Monday, 8 October 2012

Bury My Heart At Boot Hill

Is the western dead? nope just sickly. The movie industry goes for the no risk money makers these days, the movies with the big names ,big effects or well tried and tested sequels .
It still plops out the odd western having it stand on its own very much out of place. Will the Lone Ranger bring the genre back to life and spawn a million more sequels for Johnny Depp to phone in his performances for?  

Putting aliens in westerns is a total cop out but you can still fuck it up especially in this case. CGI, big names and still a shite movie WTF? ....... oh yeah plot still is a very important detail.

Gone are the misogynist, racist westerns of the John Wayne era, now weemen have spunk (no not like that) and injuns have feelings.
Clint Eastwood may be an embarrassing doddering geezer that talks to empty chairs but he sure can knock out a good western .
Kevin Costner is a fucking amateur compared to Clint.

Did ya see Wyatt Earp and say ......... "fuck I miss Tombstone."

Do kids still run around playing cowboys and Indians ? I see kids with guns but they are usually playing a Call of duty game.  The movie industry targets these kids making scary violent movies rated PG-13 and most 9 year-olds and below have seen them. Old Knudsen saw The dark knight rises toys in the shops, a utility belt and rubber armour, what 13 year-old would wear those or even fit into them? aimed at young kids I remember seeing the scary Terminator salvation toys and wondering who was supposed to buy them.

Old Knudsen remembers the westerns and how important it is to practice yer quick draw, ya know just in case a young buck who was faster tried it on.

Old Knudsen's favourite westerns would be: High noon, They died with their boots on, Northwest passage, Bad day at black rock, The Paleface, Son of Paleface, Rio Grande,She Wore a Yellow Ribbon,The Westener, Distant drums, Westworld, Silverado, A fist full of dollars, For a few dollars more, The good the bad and the ugly, The Beguiled, High plains drifter, The outlaw Josey Wales, Pale rider, Unforgiven, Hombre, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid,True Grit, The Magnificent seven, Jeremiah Johnson, Support your local Sheriff, Dances with wolves, The quick and the dead and Tombstone.

There has been the odd mini-series or made for TV movie starring Robert Duvall or some other old dude if they couldn't get him but there have been no good westerns made recently. I haven't seen Brokeback mountain nor do I care to.... now don't call me a homophobe, Old Knudsen hasn't seen ET either, its a lifestyle choice so fuck off.  

No westerns that you say, "I've seen it and I would buy it" there are others you'd watch on the telly when they cum on but you'd no make a special effort to do so.

Do westerns appeal to weemen? well they have been putting hunks into the latest ones, thats a little insulting. Give you a shite movie but you'll see it cos yer thinking with yer hoo ha. Westerns are usually manly ..... sweaty blokes with mustaches and guns, fuck yeah! Varmint, hang em, pilgrim all tough and go westy young man. 

Cowboy weemen are never really hot, they are either rich useless chicks, poor chicks in distress, prudes shaking their heads at the sinful goings on or rough butch chicks, female roles are never usually fleshed out very much, nor are the male roles and they are the movie's leads. 

One of the best buddy movies of all time starred two heart throbs. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid had it all. Style, drama and humour. A shite endings and as close to history as Braveheart is but still a great movie.

Will the remake starring George Clooney and Brad Pitt do it justice? They have the looks and the star power but why does it need to be re-made? Don't fix it if its not broke..... True Grit wasn't broken. The re-make of that was pathetic. 

Old Knudsen can't see Westerns coming back much, the odd drizzle here and there, if they do cum back they'll be aimed at the youngsters, full of prat falls and wagons exploding.... see Wild wild west.   

The ones made by the older folk, for older folk will be ........ tired..... see Robert Duvall. Its a shame as its a time of epic stories of survival against the odds and characters worth their own movies.