Monday, 18 March 2013

Meet The Fleggers

The BBC recently ran a story on flegger intelligence as compared to Neanderthals and modern day humans.
Fleggers it seems have evolved along side humans and share many Neanderthal traits such as dense bones and low intelligence not capable of higher thinking.
While the Flegger's brains may be the same size as Neanderthals and Humans their brains are a lot smoother. They are not capable of love and empathy but have extra sensitive pain receptors. What might appear to you or I as a gentle nudge is like overkill violence to a Flegger. 

The Fleggers have developed a distinct bullet shape to their heads which means that during childbirth they shoot out at speed. Previously it was thought that them landing on the ground when born contributed to brain damage but no, their low IQ is due to centuries of inbreeding and fetal alcohol  syndrome. Many babies are born with nicotine cravings and would rather feed from a bottle of Buckfast than a saggy breast.

The tribal Fleggers will often war against rival housing estates their thickened skulls help protect their brains as they often go into battle head first as they have nothing vital to lose above the shoulders. 

Fleggers do not have the instinctive fight or flight reactions, when they feel threatened and are scared they stand rooted to the spot and raise their voices in an unpleasant nasally tone in a hope to scare off or annoy their attackers asking stupid questions and making inane statements over and over.

The main reason for the Flegger's breeding success is purely doon to politics. Abortions being almost illegal in Northern Ireland so the housing estates that the Fleggers live in are always teeming with unwanted bullet headed children.

Fleggers are quite fearful irrational creatures but are pretty harmless on their own or in pairs. When in larger numbers they can be quite dangerous should they see a small or weak victim on their own or a car or building to attack.

For the moment they live along side modern day humans but can very easily go the way of their close cousins the Neanderthals.