr who falls in love with a young Catholic gurl (Hendricks) but her ghey brother Colin Farrell won't accept their love .... lots of car cashes, shoot outs, flag protests and sex scenes.


Emelia Clarke the actress from Game of Thrones has been ripping out the hearts of homeless hobos and eating them ..... like you do. She is known for being a ditzy but volatile type, she once dated smug comedy voice guy Seth MacFarlane for a while.

Old Knudsen has not made his dislike of MacFarlane a secret, hes a smug shite who says how The Simpsons have ripped him off. He wouldn't have a fucking career if it wasn't for The Simpsons. Look at that big round potato head of his and that squinty smile.

Ms Clarke has recently gone out on a date with James Franco .... hes like an uglier Matt Dillon type who really can't act, yes Old Knudsen dislikes him too.

I guess she took our breakup quite badly .... many of them do. Emelia also knows my dislike for that big nosed twat Adrian Brody so don't be surprised if hes next.


Seriously, a movie called Cleanskin.

A man on the edge out for revenge,  Bruce Willis  ..... Anal Itching.    Then you can have Anal Itching 2 .... out for blood. 

Sunday, 26 May 2013

Sunday Sermon On The Mounts

Happy Sunday! can I interest you Christian pedos in some adults for a change? Check out this lass, shes attractive, Old Knudsen wouldn't kick her out of bed .... unless he had just cum and wanted a cuppa that is.
Look at the nice heart shaped arse, fine child bearing hips for a skinny lass.

This lass has great hair and going by those glasses shes wearing she is obviously very intelligent. Is that a pro or a con? well Old Knudsen likes weemen with brains, I know Christians and the other religions connected to Christianity don't like their weemen too smart ... they should know their place.

Old Knudsen likes weemen to know their place too, but not in the same way as religion does. Under Old Knudsen, on top of Old Knudsen etc etc ... know yer place!

While a pleasing form is nice, a sharp quick witted mind is even more sexy. The imaginary friend known to Christians, Jews and Muslims should in theory not be very pleased with his followers but what can you expect when you only give lip service to free will and don't appreciate the power of deductive logic?

Too many people telling others what they should think and what they should be doing. If they aren't Old Knudsen then they should fuck off!

Saturday, 25 May 2013

City Hall Protest

A big shout out to those who protested at Belfast city hall today. It was a beautiful day with the market on the city hall grounds selling kangaroo burgers and beer. I hope the protesters didn't blow all their welfare and disability money on the banners and getting some Scottish sympathizers over ... aye it's bad when you have to ship in some immigrants because the locals no longer care, only the really dumb ones are still at it.

They do at least have the support of the fictional Iron Maiden band mascot 'Eddie' and I hear 'Hong Kong Phooey' also supports them but couldn't make it over today.

With any luck all of this will be enough to get the Union flag flying on the City hall, maybe yer blonde gurl with the flag poncho was one milly too much or yer bloke in the blue hoodie sucking his finger suggestively made them change their minds ...... but I doubt it.

Keep up the good work people cos I just love laughing at people wasting their time. I just hope yer hangovers aren't too bad tomorrow and I see you all at church looking bright and British.

Don't bring yon Glasgow folk with you, we don't like that lot hanging around. It's funny seeing Scottish folk protesting about wanting to be British, my own Scottish blood bubbles at being British as that is only by chance, shame on these lowlander English lap dogs.

Sorry I couldn't attend the protest .... I was too busy robbing yer hooses as I knew you'd be out.


The Fall Has Fallen And It Cannot Get Up

The Fall is a TV show set in Belfast about an English police detective played by Gillian Anderson who sees the links in some murders and says that Belfast has a serial killer.

It's a bit like the Sheriff in Jaws trying to convince people there is a Great white, she says serial killer and no one believes her.

Anderson's DI Stella Gibson is played with a bored reserve. The character isn't very complex it's like an asshole guy but it's a woman, cos thats what weemen in charge are like... Anderson's accent is dull and drab just like her acting, only flaky Anderson can make a sex scene the place where you get up to put the kettle on, remember when she was hot? Those were the days. Now she channels Megan Fox, was GA always kinda dumb or did I just not notice because she gave me the horn?

The serial killer goes after attractive dark haired professional weemen.  Jamie Dornan who plays the killer by night and by day is a family therapist Phil Spector frowns a lot and looks as dark and menacing as celery.

 He likes to sniff knickers and freshly washed dead woman's hair ... who doesn't?  

The show isn't very ..... interesting, even a hot naked dead woman getting her nails painted is kinda dull.
The show was eagerly accepted with people looking for the locations of where the scenes were filmed. Botanic gardens, Holiday Inn and serial killers walking around the Holylands of Belfast ..... now it's "wow this show is boring crap" there was certainly a lot of hype thanks to the famous female lead.

Game of thrones is filmed in Northern Ireland and so will the new Dracula film. Dracula will be a spide from East Belfast who can't find any virgins to feed on as the millies of Belfast are born pregnant with their father's babies.

Unless the Fall comes up with blood sucking midgets fucking hot chicks then I think Old Knudsen is done with it.

I'd love to see some zombie movies made in Northern Ireland as we have plenty of dumb looking people with vacant open mouthed stares to fill the roles.

The day of the mouth breathers staring Stephen Baldwin ..... sounds great huh.