Monday, 17 September 2012

The Living Dead Never Buy Drinks

Drunken slags or leezer vampire attack? hard to tell. Around these streets a zombie would go by unknown......... oh look another piss head staggering about drunk attacking anyone that gets in his way, totally normal.

A werewolf would just be taken as another stray dog or a hairy East European immigrant.

Ghosts stay indoors as there are a lot of scary people out there ...... like yer Ma.

Now vampires will never take off round here. Nothing personal against 'those' people but maybe they should stick to sunny Callyfornia where all the movies have them not living.

Vampires over here go out on the hunt. Watching the nightlife just waiting for a straggler to have a piss beside a parked car or a bus shelter and then they pounce.

The only problem here is that 8 out of 10 people are probably drunk.... always . Not tipsy or buzzed but fucking blootered, steaming, rats-arsed, shitfaced and blocked.

Bad parking ....... probably drunk, walking their dog ........ probably drunk, yer doctor ........ probably drunk. 

The people of Northern Ireland, in fact the UK as a whole (its actually a hole) never drink to excess, they drink til they are full, vomit it out then drink some more. Its not alcoholism because they don't go to no fucking meetings.    

Most vampires end up passed out on the street after feeding off a straggler then the sun comes out and poof! ..... no they don't turn ghey, poof as in up in flames.

Its lucky that we can go weeks without seeing the sun so the lucky ones just end up as vampires with a drinking problem and they don't even touch the stuff.

Poor buggers, not only do they catch all the diseases going round but they also catch hereditary alcohol fuck my life syndrome that most British families suffer from.   Nine year-old child ..... probably drunk.  It explains why the Big Macs here taste like booze, the workers who spit in them ...... probably drunk.

Did you know that the UK has the highest rate of lesbian Succubus in the world? If ya think you have low self-esteem just think about the lads who have been turned doon by a Succubus.

C'mon ya aul hoor ye, ge us a buck at ye!  Can't think why there are so many leezer Succubus here, they are missing out thats for sure.