Wednesday, 13 February 2013

Dear Pope People

 Open letter to the Vatican sent via e-mail 

 I have me own hat so take this shite thing away from me.... oh and grab me a holy beer.  

Dear Holy-nesses, I hear the position of Pope has recently become vacant. Being Pope must be a really massive ego trip and Old Knudsen being the humble sort is so doon with that.

I'm no Catholic but listen up, having a Fenian at the helm hasn't been so good now has it? I can bring fresh new ideas to the position all the while oppressing millions for their souls, they'll love me so much they won't know they are oppressed ..... unlike now where you are having open rebellion.

After Benny released yon white dove that was attacked by a seagull I think you've had yer sign.   

Membership cards that offer free sin washing away every year, bonus points for being a good Fenian getting them toasters and sandwich makers when they save up enough. 

Now I want to get one thing straight, I'm no into little boys. I like hot weemen and chicks with dicks ... hey Gog made them so don't you fuckin judge!

None of that kiddie fiddling, thats just fucking sick you evil cunts, I'll sort yous out with some class titty action.

I'll wear the dresses but will occasionally break out the odd Vera Wang number to keep the paparazzi guessing.

We do need to get rid of yon Swiss soldiers that guard yer papal pricks . I want some of me own buds from the SAS and Delta force, they are doon on hard times after the war .... a little fucked in the head but sound lads.... just don't make eye contact with big Ivan.

I hope you'll take this letter seriously, I left out some of the key points about being a fallen angel time traveler as there is only so much you can take in right now. 

I'm sure I'll hear from you soon, I'll keep e-mailing you until you reply as this is yer golden opportunity to make Catholicism the bestest religion of all time.


Future Pope Knudsen I