Thursday, 27 December 2012

What Was 2012 All About Then?

In 2012 the world (well mostly America) was obsessed with the end of the world. This time it wasn't the Christians, it was the meddling Mayans.
Old Knudsen went on an investigation and discovered that 94% of end world panics had some connection to the Heinz corporation who increase the production of baked beans during this time. Preacher Harold Camping has now retired to his Colorado compound he bought with 10 million dollars that mysteriously turned up in his bank account.

The end of the world didn't happen .... or did it start and no one noticed?

London held the Olympics and this year it had creepy sideburns. It went well even though half the seats were empty. 
Presidential failure Mitt Romney said the Olympics were doomed ....he had a habit of being wrong. This was the man who went after a much loved American icon Big bird while Obama went after terrorists and the like. Old Knudsen is still laughing at you lot who supported Romney. Secede Old Knudsen's big fat cock you morons.

After Mitt Romney lost the presidential election, Donald Trump almost became the next George Washington by tweeting about marching on Washington. He quickly and bravely deleted his tweets as they made him look even more stupid and crazy than usual.   

 Eastern block cuntries had numerous zombie outbreaks caused by infected horse cheese.

The west had numerous occupy outbreaks to contain. Fucking hippies .... they don't protest war anymore but when the banks start charging higher ATM fees they go nuts.  White people in dreadlocks indeed..... Fucking crusties go wash yerself.

Old Knudsen isn't ghey but did marry the man of his dreams on the 21st December.... it's a long complicated story. Anyway, John Locke completes Old Knudsen even though he often turns into a smoke monster.

NASA started building their colony on Mars. Don't worry you lot won't know about it until you see all the VIPs blasting off just before Earth is hit by a meteor.

Old Knudsen isn't straight but he married the gurl of his dreams..... don't tell the hubby.

Basher Asswad of Syria still hasn't beat the rebels but his wife is still hot.

The Queen's speech to the nation was short and sweet because shes gone all gangsta and that is how one rolls..... ight!
Christmas in Northern Ireland was cancelled because like the GOP secessionists, the DUP also do not like it when democracy doesn't go their way. With the help of the terrorist group the UVF and the neo-Nazi BNP they attacked rival parties and rioted in the streets spoiling all the fun and ruining the economy.
Old Knudsen calls for the 12th July parades to be cancelled to teach the silly cunts.

Liam Nesson was given the freedom of Ballymena .... his home town. Once he passed the rite of fighting the horny ram he was given the sausage supper of freedom and from now on will be paid a small fee if he says nice things about his town. You'd have to be paid as there is no nice Ballymena only bestiality , drugs and tractors.
The Zetas drug cartel unleashed their top assassins onto Old Knudsen. For 3 months they tracked Old Knudsen, death was his daily companion and often followed him to the shops. They were no match for the Storm Bringer and after an intense session of naked hot deprogramming he turned them back onto their employers.... Poor gurls, he can still see their faces and hear their screams late at night, when he watches the sex tape that is.    

Sarah Jessica Parker won the Kentucky Derby ..... by a nose.

RIP Twinkies.

Thanks to numerous shootings, gun sales in the US have increased as is the usual pattern. The anti-choice brigade who want to ban guns rubbed their hands with glee thinking about the victims while pro-choice people made stupid comparisons with Europe .... you know, the place they've been slagging off for the last few years. Oh no, you don't want to be socialist like Europe and the lack of guns hasn't stopped the violence.
Comparing the US to anywhere else is like comparing Ron Jeremy's cock with the average joe.

Hunting rifle, revolver and pump action shotgun, if you want something else you should be made to jump through hoops and pay for the privilege. It won't stop any killings as there are millions of guns already in the US already but Old Knudsen would support this.... why do you need anything else?
As Chris Rock once said, 'why not make each bullet cost $5000?' then there would be less shooting.   

The next Die Hard movie will have John McClane engaging in constructive dialogue with the LRA   (Lord's Resistance Army) lead by Kony (played by Jamie Foxx) and will probably be the last in the franchise. 

After speaking out against equality in marriage and anti-choice for weemen and their bodies and that parts of the Bible were wrong, the Pope opened up a day care center in the Vatican just across from his private chambers. Only the special ones can be in Benny's club.

The story of a policeman buying a homeless man a bag full of burgers and fries went viral. As did the video of the peeler kicking the crap out of him when the bum threw it back saying that he was vegetarian.
Old Knudsen broke his personal best for being arrested. Since most of his crimes were in the UK he didn't do very much jail time. "Yer honour, I feel really bad about the beating, torture and rape. I should have not taken out my anger on Julian Assange and should have shown more respect for the Ecuadorean embassy." ....."Mr Knudsen I believe you have learned your lesson and have suffered enough, you are free to go." ...... WIN!

Julian Assange seen here watching from a window as the nearby schools get out. 

Since the bail jumping rapist Julian Assange is still evading justice in the Ecuadoran embassy in London, Wikileaks have announced that they are almost broke. To counter this and to stir up interest Assange has stated that he'll release a million documents in 2013. 
If it's anything like the last lot it will be training manuals on how to unblock toilets and some 5 year old incident reports from Iraq in which an insurgent was hurt.... yawn!!! you are so unimportant and over dude.   

Old Knudsen stated his love for weemen wearing white cotton panties, this became a popular search result on his blog. At the moment the world is searching for anyone named Kate naked. 

Binge drinking in the UK has risen 10% in dead people under 25. A government spokesman said that we must all tighten our belts and cuts need to be made in social programs and in health care. He then assured us that the new billion pound submarines will be safe to this latest round of cuts.... Yer Ma commented earlier today, "NEXT!"

 The second coming of Jesus didn't go well as healing the sick and walking on water just isn't impressive anymore and besides Jesus returning can only mean trouble and not very cost effective to faith based organizations. Kevin Saddlebottom the new Jesus said that he forgave them. Mr Saddlebottom was killed in a hit and run involving a black SUV. He was later seen in the council estate he lived in 3 days after the incident. Leading church leaders condemned him as a fraud who faked his own death for prophet .      

Famous blogger and intellectual Donn Coppens suffered a health scare when his heart decided not to work. Donn is now recovering at his lakeside villa in Canada. Old Knudsen wishes him the best of health for 2013 as he still has to tap that sweet arse.

Speaking of sweet arse, Old Knudsen held some of the best coke fueled orgies in the nation. What/who will he do in 2013? ..... could it be you? 

You wish!

Thats a round up of 2012. If I didn't mention it then it didn't happen. It is a long post ..... Old Knudsen has doon his troosers but he doesn't want to brag.

Best wishes for 2013 you losers, now fuck off.