Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Where Does It Go

Some silly bint saw a spooky face in her ultrascan and decided that it must be a guardian angel for the child. Yeah that looks like a protective guardian angel cos it's smiling. Maybe she should stop swallowing coins. Fuck there are some stupid people about.

Like wrestlers .... it's fucking rigged, if you come away covered in blood yer doing it wrong. Before his sex tape every time I saw Hulk Hogan I'd have PTSD flashbacks to yon TV he did Thunder in paradise where he had a speedboat that had more gadgets on it than James Bond's iPhone.

Now when I see him I think about him having sex and saying how he ate 10 minutes ago and stuffed himself like a pig. I think the only way Old Knudsen to have closure in his life is to kill Hulk Hogan.

It worked, Old Knudsen feels better now. Being a Timelord sure does have it's perks.

Speaking of the future, when the zombie apocalypse breaks out and if yer a bloke .... like me (but not so cool) and you haven't had a date in months so yer getting a little anxious. Then a hot zombie chick starts to lurch towards you moaning like a bored porn star.

What do you do? It's one of those moral dilemmas, like if you find a wallet full of money do you.

A: take the money and chuck the wallet.
B: take the money look for ID and order credit cards.
C: take money and hand the wallet into the police.
D: don't take any money and hand it all into the police. 

D was just my wee joke, of course you wouldn't do that ... Ok,  hot zombie chick and you have one in the chamber. Remember, she used to be a real live human being, with a family and maybe a poodle named Fizzy.

So I guess it's duct taping her mouth shut and tying her up then. I wonder if the zombie virus can be caught during sex, damn it! You never see that in the movies, it's always a slow shuffling walker creeping up on someone or just happen to grab their leg and take a bite out of them. Just like you never see Tom Cruise's character in a film on the run from cyborgs quickly duck into an alleyway for a shite and then have to take off a sock to wipe his bum with. 

John why is your skin kind of green? you've been seeing that zombie hoor behind my back haven't you?

Life after the apocalypse can be so unfair.

If you thought that Gary Busey was a creepy ass dude just wait until he gets bit by a walker and changes.
Imagine those teeth clamping doon on you.