Monday, 4 February 2013

2001 A Space Odd Journey

Way back in the year 2001 I signed on to a space mission to test the new rocket computer system the HAL 3000. The computer had a male, ghey sounding voice so the astronauts, hand picked for their homophobia would always be alert.
The system worked well at first, making the tea, ensuring I had things like air, heat, 87 TV channels and toast lightly toasted on one side the way I like it.

Things started to feel uncomfortable when it kept turning on it's cameras when I was taking a dump or in the shower, "would you like me to shave your back Knudsen?" ..... "I like your shoulders, do you work out Knudsen?"
The inappropriate behaviour had to stop after it decided it didn't like me talking to mission control and cut communications.

 I had to find the fuse box.

Oh nothing HAL, I thought this was the way to the cockpit ..... "I like it when you say cock--pit Knudsen."

For fucks sake! I wish I had paid attention in flight class, what are all these similar looking buttons for? ach I had better just start pressing them. If they hadn't made me space suit out of air duct pipes this would be a lot easier.   

Oh nothing I was just looking for the um .... seat warmer .... "Just ask me and I'll warm your behind Knudsen."  :::::gulp!::::

I had to do something, this was like yon time I went into that ghey bar by mistake 12 times. 

For the love of Gog! Can an astronaut not have a wank in peace without a creepy ghey computer watching? I'm about to explode I haven't been able to sleep in days. Planet earth is blue and so are my balls!

After some fine tuning with a hammer I didn't have anymore problems with HAL ... except for some reason the hot water in me shower no longer worked.