Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Batman Begins?

Join me in this tale of woe ... Years ago when I was growing up in Gothbacon city I was leaving the opera with my parents when suddenly they were gunned down by a crazed mugger.

I went off the rails, blaming my self and of course the fact that the mugger used a gun rather than a hammer or knife cos guns are bad. I sought revenge and so I went to see my old friend.

"Bout ye Knudsen, I was just getting awarded the freedom of some in the middle of nowhere shit hole town, what can I do you for?"

I need to make myself more than just a man so I can seek revenge and find justice for murders of my parents .... so I do.

You have come to the right person.... so you have.

I can train you to be invisible, to be able to take on 100 men .... 100 big men and win, to face your worse fears, what are your worse fears so you can take on the qualities of it and make others fear it too.

Well I really hate and um while I don't fear them lemurs with their sharp teeth and their big bulging eyes that judge and mock you silently and relentlessly make me feel uncomfortable .... the wee fuckers are secretly planning to take over the world ya know.

Um maybe not lemurs, I don't think that calling yourself Lemurman and climbing trees would scare the criminal underworld heh heh, think of a different animal, maybe 3 letters in it's name.

I see what you mean .... CAT ..... Lol-Catman .... those lol cats make me want to kill, I hate them. I can haz justice? .... aye that will be my signature phrase.

As usual you're missing the point so we'll get back to that later. I will train you in the art of war and how to crotchet a shield that can deflect bullets, how to choose the best sheep and put all its legs into yer wellies so it can't escape, I shall show you how to destroy your enemies but in order to destroy you also have to learn how to love so you know what you are fighting for..... suck my willy bitch.

I love you Liam but I'm not 'in' love with you.

I didn't like my parents much anyway so fuck that I'm off.

See Old Knudsen in:

                                   Lolcatman Returns